


Reprise

by eufoeria



Series: at the end of everything [3]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Getting Back Together, M/M, side sunggyu/junhyung - dont read if you dont wanna see this!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 40,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7878943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eufoeria/pseuds/eufoeria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reprise [ruh-preeze]<br/>1. to execute a repetition of; to repeat<br/>2. a return to the first theme or subject</p><p>Of new beginnings</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! In case you're a new reader and aren't aware, this is part 3 of my series "at the end of everything." The first two parts are prequels to this, so you might be a bit less confused reading this if you read those first. That being said, I don't think you need to have read those to enjoy this ^^

Sunggyu watched the smoke from his cigarette coil around itself and casually float up to the ceiling of his bedroom. He sent an unamused glance to the man lying next to him in bed, naked and nearly asleep.

“You know you can’t sleep over,” he said. The man--Junhyung--grunted in reply. That was their agreement after all. They could have as much sex as they liked, as long as there were no feelings and _definitely_ no sleepovers. Sunggyu flicked the tip of his cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand and nudged his shoulder.

“Fuck, give me five minutes,” Junhyung groaned, pushing himself up. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his messy hair. “You know it wouldn’t kill you to lighten up a bit, right?”

Sunggyu scoffed and said, “They’re _your_ rules, idiot.” Junhyung smiled. He turned around and leaned in for a kiss, pouting when Sunggyu pushed his face away roughly. “No kissing.”

“Why not?” Junhyung laughed, “You know exactly where my tongue has been.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes and snuffed out the cigarette. “You’re so fucking gross.”

“Yeah, sure,” Junhyung said, pushing himself off the bed to gather his clothes. “If I’m gross, then you’re a slut.”

“You’re an asshole,” Sunggyu muttered, drawing his knees up to his chest as he watched him fumble in the darkness disinterestedly.

If Junhyung was gross, then, truthfully, Sunggyu knew he must be more disgusting. He was the one who kept inviting him over.

They had met through a mutual friend, Yongguk, back when Sunggyu was fresh-faced and just off his military service six years ago. He’d needed a place to sleep and Junhyung had a couch. The rest of it just worked itself out later.

Eventually, Junhyung became the bassist in a short-lived band led by Sunggyu that had long since broken up. Junhyung was the only one of them still performing regularly, but Sunggyu figured that’s what happened when you got a better offer at a different indie label.

It’s not like he was still broken up about it.

Sunggyu watched as Junhyung patted down his pockets to be sure he still had his keys and wallet. Junhyung turned to him in the darkness. “I’ll see you later?”

“Don’t you always?” Sunggyu replied, shifting to make himself comfortable under the thin blanket, “Shut the bedroom door on your way out.”

Sunggyu closed his eyes when he heard the front door of the apartment click shut.

***

He groaned the next morning as he was awoken by the shrill ringing of his cell phone. He fumbled for it on the nightstand and clumsily answered it. Sunggyu tried to open his eyes in the harsh sunlight streaming through the blinders, but quickly clenched them shut again.

“Hello?” he croaked, wondering who would bother calling him this early in the day--early being a relative term in Sunggyu’s dictionary. It was ten in the morning, but he didn’t have to work until three.

“Sunggyu?” a woman’s voice asked hesitantly, “Are you awake?”

“Bora?” Sunggyu grunted and pushed himself up. He yawned and scratched the back of his head. He could feel the way his hair stuck out in every direction. “I guess I’m awake now.”

She laughed. “Good, you’ll want to hear this.”

“Did you get that job you were gunning for?”

“Yes!” she gushed happily, “They called me about it this morning, and--Wait. No, that isn’t the good news.”

“Just spit it out,” Sunggyu said tiredly, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

“Well, the place that hired me is _also_ looking for groups to perform regularly on Friday nights,” she explained, “They’re accepting demos this week.”

“I’m not a group,” Sunggyu replied, “I’m just me.”

Sunggyu heard her frustrated groan through the speakers and smiled. “Okay, _just_ Sunggyu, but I already asked my boss if solo acts were okay, and he said they’re fine!”

Sunggyu pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to process all of the information at once. _Fuck_ , he needed some coffee. “So you think I should send a demo in?”

“You’d be stupid not to,” she said. “You’re always talking about how you want regular gigs where you can start building a reputation. _This_ is your regular gig.”

Sunggyu pursed his lips and sighed. “Fine, let me get a pen and write down the address. I’ll stop by and check out the place before work.”

He got out of bed and sifted through the drawer in his nightstand until he found a pen and a scrap of paper. The café was located just a block away from the subway station he got off at for work, so at the very least it was convenient.

When she finally hung up, Sunggyu groaned and pushed himself to stand. He pulled on a pair of old sweatpants and walked into the sparsely decorated living room of the apartment he shared with Sungjong.

They had little in the way of furniture or decorations, having chosen instead to forgo the aesthetic in favor of the practical. It was small and badly in need of the renovation the deadbeat landlord had promised them when they moved in, but it was home. Sungjong was already up and sprawled out on the couch half-watching some variety show as Sunggyu made his way to the kitchen.

“Coffee’s already brewed,” Sungjong called, not looking up from his phone.

Sunggyu mumbled his thanks as he poured a glass for himself. The only things they regularly kept in their cramped kitchen were instant coffee and alcohol. Once a month, Sungjong would decide to _finally_ get his life together and live responsibly by buying produce, but once that disappeared, their kitchen would go back to looking like the kitchen of someone who would most likely die before reaching 30.

They preferred to eat out anyway.

Sunggyu spent the extra time that morning practicing, and when it was time for him to leave for work, he packed his guitar in his case and headed for the dingy studio in the outskirts of Hongdae where he rented out space for music lessons.

He mostly gave vocal lessons to the overworked children of parents who hoped their child might have what it takes to be an idol. Honestly, Sunggyu could tell quite a few of them didn’t particularly care for singing in the first place, but most were polite enough and their parents paid well. There was the occasional guitar or piano lesson here and there, mostly for older adults who needed a hobby simply so they wouldn’t die of boredom.

As he exited the subway station, he looked for the location of the café Bora had mentioned.

He stopped just outside its unassuming exterior. There were a few windows, but not much could be seen through the furniture that still sat stacked in random piles rather than arranged in a useable fashion. He could make out a small stage in the back, hardly big enough for a three-man band, but was impressed by the quality of the speakers stacked to the side.

A small flier pasted to the door caught his attention. It was an advertisement for the live music that would be played there every Friday night. He still wasn’t sure about sending in a demo, but it couldn’t hurt--right?

The worst they could do was say no.

Sunggyu reached tentatively for the flyer, but jumped when he felt something tap his shoulder.

There was a young woman standing behind him. She smiled slightly and asked, “Are you a musician?”

“Uh…” Sunggyu looked around, as if there were another person standing there she might be talking to. “Yeah, I am. Why?”

“I saw you looking at that flier,” she said, “I work here. If you have an album or video of you performing, I can make sure it gets to my boss.”

“Oh, um,” Sunggyu shrugged off his guitar case and sifted through the side pocket until he found the thin CD case he kept there at all times. “Here,” he said handing it to her, “I play solo or with friends sometimes. Also--” He grabbed a pen from the side pocket and hastily scrawled his name and phone number onto it. “There. Tell your boss to call me if he’s interested.”

“Sure, I’ll let him know.” She stuffed the CD into her bag and waved goodbye. Sunggyu contemplated sneaking a better look inside as she unlocked the door, but then broke into a run when he realized he was already late.

***

He got the call a week later, but not from the owner. Another employee called, saying that the owner was interested in having him play every Friday evening, and when Sunggyu heard the pay he couldn’t refuse, not when there was rent to be paid.

Sungjong was home visiting family, so Sunggyu called Junhyung over to celebrate, but for some reason, couldn’t bring himself to tell him right away.

It was late that same night, as Junhyung slowly removed his shirt and pressed sloppy kisses against his neck, when he finally told him.

“You’ve been distracted,” Junhyung whispered against his skin, “Something bothering you?”

“I got a gig,” Sunggyu gasped, “At a new café opening up.”

“Oh? How big is the venue?”

Sunggyu tried to shrug, but it was hard when Junhyung was nibbling at a sensitive spot in his collarbone, causing him to squirm. “Big enough, I suppose.”

“Oh.”

Sunggyu frowned at the lukewarm response. Junhyung tried to distract him by moving to his chest, but he decided to press the issue. “What do you mean by ‘oh’?

Junhyung groaned and bit his nipple gently. “Nothing, just forget it.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes. He threaded his fingers through Junhyung’s hair and tugged it hard enough to lift his head, forcing their gazes to meet. “Tell me what you meant.”

Junhyung rolled his eyes and pulled away. “The Sunggyu I knew two years ago wouldn’t have been satisfied with just ‘big enough.’”

“Well not everyone can abandon their bandmates when a better deal comes around,” he spat.

Junhyung scoffed. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

Sunggyu growled and sat up. He pushed Junhyung’s naked chest away from him. “Just go home.”

“Why do you always have to be like this, you’re so--”

Sunggyu laughed bitterly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just leave. I’m not in the mood anymore.”

“Fine, whatever,” Junhyung muttered, pushing himself off the bed. He hastily pulled on his shirt and slammed the door on his way out.

Sunggyu laughed shakily. “Fuck,” he muttered, pulling his knees to his chest. He let his head lean back until it thunked against the headboard. His hands shook as he fumbled on the nightstand for his cigarettes and lighter.

Sungjong would kill him for not opening the window first, but Sunggyu frankly couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. He felt his shoulders relax with his first shaky exhale. Sunggyu rested his arms on his knees and hung his head.

It was so stupid of him, really, to still get upset about shit that happened years ago. Junhyung had made his choice, and he had chosen to keep fucking him anyway, Sunggyu thought bitterly. It didn’t matter, not anymore.

The past was something better left untouched.

Once again, Sunggyu felt the encroaching loneliness that had refused to leave him since the moment he realized his path and his life wouldn’t be like others’. It had been harder than he thought it’d be, making a go of it in Seoul to pursue his dreams of music. And what did he have to show for it?

Sunggyu hadn’t given up, though. He could feel it. He was on the precipice of something big, something much grander than he could understand in the moment. He still felt it, that inexorable pull towards an uncertain and un-promised future. There was something great still in store for him, he was sure.

He snuffed out his cigarette, feeling a bit better. He clung desperately to that small thread of hopefulness as he fell asleep that night.

***

Sunggyu arrived early to soundcheck. He was not the only performer that night, it seemed. In fact, he was one of the last acts to go on. The café itself gave off a warm and cozy feeling, small but not so small one felt suffocated. There were framed vinyl records lining the wall giving the space a distinct musical motif.

Sunggyu shrugged. Music must be this café’s _thing_.

The counter where they would normally serve coffee had been converted into a small bar. They served coffee by day and beer by night.

The employee Sunggyu had met last week waved him to the back where he could set up. The door next to the small stage led to a clean, white hallway lined with small rooms. Sunggyu could see that many were already claimed by other musicians performing that night.

Sunggyu went into an empty room and ran through the songs again as he waited to be called on stage. Finally, it was his turn to perform.

He tried to gauge the audience’s receptiveness as he walked on stage. They were already buzzed, clapping and shouting much too loudly for a crowd that didn't know who he was. Bora smiled at him from behind the bar. She cheered when the ambient lights dimmed, nearly making a mess of the beer she was pouring. He cleared his throat in front of the microphone and began to play.

The first half of the set went well, Sunggyu thought. He began with familiar songs that the crowd would recognize before playing more obscure covers and original works. The warm applause after every song turned into shouts and whistles as Sunggyu slowly relaxed. It had been so long since he had been up on stage like this. It was nice, and a warm feeling that began in his chest slowly spread to the rest of his body.

It was towards the end, the last song in his set, that he caught sight of a familiar flash of dark hair. His voice shook for a moment before regaining its strength as he convinced himself it was a trick of the light.

It was over all too soon, but Sunggyu had been shaken and was eager to get off stage. He hastily thanked the audience and bowed before making way for the next performer. Sunggyu was packing his guitar back into its case when Bora opened the door behind him.

“You did amazing!” she said, coming up behind him to pull him into a hug. Sunggyu pushed her away gently.

“Don’t, I’m all sweaty,” he said, “but thanks.”

She scrunched up her nose. “Right. Well, what are you doing after this?”

Sunggyu shrugged as he secured the last latch on the case. “Going home, I guess.”

“No!” she whined, “You _have_ to stay until close. We’re having a party afterwards to celebrate our opening, and all the employees and performers are invited.”

Sunggyu chewed on his lip as he considered her offer. “I don’t know. It’s been a long night.”

“Please,” she begged.

Sunggyu checked the time on his phone. The place closed at midnight, but the cab fare home wasn’t too bad, and he could probably split it with someone else. He sighed. “Fine, I’ll stay.”

“Yesss.” Sunggyu watched her with an amused expression as she pumped her fist in the air. “Meet me out by the bar when you’re done here.”

Truthfully, Sunggyu had wanted out of that place since he had seen the mirage in the audience, but at least here he might be able to forget after a few drinks. He ordered a drink and settled himself into one of the few available bar stools to watch the rest of the performers that night. By last call, Sunggyu was well and truly buzzed, and they brought out the hard liquor once the last customer had left.

He was laughing at some joke Bora had told when the other bartender clanged a spoon against her glass to grab everyone’s attention. She stood on a chair to address the small group.

“Okay, everyone,” she said, smiling. She yelped when another employee pinched her leg. “Enough! Let’s let the boss speak!”

Sunggyu heard a deep voice next to her clear his throat. He pushed through the crowd of other performers and employees to get a look at him, and suddenly wished he hadn’t. Sunggyu felt sick.

“To new beginnings,” Woohyun said, raising his glass in toast. Sunggyu tried to move back, to hide himself once again in the crowd, but Woohyun caught his eye first. It was like he was frozen, held there by some magnetic force in his gaze that compelled time to stop.

Woohyun never broke his gaze as he raised the glass to his lips and took a drink. Sunggyu finally pulled his eyes away to stare at his own mostly full glass of liquor. He downed the rest in one go.

The crowd broke up after the toast, and Sunggyu knew he had to take this chance to escape. He waved Bora over and told her he was leaving.

“What? You can’t go,” she pleaded, “The party’s barely started.”

Sunggyu shrugged on his jacket. “I remembered I have something to do in the morning. Sorry.”

She scoffed at the obvious lie, but thankfully didn’t push the subject. Sunggyu quickly made his way to the back to grab his guitar case. His hand was on the back door of the building which led out into an alleyway when a shout of his name stopped him.

“Sunggyu!” He frowned as Woohyun placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s been a while.”

Sunggyu shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Yeah. Eight years.”

It had been almost a decade, but it was shocking how little Woohyun had changed. He was shorter than Sunggyu by perhaps no more than two centimeters, and his black hair still flopped onto his face in a way that shouldn’t be as cute as it was.

Woohyun awkwardly let his hand drop from Sunggyu’s shoulder and cleared his throat. “I watched your set earlier.”

“I thought I saw you, but I wasn’t sure,” Sunggyu said quietly. He chewed on his lip guiltily.

“So you finally put words to that song?”

Sunggyu looked down. He knew which song Woohyun was talking about. It was the same one he’d played for him on the last birthday they’d shared together--the last night they spent together. “It took a while.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment before Sunggyu spoke again. “I’m--I’m not sure I should play here again.”

Woohyun shook his head roughly. “What are you talking about?”

“Why did you let me perform?” Sunggyu’s face reddened as he backed himself into the door to create space between them. “Was it out of some weird sense of obligation? You don’t--” He swallowed thickly. “You don’t need to give me a job just because I’m your ex. I don’t want your pity money.”

“Pity money?” Woohyun took a step back. His hurt expression made Sunggyu’s heart twist. “I hired you to play because you’re _good_. I’ve always thought that.”

Sunggyu looked down in shame when he realized Woohyun’s hurt was genuine. “I’m sorry, I--I should go.”

“Wait!” Woohyun reached out to grab his wrist, but cringed and dropped it when he remembered he no longer had that right. “You’re going to come back next week, right?”

“I don’t know,” Sunggyu mumbled. He hesitantly met Woohyun’s gaze with his own.

“Look, I’m not asking you to come back as your ex--” Woohyun stopped and winced. “What I mean is I’m asking you to come back as the owner. The customers liked hearing you sing.”

Sunggyu shifted on his feet uneasily. He still had one hand on the doorknob, ready to flee at any moment. After a moment of no response, Woohyun continued, “You can pretend like you don’t know me, if you want, but I don’t think we parted on unfriendly terms, so--so I’d like to try and be friends again.”

Sunggyu’s face softened. “I never meant to act like I didn’t know you.”

“I know,” Woohyun replied. “So…?”

Woohyun held out his hand. Sunggyu hesitantly took it in his and shook. “Deal.”

“So I’ll see you next week?”

Sunggyu couldn’t help but crack a smile at Woohyun’s familiar dimpled grin. “Yeah.”

Woohyun watched him with an unreadable expression as Sunggyu let himself out the back door and began his journey home.

***

It was nearly 4am as Woohyun nursed a glass of whiskey in his now-empty café. The last employee had gone home nearly half an hour earlier, but Woohyun had stayed behind to make sure everything was ready for the next day. Well, that was what he had _intended_ , but instead he found himself staring off into space as he finished off his glass.

In retrospect, the decent thing to do would have been to tell Sunggyu he owned the place _before_ hiring him to play. It hadn’t been that bad though, right? Sunggyu had promised to come back. He promised.

Truthfully, Woohyun hadn’t been sure that he wanted to see Sunggyu again. He’d missed him, yes, but it had hurt--still hurt--to think of him after all those years. Now… he still wasn’t sure what he felt when he looked at Sunggyu, but he wanted to find out.

He remembered when his employee had pressed the thin CD case into his hand and he had recognized the messy, unreadable scrawl on the cover. Sunggyu had changed, somehow. His voice was deeper and more controlled. His guitar playing, too, was more restrained than when they were in high school, but no less powerful. He’d lost his baby fat and seemed a little too comfortable in his “starving artist” aesthetic.

“What am I doing…?” he muttered, pushing himself up from his chair. He absentmindedly washed the glass as he stared out over the dim countertop.

It was a gift from his mother, a congratulations for completing his military service after university. She had recently acquired it through a merger, and needed someone to run it and oversee its success. Woohyun had felt somewhat dirty taking it from her, like he hadn’t earned it, but she had seemed so eager.

He guessed this was all a part of her master plan to make up for lost time.

Woohyun sighed. He’d forgotten how lonely whiskey made him feel. He put the glass away in the cabinet and decided to lock up.

He lived just above the café, in a modest apartment that still lacked all but the most basic furniture since he had moved to Seoul barely a month ago.

He’d left behind a girlfriend and a lifetime in that small city he and Sunggyu had called home, but it had bothered him less than he thought it would. Still, he got lonely, and so far hadn’t found anyone to share that loneliness with in that too-big city.

One of the baristas was clearly interested in him, and up until a little while ago, he’d considered taking her up on her offer, but that was before Sunggyu’s demo had fallen into his hands. He frowned. He shouldn’t think about things like that.

Woohyun opened the door to his quiet bedroom. There was no box spring or bed frame, just a mattress on the floor and a phone charger plugged into the outlet next to it. He slipped under the covers and checked his phone. Nothing, except for a missed text message from his mother asking how opening had gone. He ignored it and set the phone on the nightstand.

He stared up at the ceiling as he slowly drifted off to sleep, and tried not to think about long, slender fingers trembling as they tightly clutched the microphone.

***

Sunggyu kept his promise and returned the next week to play. Woohyun nodded awkwardly at him after he got off stage, and since Sunggyu wasn’t quite sure what to say back, he bowed and walked away quickly.

Junhyung continued to call him, and Sunggyu continued to ignore him until he walked into his bedroom one night to find him lazily scrolling through his phone on his bed.

“What are you doing here?” Sunggyu asked, eyes narrowing as Junhyung set down his phone to smirk at him.

“Your roommate let me in.”

“Idiot,” Sunggyu muttered under his breath. He briefly considered letting Sungjong have it from where he was camped out on the sofa, texting some friend as he watched re-runs of some corny sitcom from ten years ago. He set his guitar case against the wall and sighed. “You need to leave.”

Junhyung frowned and got out of the bed. “I’m trying to apologize here.”

“Really? I thought apologies started with ‘sorry.’”

Junhyung rolled his eyes and pulled him into a hug that Sunggyu wouldn’t reciprocate. “I’m sorry, Gyu. I shouldn’t have brought the past up.”

“Cool. Now you can leave,” Sunggyu grunted, pushing Junhyung off of him. He turned around and began to undress for bed.

As he discarded his shirt, Junhyung whined and hugged him from behind, pressing a kiss into his neck. “Just forgive me already, Gyu. I miss my friend.”

“It’s fine, really,” Sunggyu sighed, but didn’t pull away. “Let’s just forget it.”

Junhyung hummed in agreement, then asked, “So how did it go?”

“The live?” Sunggyu gently pried himself from his grasp and moved to his dresser. He took out his earrings and placed them carefully on top.

Junhyung moved to sit on the bed. “Yeah, did it go well?”

Sunggyu hummed in agreement as he walked into the cramped bathroom attached to his bedroom. “The crowd was into it. And--” Sunggyu paused as he used water to scrub the dirt and grime off his face. “My ex was there.”

“Your ex?” Junhyung furrowed his brows and laid on his back. “Which one? The one with the bad dye job?”

“Ex- _boyfriend_ ,” Sunggyu corrected. He rinsed his mouth out and walked back into the bedroom.

Junhyung frowned. “You never mentioned an ex-boyfriend.”

“It never mattered. I haven’t even talked to him since high school.”

Sunggyu stepped out of his jeans and laid down next to Junhyung. Junhyung turned to him and smiled. “I can’t believe _you_ had a high school sweetheart.” Sunggyu scrunched up his nose and stared at him in disgust. Junhyung burst into laughter. “What’s with that face?!”

“Stop saying weird things,” Sunggyu mumbled. He yawned and stretched, and Junhyung’s smile faded into an unreadable stare. Sunggyu met his gaze. “Go home, Junhyung.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Junhyung shifted onto his side and rested a hand on Sunggyu’s torso, slowly moving it up and down.

Sunggyu gently pried the hand from his body. “I mean it. You can’t sleep over, and I don’t feel like doing anything tonight.”

Junhyung flopped onto his back. He pressed his hands into his eyes and groaned. “Augh, you’re no fun.” After a moment he sat up and pushed himself off the bed. “Fine, I’ll see you. I just wanted to apologize for being a dick anyway.”

“I’ll call you,” Sunggyu replied, not moving from where he laid on the bed. He heard the door shut behind Junhyung and stared up at the ceiling.

He slowly pushed himself up. Sunggyu walked into the living room and dropped down into the seat on the couch next to Sungjong, startling him.

“Don’t let weird people into the apartment.”

Sungjong rolled his eyes and kept watching the program. He laughed quietly at one of the gags.

“Haven’t you seen this episode before?” Sunggyu continued, nudging his shoulder.

Getting no response, he leaned onto Sungjong, putting more and more weight onto his shoulder until Sungjong cracked and pushed him away. “God, you’re so annoying! I only let him in because he wouldn’t stop knocking!”

“You’re too easy, Jjongie.” Sunggyu watched the program silently for a moment before speaking again. “I saw Woohyun again.”

Sungjong sat up straighter at that, turning to Sunggyu in interest. “What? Where?”

“At the café I started playing at on Fridays,” Sunggyu replied. “He kind of… owns it?”

They sat there in silence for a moment as Sungjong processed the information. “And how did that go? Meeting him again, that is.”

“About as well as you’d expect, more or less,” Sunggyu said. He looked down at his lap and fiddled with his thumb. “He wants to be friends again.”

“Oh.” Sungjong paused thoughtfully. “Do you want to be friends again?”

“Yes,” Sunggyu answered quickly. “That’s what scares me. I don’t know if I remember how to be friends with Woohyun.”

Sungjong hummed sympathetically. “Just take it slow, and don’t--don’t convince yourself there are feelings there that don’t really exist. It’s hard to think of him as just a friend, but don’t confuse that for love.”

“I think I have a bit more experience with that than you,” Sunggyu replied, rolling his eyes. Sungjong punched his shoulder. Sunggyu gave a short laughed and smiled. “Thanks anyway.”

“Don’t thank me, thank all these romance talk shows.” Sungjong reached forward to grab the remote from the coffee table. “I swear, they should make me a co-host on some of these by now.”

Sunggyu laughed again and settled into the couch to watch whatever Sungjong picked out. As the light of the TV flickered on his heavy lids, Sunggyu felt himself drifting slowly off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the café Woohyun owns is actually based on a café a family friend started up years ago. I went there a lot in high school, so I thought it'd be a cool setting for this fic. I hope it's not too confusing! Expect updates of this to be sporadic & around 5k words each. I fully intend to finish this within the next month or two and I have a full plot mapped out, but school just started back and it's my last year of uni ; u ; so I'll be really busy with school and work too. I'm estimating this will end up being in the 30-40k range though ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ


	2. of one night stands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has one of the scenes i've been wanting to write since before i even wrote the first word of sixteen, so this came out really fast

Sunggyu leaned against the bar as the music from the speakers pounded in his chest. He’d already finished his set and had decided to stay for a drink. He’d been playing at Woohyun’s café regularly for about a month now, and seeing Woohyun was slowly becoming routine.

As Bora slid him a drink, he felt someone take the spot next to him and was unsurprised to see Woohyun there.

“Shouldn’t you be out there, I don’t know, supervising?” Sunggyu asked, smiling as he took a sip from his glass.

Woohyun’s lips curved into a smile. “Actually, I’m supervising right now.”

“What exactly are you supervising from here? You can’t even see the stage.”

“This,” Woohyun said, grabbing the glass from Sunggyu’s hand. “It’s overfilled, actually.” He took a sip from it and handed it back. “There, now it’s perfect.”

“You’re unbelievable!” Sunggyu huffed, pulling the glass as far away from Woohyun as possible.

Woohyun laughed, and Sunggyu couldn’t help but crack a grin. He’d missed this. Somewhere along the way, among all the fighting and the anger and the hurt, he’d forgotten just how much he loved having Woohyun as a friend.

After a moment of silently staring into his glass, Sunggyu spoke again. “So what have you been up to these past few years?”

Woohyun hummed thoughtfully. “Nothing too special. I graduated from university and went straight into my military service. I thought it would be best to get it out of the way rather than complete it when I have a business to run.” He raised his hand to request two more glasses for them.

“That must have been a great look for you,” Sunggyu replied, smiling, “I bet you looked good in a uniform.”

Woohyun grimaced. “Actually, you wouldn’t believe how awful I look in a buzz cut.”

Sunggyu burst into laughter, and Woohyun grinned as he continued, “After that, my mom told me she had recently acquired a business in Hongdae and needed someone to run it.”

“So you moved to Seoul for this?” Sunggyu asked. He finished off his glass as Bora placed two more in front of them.

“More or less,” Woohyun replied, taking a sip. “I guess I needed a change too.”

He appeared deep in thought, and Sunggyu gazed at him carefully for a moment. “So do you like Seoul?”

Woohyun seemed to snap out of whatever hypnosis he’d been under and turned to smile at Sunggyu. “I don’t know yet.”

Sunggyu smiled back and raised his glass in toast. Woohyun clinked the rims together and they both winced as the alcohol burned its way down their throats.

Woohyun nudged Sunggyu with his knee. “I’m sure whatever you’ve been up to since graduation is much more interesting than my story.”

Sunggyu laughed. “Maybe not as interesting as you’d hoped.” Woohyun stared at him encouragingly until Sunggyu relented. “Fine! You already know I did my military service right out of high school. I couldn’t really afford anything else at the time.” Sunggyu swirled the contents of his glass as he remembered the first time they shaved his head and put him in an uncomfortable green uniform. “After that, I met up with some friends in Seoul. You remember Yongguk?”

Woohyun nodded, but didn’t speak. He took another sip of his drink.

“Well, I couch surfed between him and a few other people until I earned enough money from a bunch of shitty part-time jobs to make a deposit on a place with Sungjong.” Sunggyu smiled when he remembered holding the first key to his own apartment. “I was in a band with him, another friend, and Bora, actually, but we broke up.”

Woohyun frowned at the bitter way Sunggyu spoke of his old band. “Why did you break up?”

“The fourth guy left when he got signed as a soloist at some indie label,” Sunggyu forced out the words, as if each one left a rancid taste in his mouth. “It was years ago. Now, I still work a shitty part-time job at a café and try and make rent for a studio space where I teach music. I’m living the dream, right?”

Sunggyu frowned as Woohyun burst into laughter. “Wait,  _ you _ , a teacher?”

Sunggyu felt his face burn, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the embarrassing conversation. “Shut up,” he muttered, “I’m the best hope those fourteen-year-old wannabe idols have.”

Woohyun continued to laugh so hard he doubled over on the bar counter. As he noticed other patrons beginning to give them weird looks, Sunggyu punched Woohyun’s arm repeatedly. “I-I’m sorry, but,” Woohyun gasped, “I can’t imagine you teaching a paper plane to fly.”

“This conversation was a mistake,” Sunggyu said, sliding off of the bar stool. “I’m just going to go--”

“Wait,” Woohyun panted, finally containing his giggles. “I’m sorry. It’s just--Sorry. I’m sure you’re a great teacher.”

Sunggyu huffed and sat back down on the bar stool. “You don’t have to fake flattery, you know?”

Woohyun simply grinned at him in return. After a moment, his mouth opened to form a perfect ‘o’ as he he’d just thought of the most genius idea in the universe. “You should move your lessons here!”

“Wait… Are you drunk?” Sunggyu looked at him suspiciously. He hadn’t noticed the light pink flush in Woohyun’s cheeks earlier, but maybe this wasn’t his first drink that night.

“I’m not! I just think it’d be a great idea, I mean--” He shifted on the barstool so that he was facing Sunggyu, much closer than he should have been. “You said the rent at your current studio is too expensive, and we have all those rooms in the back.”

Sunggyu wasn’t sure if what Woohyun was saying was making any sense, but he let him continue, leaning in closer so that he could hear.

“They’re never occupied until the evening anyway, so you could do your lessons here in the daytime! It fits in perfectly with our theme.” Woohyun crossed his arms as if he were the world’s greatest genius. 

Sunggyu snorted. “And you’re just going to let me teach here rent free?”

Woohyun frowned. “I don’t see why I’d need to charge you, I mean--”

Sunggyu held up a hand to stop him. “How the fuck did you even graduate with a business degree? I told you I don’t need your charity.”

“You’re such a bore,” Woohyun groaned. “Fine, I’ll charge you some rent. Please, Gyu? Aren’t we friends?”

He grabbed Sunggyu’s hand and jutted his lower lip out in a pout. Sunggyu laughed and pulled his hand away to tousle his hair. “Of course we are. Fine, I accept!”

Woohyun cheered loudly and ordered another round of drinks.

Sunggyu returned Woohyun’s grin as the drinks were placed in front of them. Woohyun leaned in closer to be heard over the pounding music. “Are you seeing anyone?”

Sunggyu almost choked on his drink at the question. He wiped the liquid from his mouth clumsily and replied, “N-no. Not at the moment.” He hesitated for a moment. “And you?”

“I was, but we broke up when I moved here.” Woohyun reached over to use his sleeve to wipe the drops of alcohol that had spilled on the bar countertop.

Sunggyu paused where he was rubbing at a wet spot on his shirt. “That’s kind of sad.”

“Yeah,” Woohyun shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “I guess it is.”

Later that evening, as Sunggyu watched another patron lead the rest of the room in a raucous rendition of some old drinking song, he felt Woohyun’s arm slide around his shoulder. He jumped, startled by the sudden contact, then gradually eased into it. This was okay; this was what friends did.

And when Woohyun removed his arm a few moments later, Sunggyu found that he missed it.

***

Sunggyu had to call someone he knew with a truck to move the piano, but all in all it was a very simple move. He informed all his students of the new location, and Woohyun even made a small sign for him to stick in the front window so that passersby would know that there were music lessons within. It was a bit awkward, being handed his own set of keys to Woohyun’s shop (“Just in case,” Woohyun insisted), but Sunggyu was careful to secure them on his key ring so that he wouldn’t lose them.

He saw Woohyun occasionally throughout the day, making drinks or checking up on customers. Woohyun would occasionally catch his eye and smile, which made Sunggyu smile hesitantly back at him. It wasn’t much. It was a nod to each other as Sunggyu sent off another student, a short wave when Sunggyu came in to set up his studio, but it still made his chest grow warm. They were good as friends--really, really good.

His last student of the day was running late, and Sunggyu sat by the bar counter, patiently tapping his fingers on the wood surface.

“What’ll you do if they don’t show?” Woohyun asked from where he stood behind the counter, drying out glasses.

Sunggyu frowned. “Don’t say that.”

“Alright,” Woohyun sighed and added the cup to the stack of glasses next to him. “What if they got scared of you though? Your eyes are pretty scary.”

Sunggyu glared at him and Woohyun gasped. “There! Those eyes! Chills, every time.”

“Whatever,” he muttered, forcing himself to look away. He resumed staring at the door as if he could force it to open by will.

Woohyun stared at him for a moment. “Are you mad? Your eyes are cute though.”

Sunggyu stared at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

Woohyun chuckled as Sunggyu pushed himself off the barstool and went to sit at a table closer to the door. “Yah, you should learn to appreciate my presence. I won’t be here tomorrow.”

Sunggyu perked up at that. “Where are you going?”

“Meeting my mom,” Woohyun said quietly, setting down his rag. “I’ll be having a late lunch with her, so this place will be all yours until the evening.”

“Oh.” Sunggyu bit his lip, unsure if he should ask about it. Did he have permission? He wasn’t sure where the lines between what had been okay between them as lovers and what had been okay as friends were drawn. Would asking about it even help?

Before he could come to a decision, the bell over the door rang as his last student of the day burst through the entryway, doubling over as she caught her breath.

Sunggyu waved off all her apologies for being late and walked her to the back room where they’d be practicing that day. He took one last glance at Woohyun where he still stood behind the bar. He stared back.

***

Woohyun tapped his fingers impatiently against the tablecloth of one of the tables of his mother’s favorite restaurant. It was her own, of course, but Woohyun doubted she cared if everyone else had grown sick of the food there.

“How’s your father?” she asked hesitantly.

Woohyun’s fingers stilled, then picked up pace at his irritation. “He’s fine. He still lives in the old house.”

His mother nodded silently, looking down. “I have something to tell you.”

Woohyun looked at his mother from where she sat across the table, hands folded in her lap. She was a cold woman, her hair pulled back into a severe bun as if it could stretch her face tight enough to erase the wrinkles time had etched into her face. He sat silently as he waited for her to speak.

“As you know, I’ve been seeing someone for quite a while, and--” She took a deep breath. “We’re getting married, Woohyun-ah.”

Woohyun felt something in his stomach sink. He didn’t know what he had expected, but it surely wasn’t this. “Married? What the hell?”

“Language, Woohyun,” she hissed. She tentatively reached out to grab his hand. “I know this is hard to process, but you’re grown up now. And I… I love him very much--”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Woohyun pulled his hand sharply away and used it to tug at his hair. “So, what am I supposed to do, show up to the reception? Fine, I’ll be there.”

She returned her hands to her lap where she continued to wring her wrists. She looked at her lap as she said, “Actually, we discussed it, and we-- we want you and your brother to be the best men.”

Woohyun laughed breathlessly, as if he’d been punched. “Best men? Shouldn’t there only be one?”

“How could I choose between my sons?” She looked at him sadly. “Please, Woohyun, do this for me.”

“No. I’m not going to be  _ his _ best man.” Woohyun unconsciously balled his hands into fists. “I don’t want to be his best anything.”

His mother stiffened, and her face became hard. “Woohyun-ah, you will stop this childish behavior.”

“I’m not going to be his best man.” Woohyun glared at her coldly. “I’ll show up to the wedding because I know Boohyun would want me to, that’s all.”

His mother sighed and shook her head. “You’re too old to be acting like this.”

Woohyun huffed and crossed his arms. He knew arguing at this point would be futile, and it would only get him into trouble. He closed his eyes and tried to count to ten.

“How’s the café in Hongdae?”

Woohyun gritted his teeth. “It’s fine, Mom. We’ve been steady since opening.”

“Good, good,” She nodded to herself as if confirming something. Woohyun didn’t meet her gaze, he just stared hard at the exit as if he could teleport himself there by sheer willpower.

His mother called for the check.

***

Sunggyu groaned as Junhyung pulled out and collapsed next to him on the creaky mattress. It was only early evening, and Sunggyu still had to play at the café after this, but his lessons had ended early, and Junhyung wouldn’t stop texting him. He pushed the damp hair out of his face, closing his eyes as he caught his breath. He cracked one eyelid when he felt the mattress shift next to him.

Junhyung was already up, heading towards the bathroom to shower.

“You got somewhere to be after this?” Sunggyu asked, smiling to himself. “A hot date maybe?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you call a guitar and an empty practice room,” he snorted over the hiss of running water.

“Oh, are you finally going to do some work?”

“Something like that,” Junhyung called.

He came out of the bathroom ten minutes later and got dressed in his old clothes. Sunggyu sat up and watched him impassively, waiting for him to leave. He hesitated in the doorway.

“Sunggyu, I--I have something to tell you,” Junhyung said carefully, gauging his reaction. Sunggyu’s brows shot up, but he didn’t respond as he waited for him to continue. “In a few months, I won’t be around as much. Or at all. I’m going on tour.”

Sunggyu felt the air leave him. He froze and looked down at the mattress in shock. “Oh.” He reminded himself to breathe. “When did you find out?”

“This morning,” Junhyung replied, “My manager called me. I need to practice more for it, so I think it’s best if we don’t meet up as much.”

Sunggyu felt numb. He blinked furiously, trying to process the information all at once, but his brain was refusing to accept the unpleasant feeling forming in his chest. “That’s… good for you, Junhyung.”

“Gyu, don’t be like this,” Junhyung warned, voice low.

“Be like what?” Sunggyu growled. “I’m happy for you.”

Junhyung laughed dangerously. “No, you’re not. You’re pissed because you’re jealous, and you think it should your band on tour.”

“Our band,” Sunggyu muttered.

“Our band? You think I wanted that?” Junhyung spat. “You think I wanted to waste half my twenties making fucking pocket change and starving?”

“Do you think any of us did?” Sunggyu cursed the way his voice trembled.

“Look, I saw my chance, and I took it.” Junhyung’s hand moved to the doorknob. “I even offered to let you join me, but you and your overblown pride told me to shove it. You don’t get to blame me.”

“I don’t blame you, I just--”

“You just regret not joining me.” Junhyung rolled his eyes from the doorway. “If you were the one they had offered that solo contract to, you would’ve done the exact same thing and you know it.”

“Just get out.”

Junhyung swung the door open. “I was just leaving.”

“Get out!” Sunggyu grabbed the ashtray from his nightstand and threw it as the door closed behind him. It hit the door and landed on the floor with a  _ thunk _ , breaking in two from the force of it. He focused on taking calming breaths, but nothing seemed to ease the growing irritation in his chest. He groaned and threw the blanket off his bed.

Sunggyu paced the floor of his bedroom several times. He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed.

With shaky hands, he got ready for work.

Sunggyu went through the evening in a daze. Even if someone asked, he wouldn’t have been able to tell them how his set that evening had gone. Something in him was still trembling when he raised an unsteady hand to request a drink at the bar that night.

The alcohol seemed to help, so he ordered drink after drink and ignored Bora’s warnings to stop. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to, and, god, he wanted to. He had become uncomfortably aware of his life’s unstoppable trajectory. Sunggyu was a speck of dust hurtling at lightspeed across time and space when all he wanted was for it to stop, to stop and give him time to breathe.

He felt removed from his body as he stood on a bar stool after closing and loudly suggested they all go out for drinks. He grinned at Woohyun’s worried look.

The staff of Woohyun’s café and Sunggyu found themselves crammed into a booth at a bar down the street. With every drinking game and  call for another round of drinks, Sunggyu felt himself forget. The pain in his chest began to numb and he felt himself drift further and further away from the corporeal body rooted to the ground.

Woohyun seemed agitated too, and if he was sober when the café closed, he seemed determined to catch up or at least keep pace with Sunggyu. This was fine, this was fun--Sunggyu was having fun, wasn’t he?

He felt the room begin to spin and stumbled backwards. Something firm and warm kept him from falling.

“Gyu? Everyone’s leaving. You need to go home.” Woohyun’s voice was muffled and distant as if he were speaking to him underwater. Sunggyu reached out to clutch at the soft fabric of his shirt when he tried to pull away.

“Fuck, there’s no way he can get home like this.” Sunggyu turned to look at Bora who was staring at him in concern, but his eyes wouldn’t focus and it only made him dizzier.

They stumbled out of the stuffy bar into the cold, crisp night. Most of the group they had come there with were gone. Sunggyu had his arm slung around someone--he wasn’t sure who--and laughed at nothing in particular as they walked to the end of the block.

Woohyun turned to Bora and said, “I’ll take Gyu back to my place to sleep it off.”

She nodded her thanks and bid them farewell as she called for a taxi to take her and the other remaining employee home. Woohyun watched them until the cab pulled up, then turned to Sunggyu.

His heart skipped a beat when Sunggyu wasn’t there. Woohyun frantically looked around, only to breathe a sigh of relief when he saw him slumped against a wall twenty feet ahead.

Woohyun walked up to him to find him panting, holding a hand over his eyes. “Time to go home, Gyu.”

“Just gimme a minute,” he slurred, clenching his eyes shut tighter, “The room won’t stop spinning.”

“We’re outside, stupid,” Woohyun said softly and smiled. “Alright, Gyu,” he said, wrapping an arm around Sunggyu’s waist to keep him upright, “I think you’ve had enough fun for one night.”

It was a miracle that they didn’t both fall and break their heads open on the sidewalk, even for the short distance back to the café. As Woohyun fumbled with his keys, Sunggyu slumped against the brick wall next to the door.

“Why are we back here?” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

“I live here,” Woohyun replied. He sighed in relief when he finally heard the  _ click _ of the lock.

Sunggyu furrowed his brows. “You live in the café?”

“I live above it,” Woohyun laughed softly, and pulled him close again.

Sunggyu shoved him off and stumbled backwards. “I can walk by myself. I’m not that drunk anymore.”

“You sure? There are a lot of stairs though.”

Sunggyu groaned and collapsed on the ground. Woohyun laughed as Sunggyu curled into a ball. He almost missed Sunggyu’s voice as it was muffled by the fabric of his jacket. “You always make my life difficult.”

“As lazy as ever, I see.” Woohyun bent over and pulled him up by his biceps. “Come on, you can make it.”

“I can’t make it,” Sunggyu whined, making weak attempts to free his arms. “I can’t do it--I, I can’t--” Woohyun recoiled in shock, and Sunggyu hesitantly touched his cheek. He stared at his fingers in wonder as he was surprised to find them wet.

“Jesus, okay…” Woohyun tried to calm himself before he panicked. He suddenly felt like this conversation was not about stairs anymore. “Let’s just take it one step at a time, Gyu? Alright?”

Sunggyu nodded weakly and let himself be pulled by Woohyun into the building.

They climbed slowly up the stairs, and when they reached the top landing, they both slumped against the walls, panting. Woohyun pushed himself off, opened the door to his apartment, and dragged Sunggyu inside.

Sunggyu pulled away from him as soon as they got inside and stumbled to Woohyun’s bedroom. Woohyun followed closely behind him and grimaced when he saw Sunggyu was laying on his bed and had already shut his eyes to sleep. He silently thanked whatever deity had given him the motivation to go furniture shopping last week. “Go wash your face and I’ll get the couch ready.”

“Why can’t I sleep here?” Sunggyu mumbled into the pillow.

Woohyun sighed and climbed onto the mattress to shake him awake. “You know why.”

Sunggyu slowly opened his eyes as Woohyun continued to shake his shoulder. He turned over to face Woohyun and froze when he found their faces inches apart.

“Sunggyu.” He shivered at the way Woohyun said his name. “You need to sleep on the couch.” Sunggyu simply blinked in reply, and Woohyun realized they were heading into dangerous territory. “Or I’ll sleep on the couch, I don’t care, it’s just that somebody needs to sleep on the couch before--”

He shut up when Sunggyu pressed their lips together in an innocent kiss. When they pulled apart, he could hardly make out Sunggyu’s glittering eyes in the gloom. “You talk a lot.”

Woohyun hardly had time to catch his breath before Sunggyu kissed him again, less innocent this time. He gasped when he felt Sunggyu’s fingers begin to unfasten the buttons of his shirt, and Sunggyu took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Woohyun’s mouth.

His drunk self clung desperately to the last fragments of sober rationality as he shoved Sunggyu away. Woohyun climbed on top of him and pinned him down by his shoulders to prevent him from moving. Sunggyu whined at the loss of contact, squirming underneath him. Woohyun panted desperately as he tried to catch his breath. “Please stop, Gyu. We shouldn’t do this.”

“You don’t want to?” Sunggyu’s voice sounded very small in that moment. Woohyun stared down at him. His eyes were glazed and still red from crying earlier; his lips were swollen and parted.

“I--” Before he could answer, Sunggyu raised his hand and gently pushed his hair back where it had fallen in front of his eyes. He gulped. “We’re drunk. This is a mistake.”

Sunggyu’s face fell. He sniffled, then said, “Right. A mistake. I’m just being stupid.”

“That’s not what I meant, just--” Woohyun pulled him into an embrace. He felt Sunggyu’s hands curl around the material of his shirt as Woohyun stroked his hair.

He froze when he felt Sunggyu pull back to look him in the eyes.

Woohyun’s earlier actions seemed to contradict his words as he inched closer to Sunggyu’s face. When he was close enough, Sunggyu leaned forward to meet his lips. He moved his arms to either side of Sunggyu’s head and broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Sunggyu’s.

“Sunggyu,” he said quietly, “If we continue, I don’t think I can--I don’t know if I can stop.”

“I don’t want you to,” Sunggyu whispered. For the second time that night, Sunggyu felt like he was outside his body, watching himself make mistakes he knew he would regret in the morning.

As he desperately pulled Woohyun closer to him, he wondered  _ why _ . They had finally become friends again. Why was he doing this?

He and Woohyun don’t work as a couple. Even in his drunken state, he knew that they shouldn’t do this.

Woohyun pulled off Sunggyu’s shirt and kissed the spot on his collarbone where he remembered he was sensitive. Sunggyu squirmed as he once again fumbled with the buttons of Woohyun’s shirt. He was embarrassed by the whine that came from his mouth as Woohyun pulled away to remove his shirt entirely.

Woohyun swallowed dryly as he traced the marks and bruises already littering Sunggyu’s upper body with his eyes. He wondered if they still hurt. He slowly moved his hand so that it covered the finger shaped bruises on his waist.

“What’s wrong?” Sunggyu asked nervously, tilting his head.

Woohyun shook his head roughly, pushing the intrusive thoughts from his mind. “It’s nothing.”

Sunggyu nodded hesitantly, and Woohyun went back to his previous task of removing the rest of Sunggyu’s clothes.

The thing was, Sunggyu knew that just spending time together, smiling and laughing like they used to, should be enough. He shouldn’t ask for more than that.

When they were both undressed, Woohyun paused as he examined Sunggyu lying naked below him. “You’re sure?”

Sunggyu covered his face with his hand as he nodded yes.

Woohyun gently pulled Sunggyu’s hand away from his face. Sunggyu shivered at his intense gaze. “I want to see you.”

It was then that Sunggyu realized that being Woohyun’s friend would never be enough. He’d never feel satisfied with that line drawn in the sand, and he would always childishly choose to cross it, regardless of what was good for everyone else.

Sunggyu couldn’t stop a tear from leaking out as Woohyun pushed in. He was loose from earlier, but still sore, and Woohyun hadn’t prepared him enough.

It had been so long, after all.

It was a good soreness though, one that tethered him to the present moment. It was something he could focus on to keep all the other thoughts out of his head, the pain--and the pleasure.

Sunggyu raked his nails down Woohyun’s back as Woohyun thrusted into him at a quickening pace. For the first time in the past eight years, he was able to shut his eyes and pretend he was seventeen again. Before all the failures, all the loneliness, and all the betrayal he had this--he had Woohyun.

Sunggyu whimpered when he came, and clung to Woohyun tightly as his thrusts picked up pace and became rougher. He gasped in pain as Woohyun bit his shoulder and buried his face in the crook of his neck as he came too.

He felt his hand come up to stroke Woohyun’s hair as they came down from their high. Woohyun pressed apologetic kisses to his neck and pulled away. He looked down softly at Sunggyu’s sharp eyes. He kissed him again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter marks the halfway point in the story I think ^^ From here on, the story will become quite a bit more Woohyun-centric

Sunggyu groaned quietly at the pain in his head when he awoke. There was a bright, golden light streaming through the blinders that was only making his headache worse. He stiffened when he felt something shift next to him. Sunggyu tentatively opened his eyes and examined the sleeping lump next to him.

_ Fuck _ .

It was Woohyun, naked and covered in hickeys and scratch marks. But they couldn’t have, could they?

Sunggyu slowly pushed himself up and winced at the pain in his hips: exhibit A that they had done exactly what they should not have done. Sunggyu slipped as quietly as he could off the mattress. He tried to silence his footsteps as he padded across the hardwood floors around to the other side of the bed. Used condoms in the waste bin: exhibit B.

_ Fuck _ .

He began to panic as he frantically tried to gather his things as quietly as he could. Maybe Woohyun wouldn’t remember? As long as he could slip out before Woohyun woke up, there was a chance he could--

“Sunggyu?”

Sunggyu grimaced. He finished pulling up his pants before hesitantly answering. “Um, yeah?”

“Where are you going?” Woohyun groaned, pushing himself up in bed.

Sunggyu hastily pulled on his shirt and patted down his pockets to be sure he still had his wallet and keys. “Home?”

“Sunggyu, wait,” Woohyun threw off his blanket, but Sunggyu was already at the bedroom door.

He hesitated in the door frame. “I’ll see you at the café later, okay?”

Before Woohyun could protest, he had fled out the front door, making a break for the subway station.

Sunggyu closed his eyes and leaned back in the uncomfortable subway seat. He felt gross, really gross, and, rather than contemplate how last night was probably at the top of the list of fucked up choices he’d made in his life, he really just wanted to shower and go back to sleep.

He quietly unlocked the door to the apartment. It was still early enough that Sungjong  _ might _ not be awake yet. He slipped into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of water to down a couple of ibuprofen. He jumped when he heard someone clear his throat behind him.

“Wow,” Sungjong said, taking in his haggard appearance. “Someone had a rough night.”

“Fuck you,” Sunggyu muttered. He swallowed the pills and put the glass back in the sink.

Sungjong smirked at his pale visage. “So who’s the lucky guy?”

“None of your business,” Sunggyu growled.

“It’s going to be everyone’s business when they see that huge hickey on your neck.”

Sunggyu smacked a hand against his neck in alarm. He stumbled to the mirror in his bathroom with Sungjong trailing behind him. It was a nasty bruise, dark purple, and it was way too large to be hidden by makeup.

“Oh, God,” he groaned, hanging his head as he gripped the sides of the sink.

Sungjong laughed. “Hyung, you’re getting way too old for one night stands.”

Sunggyu turned sharply towards him. He grabbed Sungjong by the shoulders and pushed him forcibly out of his bathroom and bedroom, slamming the door in his face.

He collapsed on his mattress as he rubbed his temples in an attempt to soothe his pounding headache that Sungjong had only made worse.

It was going to be a long day.

As Sunggyu entered the café that afternoon, he waved off any greetings from the employees and made a beeline for the sweet silence of the practice rooms. He took his time setting things up for his lessons; after all, it gave him a better chance of not having to interact with Woohyun and figure out what the hell this all meant.

When there was nothing left to set up and he had driven himself half-crazy pacing around the small white room, Sunggyu finally went back out to the dining area to wait for his student.

He was surprised to find that Woohyun wasn’t even there, just a couple of baristas and a handful of customers. He scratched at the uncomfortable fabric of his turtleneck and thanked god nobody else who had gone out drinking last night was working today.

Sunggyu greeted his students as usual, and as the afternoon went on he grew more and more curious as to where Woohyun could be. He hadn’t drunk nearly as much as Sunggyu, so he couldn’t be hungover. Was he sick?

Sunggyu entertained these racing thoughts in his head as he patiently waited for his last student of the day. He had his head buried in his arms, blocking out the sunlight that only made his headache worse, when he heard the bell over the door ring.

He looked up, and the sick feeling that had been following him all morning came back in full force. Sunggyu hesitantly raised his head as Woohyun stopped in front of the table he sat at.

“We need to talk.”

This was all Woohyun said before he continued to walk briskly into his office at the back of the store. Sunggyu gaped at his retreating form until the office door shut behind him.

Before he could react, his student burst through the doors, apologizing for being late. Sunggyu stared once again at the shut office door, then led the student to the practice rooms. He went through practice in a haze, and dismissed the student early. He couldn’t fight the feeling of anticipation about what would happen when he went to Woohyun’s office, and he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad feeling.

He hesitated outside the door before knocking. “Woohyun?”

“Come in,” Woohyun called. Sunggyu pushed the door open to find him seated at a desk buried beneath paperwork and permits. He stood hesitantly in the doorway.

“Is this about last night? Because I--”

“Actually it is,” Woohyun said, digging around in one of the drawers of the desk. He plucked a silver bracelet from inside and held it out to him. “You left this at my place. I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone else because... you know.”

“Oh.” Sunggyu took the bangle from Woohyun’s hand and slid it back onto his wrist. “Is that all?”

Woohyun shrugged and glanced around his office. “Is your headache still bothering you? I have something for the pain if you want.”

“N-no, I’m fine,” Sunggyu replied.

Woohyun nodded and turned back to his computer screen. “Then that’s all. See you tomorrow.”

“Right. See you tomorrow.” Sunggyu stepped out of the door frame and shut the door behind him.

So Woohyun wanted to pretend last night didn’t happen too. That was a good thing, wasn’t it? The two of them are just friends, after all.

Sunggyu fingered the bracelet on his wrist on the subway ride back home. It was better this way, he knew. Easier, too. They couldn’t be more than friends, because they didn’t work as more than friends. Sunggyu knew this.

These thoughts ran circles in his head as he laid on his bed, exhausted even though it was only dinnertime.

Last night had been a mistake, and if Woohyun was going to act like it didn’t happen, then Sunggyu would too. Woohyun the friend was nice. He was funny. Woohyun the boyfriend… was someone he simply couldn’t get along with, and if he just wanted sex, well, he already had someone else for that.

***

A few days later, Sunggyu met Junhyung outside his practice studio to apologize. He shivered into his jacket. As winter gave way to spring, the nights still brought a chilling wind that cut through him like a finely honed knife.

He pulled his scarf up higher on his face as he heard the door open. Junhyung leaned against the brick wall of the building and stared at him, arms crossed. “What are you doing here?”

“Me and my overblown pride are here to apologize,” Sunggyu muttered.

“I thought apologies started with ‘sorry?’” Junhyung gave him a wry grin, then reached out to ruffle his hair. “You’re cute when you apologize. Wanna come inside?”

Sunggyu shoved Junhyung’s hand away from his head and followed him inside the building. The interior was plain, and the only thing that hung on the wall was a sign pointing in the direction of numbered practice rooms. There were a few seats by the wall, turning the lobby into a kind of waiting area.

“So…” Junhyung said, taking a seat.

Sunggyu plopped down into the seat next to him. He closed his eyes to savor the warmth of the room. “So.”

Junhyung stared thoughtfully down at his shoe for a moment. “How are the kids you teach? Still terrible?”

“They’re not so bad,” Sunggyu shrugged, “The parents are usually worse.”

“Right, I’m sure they are,” Junhyung snorted.

Sunggyu frowned, but ignored the jab. “When do you leave for the tour?”

“A few months from now, in the summer,” Junhyung replied, “We’ll be going to Busan first, then to a couple cities down South. We’ll end the tour back here in Seoul.”

Sunggyu smiled softly. “You’re living the dream, huh?”

“It’s better than teaching or whatever the hell Yongguk’s doing now,” Junhyung replied. “What’s Bora? A barista?”

“Stop it,” Sunggyu muttered, sinking lower into his seat.

Junhyung sighed. “Remember when you were 20? All cute and fresh-faced, with your hair dyed that awful red color because it had been two years since you’d been able to do anything that wasn’t ‘military approved?’”

Sunggyu raised his brows at the sudden question. “Of course I do.”

“Remember the first night you ended up sleeping on my couch, and all you had with you was a duffle bag and your guitar?” Junhyung sighed and smiled to himself. “I thought you were kinda cool back then. You didn’t need anybody, just your guitar, and all you wanted to do was play music.”

Sunggyu hesitated before replying. “I wasn’t cool. I was broke and half starved because I couldn’t even afford to eat.”

“Nah, you knew how to live,” Junhyung continued, staring off wistfully into space. “All you cared about was music, sleep, and sex.”

Sunggyu barked out a laugh. “You were the same, stupid.”

“I know, that’s why we got along so well.” Junhyung grinned. “Now you’re all serious. You’re like a boring adult now. It’s like you don’t even care about the music anymore.”

Sunggyu frowned. “That’s not true.”

Junhyung turned to look at him, suddenly serious. “Then prove it. Come with me to this rave my friend is throwing tonight.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s  _ fun _ ,” Junhyung replied, breaking into a smile. “‘Fun?’ You remember what that is, right?”

Sunggyu sighed. “I thought you were too busy with practice to do anything.”

“I was finishing up for the day anyway,” Junhyung shrugged. “Just wait for me out here.”

“I don’t… even…” Sunggyu struggled to put into words exactly how absurd his suggestion was. After opening and closing his mouth like a fish a few times, Junhyung laughed.

“Just say yes! What’s the harm?”

“Fine!” Sunggyu growled. “I’ll go to the stupid party with you.”

Junhyung grinned. Sunggyu slouched down in his chair and prepared himself for the hour or more he would be spending there, pondering what the hell had caused him to say yes. He didn’t even enjoy raves.

Later that night, as he was sandwiched between two sweaty guys in the middle of a crushing crowd of partygoers, and again as Junhyung pressed him into his mattress, Sunggyu wondered why he was doing this.

This wasn’t fun. He wasn’t having fun.

Somewhere along the way, this had stopped being entertaining. This--the reckless partying, the meaningless sex--they had become the hobbies of some different person, some vision of Sunggyu from the past that no longer held any significance in his life.

He didn’t like that person, the man he only became around Junhyung, yet he clung to him like a child clings to a security blanket, because without that Sunggyu he wasn’t sure who or what he was.

It terrified him.

When they were finished, Junhyung kicked him out of his room and told him to take the couch. The subway had stopped running, and Sunggyu was too drunk and out of it to make it home safely himself.

As Sunggyu laid on the couch, he stared up at the dark ceiling. He lit a cigarette and sighed in relief when he felt the burning smoke enter his lungs. He was tired, so tired, but he couldn’t sleep. And a few hours later, when the first rays of dawn slipped through the blinds on the windows, Sunggyu left the apartment, and Junhyung, behind.

***

Sunggyu lazily drew circles on the table with his finger as he waited for his youngest student to arrive. Little Minseo was only seven, and she was taking piano lessons because her parents thought it would teach her discipline. Sunggyu tried to be strict with her, but he didn’t really have the heart to degrade a little kid.

The bell above the door rang, and Sunggyu jumped when he felt someone small wrap her arms around his torso. “Mr. Kim, I finally memorized the song you taught me!”

Her mother cleared her throat and whispered, “Manners, Minseo.”

“Oh, right.” She backed away and bowed deeply to Sunggyu. “I’m ready for my lesson Mr. Kim.”

Sunggyu smiled and patted her head. “You remembered all your books this time?”

“Yes,” she pouted, taking off her pink backpack to pull out the practice books and sheet music from within. “See? All here.”

“Alright, I guess we can start then,” Sunggyu groaned, pushing himself to stand. Minseo giggled and followed him to the back as her mother ordered a coffee to drink while she waited.

Sunggyu signaled for her to sit down at the piano. “Now, you really think you can play the song?”

“Yes, I practiced all night!” she replied, bouncing in her seat. Sunggyu smiled.

“Alright, show me what you got then.” He leaned against the wall as she opened her practice book to the right page. She took a calming breath and began to play.

She missed a few notes here and there, but quickly corrected herself and played to the end of the song. It wasn’t a hard one, just a beginner song, but it was the first piece that required two hands, which always took kids time to master. Sunggyu clapped when she finished. “Good job, Minseo. You did great.”

“But I messed up,” she sniffled, staring at the piano keys sadly.

“That’s okay,” Sunggyu replied. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and sat down on the piano bench next to her. “You don’t have to be perfect the first time. You can take as long as you need to learn how to play it.”

“I practiced though,” she whined, banging the keys in frustration.

Sunggyu sighed. “You’ll just have to practice some more then.”

She pouted for another moment before kicking her feet. “Can you show me how to play it again?”

“That’s what your mom is paying me for, kid.” Sunggyu smiled and positioned his hands on the keys.

They spent the rest of the lesson working on scales and practicing that song, and Minseo promised him she’d have it perfect for next time. Sunggyu smiled and nodded along patiently. When practice was over she hugged him tightly, then gathered her things and rushed out to see her mother.

“How was practice, sweetie?” she cooed, holding Minseo’s backpack open as she dumped her workbooks and papers inside.

“It was okay,” she replied, “Mr. Kim said I’m improving.”

Minseo’s mother smiled and thanked him, and Minseo gave him one last bow before skipping out of the café. Woohyun laughed from where he stood behind the counter. “I never would have pegged you for being good with kids.”

“I’m not,” Sunggyu replied as he collapsed back into his previous chair to wait for his next student. “She’s just a good student.”

“Yeah, sure you’re not,  _ Mr. Kim _ ,” Woohyun said, giving him a sly look and chuckling to himself.

Sunggyu pursed his lips, but didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes, leaned back in his chair, and began to hum a soft tune to himself. After a moment, Woohyun spoke again, “You seem like you’re in a good mood today.”

Sunggyu hummed in agreement as he stretched his arms above his head and yawned. Woohyun’s eyes flickered to the patch of skin revealed as his shirt lifted up, but quickly tore his gaze away. “I guess I am.”

“And why’s that?” Woohyun asked.

Sunggyu looked at him strangely. “Why do you want to know?”

Woohyun flushed and resumed his previous task of fiddling with the latte machine. “No reason,” he replied, not looking up, “I’m just happy you’re not scaring off my customers with your usual scary face.”

“My face isn’t scary.” Sunggyu frowned and touched his cheek. “It’s totally charming.”

Woohyun snorted in laughter, doubling over behind the counter. Customers began to give them strange looks. Sunggyu gave him a sharp glare as Woohyun attempted to control his giggles. Woohyun said, “Your face is about as charming as a sewer rat.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Sunggyu muttered. He leaned forward to rest his head in his arms which were folded on the tabletop.

“Aw, don’t pout,” Woohyun said. He grabbed a latte he’d been working on and sat down next to Sunggyu. Sunggyu looked up as he slid the mug across the table. “Your face is alright once you get used to it.”

“Shut up.” Despite the fact that he was still pouting, he accepted the cup and hesitantly took a sip. It was the perfect temperature, because of course it was.

“Don’t worry,” Woohyun sighed, leaning back in his chair, “I still think it’s cute.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes and glared at him. “I don’t care what you think.”

Woohyun didn’t reply. He simply grinned and stared at the front door with Sunggyu. After a moment, he asked, “So why  _ are _ you in a good mood today?”

“Not telling,” Sunggyu replied lazily. Woohyun pouted and whined for him to tell him, but the truth was Sunggyu couldn’t really say why he was in a good mood that day. He just was.

It was warm out, the lessons had all gone well, and his favorite student was making good progress. Maybe that was reason enough to be happy.

***

The next week, Sunggyu found himself leaning against the wall of the café next to Woohyun, casually taking in the performer on stage. Woohyun had switched up the set list, added some new acts and benched a few of the more  _ interesting  _ performers (“As groundbreaking as it may be, nobody wants to listen to a twenty minute one-man kazoo concerto,” he’d said).

This was why Sunggyu only half-noticed when Woohyun was pulled away suddenly. He only glanced back when he heard voices rising. One of the younger employees, a short girl with her chin-length hair tucked neatly behind her ear, was holding on to Woohyun’s hand and frantically pleading with him.

“Please, Mr. Nam! I have to go!” She made sure to tear up for effect, jutting her lower lip into a pout. Sunggyu felt a twinge of annoyance--not because she was hanging off of Woohyun, of course not--but because there was no possible way Woohyun would fall for such an obvious act.

Woohyun used his free hand to scratch at his neck. “I don’t know… I can’t call anyone else this late.”

“Just call Bora! I know she’s not doing anything tonight!” she begged. Woohyun bit his lip uncertainly. Sunggyu’s jaw dropped; he was actually falling for it.

“That’s true,” Woohyun sighed. He gave her one last searching look into her big, watery eyes. “Fine! You can go early!”

She squealed in joy and pulled Woohyun into a crushing hug. She raced back over to where she had previously been stationed with a huge grin on her face. Sunggyu chuckled. “I wish I had known it was that easy to get you to do what I want.”

“Yeah, well,” Woohyun huffed, “you would’ve died before acting all cutesy.”

Sunggyu snorted. “That’s true. What exactly did you mean by ‘you can go early’?”

“She was supposed to stay after to close, but now she can’t because of some ‘family emergency.’” Woohyun crossed his arms and stared at where she was chatting happily with a customer.

“Family emergency, huh?”

Woohyun’s lips broke into a lopsided grin. “I got totally duped, didn’t I?”

“It’s kinda sad,” Sunggyu laughed, “Especially since Bora can’t come in tonight.”

Woohyun paled. “What do you mean she can’t come in?”

“She’s on a date,” he replied, raising his voice to be heard over the applause of the crowd. “Who knows though, maybe her date went terrible and she’d like to take out her frustrations on the floor with a mop.”

Sunggyu grinned as he watched the next performer take the stage. Woohyun tugged at his hair and began muttering, “No, no, please God no.”

He rushed to the office to call Bora. Sunggyu gave one last look at the stage before following reluctantly behind him. The door to the office was shut, and his attempt to knock was interrupted by Woohyun swearing loud enough to be heard on the other side.

Sunggyu hesitantly pulled the door open. “Woohyun? You alright?”

“This is all your fault,” Woohyun whined, holding his head in his hands, “Why didn’t you tell me she was busy  _ before _ I let my only other closer go home early?”

“Hey, you’re the one who fell for the sad eyes.” Sunggyu scuffed the floor with his shoe and sighed. He stared at Woohyun’s pathetic form for another moment before he groaned. “Fine!  _ I’ll _ help you close tonight instead!”

“You don’t have to do that.”

Sunggyu gave a wry smile. “I know I don’t, but if I don’t help you, you’ll be here all night.”

Woohyun chewed on his lip before nodding carefully. “Okay. Thanks, Gyu, I owe you one.”

Sunggyu shrugged and slipped back into the crowd to watch the rest of the set. He caught sight of Woohyun out of the corner of his eye several more times that night. He didn’t know why he volunteered his services, really, except that Woohyun had seemed stressed out about more than just having to close by himself.

Of course, that was none of Sunggyu’s business, since they were just friends, so he did what a friend  _ could _ do--he offered to help him out when his workers bailed on him.

After the last customer had left and the door had been locked, Woohyun crossed his arms and looked at Sunggyu helplessly. “So I guess you can start sweeping?”

“Sure thing, boss,” Sunggyu joked. He retrieved a wet rag and broom from the back and started working on the tables in the front. Woohyun worked behind the counter, taking dishes back and making sure everything was stocked and ready for the next day.

Sunggyu was humming to himself, just some song he’d been working on, when Woohyun suddenly asked, “Should I play some music?”

Sunggyu looked around slowly and shrugged. “If you want to.”

Woohyun went to his office to plug his phone into the speaker system. After a moment, soft music began to drift out of the speakers, and Sunggyu resumed his sweeping.

He was nearly finished when he heard a quiet noise coming from the bar. It was Woohyun, singing along to the music as he wiped down the counter. Sunggyu leaned against his broom and grinned. “It’s been a while since I heard you sing.”

Woohyun flushed and smiled shyly. “I’ve gotten pretty rusty, haven’t I?”

“No, it was nice,” Sunggyu replied as he resumed sweeping.

Sunggyu continued humming the song as he finished his task. Woohyun hesitantly sung along, and by the time Sunggyu was wheeling the mop bucket out, they were singing a duet. Sunggyu’s chest felt warm with a feeling that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

They sang along to the next song, and the next, until the floor had been mopped and all the machines had been cleaned. Sunggyu thought that was the end of it until Woohyun led him into a small kitchen area.

The café didn’t make much food, mostly sandwiches and fries to go with the beer they served at night, but against the wall there sat a huge sink surrounded by what looked to Sunggyu like hundreds of dirty coffee cups and dishes.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Sunggyu said, gaping at the mess that still lay before them.

Woohyun bit his lip nervously. “Seriously, you don’t have to do this. You can go home now.”

Sunggyu jabbed him with his elbow. “I can’t because the subway stopped running like an hour ago. I’d have to wait for a cab anyway.”

“Oh. Right.” Woohyun stared helplessly at the sink. “Let’s get started then.”

Woohyun scrubbed the dishes with a tattered, pathetic sponge, while Sunggyu rinsed and sanitized them before stacking them to dry. They were moving efficiently, and it seemed like they were going to finish much earlier than they had thought. 

“Yah, slow down a bit,” Sunggyu said, nudging Woohyun with his shoulder, “I can’t keep up with you and you’re missing spots.”

Sunggyu held a coffee cup up to his face to show him the evidence. A small ring of dark brown remained at the bottom of mug. “Sorry,” Woohyun muttered, “I’m just exhausted.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll be more exhausted when you’re suffering from mountains of debt because a customer sued you for giving them some weird disease, like--”

Woohyun had turned on the overhead nozzle to spray the inside of the cup, to try and loosen some of the remaining debris, but had forgotten, in his sleepiness, that the water would reflect wildly off the interior of the mug and soak whatever poor soul happened to be standing next to him.

“Oh, God, Sunggyu, I’m so sorry are you--” He quieted when Sunggyu carefully used his hands to wipe the water from his face. He gulped at the sharp glare leveled his way when Sunggyu was able to open his eyes again. “Um, do you need a towel, or--”

Sunggyu cut him off by swiftly grabbing the nozzle and aiming it at him. Woohyun put two trembling hands in the air. When he realized Sunggyu wasn’t joking, or about to back down anytime soon, Woohyun took two steps backwards, but it was too late.

Sunggyu pressed the handle and soaked Woohyun’s head and torso in warm water. He burst into laughter at his shocked expression. “Now we’re even!”

Woohyun swung his arms to get rid of the excess water. “Oh, you definitely shouldn’t have done that.”

He lunged for the nozzle as Sunggyu pressed on the handle. In their struggle to gain control of it, the water sprayed nearly every inch of the previously dry kitchen. Sunggyu took a step back, but slipped in a puddle, and they both fell to the ground.

“God, Gyu, are you hurt?” Sunggyu had broken Woohyun’s fall, so Woohyun was frantically checking Sunggyu’s head for any sign of injury from where he sat straddled on his lap.

Sunggyu shook his head. “I’m fine, my ass just hurts and you’re heavy as fuck.”

“Good,” Woohyun grinned devilishly, pointing the water nozzle at him. “That means I win.”

Sunggyu laughed, hard, from where he lay underneath him. When his laughter subsided, he smiled at him warmly. “Yeah, you win.”

Woohyun swallowed dryly as he took in Sunggyu beneath him, warm and soaking wet. He quickly pushed himself up and offered his hand. “We need to finish this.”

Sunggyu grimaced and stood up, and they both quietly went back to washing dishes. Half an hour later, when they were nearly done, Woohyun felt Sunggyu lean heavily against his shoulder.

His eyes were closed, and he was nodding off as he waited for Woohyun to hand him the last dish. Woohyun smiled softly. “Last one, Gyu.”

“Good,” Sunggyu yawned, “I’m going to go crazy if I ever have to wash another one of your dishes again.”

They rinsed and dried the last dish, then made sure the kitchen was tidy before turning off the last of the lights. Woohyun walked Sunggyu out and re-locked the door behind them. They shivered in the night air. Their clothes and hair were still wet and it was windy out.

Sunggyu yawned again. “I guess I’ll call a cab. You’re paying for it though.”

Woohyun frowned as he shivered once again in the night air. “No cabbie is going to let you into their car soaking wet,” he said, gently grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the door that led to his second-floor apartment, “Besides, it’s cold out and you’ll get sick.”

“Ah, please, if anyone will get sick it’ll be you,” Sunggyu replied, allowing himself to be led back inside the building.

Woohyun looked at him nervously. “Just stay the night.”

“Woohyun,” Sunggyu warned quietly. Woohyun held up his hands in surrender.

“Totally innocent,” Woohyun said, “I’ll give you a change of clothes and you can  _ actually  _ sleep on the couch this time.”

Sunggyu flushed at the mention of that night. They hadn’t talked about it since Sunggyu had fled his apartment the morning after. He looked down and shrugged. “I guess it’d be okay.”

Woohyun smiled and led him up the stairs to his apartment. Sunggyu followed him to his bedroom, but stopped at the threshold, his arms crossed. He watched Woohyun dig around in his dresser for something he could borrow.

“Ah, perfect,” Woohyun said, piling the clothing into his arms. He handed them to Sunggyu, then guided him by the arm to his bathroom. “You take a shower first while I get the couch ready, okay?”

Sunggyu nodded and slipped into the bathroom. After stripping out of his uncomfortable, wet clothing, he stepped into the warm hiss of the shower.

As the scalding hot water slid down his skin, Sunggyu smiled to himself. Woohyun seemed happy, he thought. That was a good thing. He was happy to be friends, and if Woohyun was happy, Sunggyu was happy.

He had no right to ask for anything more than that.

As Sunggyu re-entered the living room, his wet clothing in hand, he caught sight of Woohyun adjusting a pillow and blanket on a plush couch that looked completely unused. Woohyun jumped when he cleared his throat. “I’m done. What should I do with these?”

“Oh, we should hang them out to dry,” Woohyun said, hurrying towards a closet to take out a drying rack.

Sunggyu laid his clothes out neatly on top of it as Woohyun excused himself to the bathroom. While Sunggyu waited for him to finish showering, he sat tensely on the edge of the couch, hands balled into fists where they rested on his knees.

He turned his head sharply when the the door opened and Woohyun stepped out. He stood up quickly and turned towards him, bowing awkwardly as Woohyun stared at him in confusion. “Thanks for letting me spend the night, and for the change of clothes.”

“Don’t worry about it, Gyu,” Woohyun said softly. “I’m the one who made you stay after and got you wet after all. I owe you.”

Sunggyu stepped closer to him and said, “Yeah, you owe me.”

“So just tell me what you want and I’ll repay you.”

Sunggyu swallowed dryly. He smiled sadly and said, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”

Woohyun gave a breathy laugh and abruptly pulled him into a hug. Sunggyu tensed at the sudden movement, then sighed and relaxed into his hold. “Goodnight, Gyu. Stick around in the morning, okay? I’ll make breakfast.”

“Okay,” Sunggyu replied quietly. He watched as Woohyun withdrew and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Sunggyu let out a deep breath, then made his way to the couch. He curled up under the blanket Woohyun had laid out for him and closed his eyes.

Sleep would not come.

What he really wanted was a cigarette, but since he wasn’t sure if Woohyun would mind, he instead let his mind wander to the to the events of earlier that day, the events of many days before that, and to Woohyun--everything came back to Woohyun.

At first, Sunggyu wondered why it hurt when Woohyun was so achingly nice to him, so much nicer than he deserved. It was an annoying feeling, one that he kept hoping would go away, but only grew stronger.

It was disappointment.

Sunggyu’s throat grew tight with the sudden awareness that he didn’t want to just be Woohyun’s friend--maybe he never did. But Woohyun wanted that, and Sunggyu had no one but himself to blame. Woohyun was nice to everyone; he treated everyone this way, but Sunggyu had never learned to see his affections as platonic, and now he realized he never would.

He pushed himself off the couch and carefully folded the blanket, placing it gently on top of the pillow. He grabbed his still damp clothes from the drying rack and set them on the kitchen counter as he searched in a drawer for a pen and paper. He felt like such a coward. Woohyun at least deserved some kind of excuse for him running away again.

He froze when he heard a floorboard creak behind him.

“Sunggyu?” Woohyun asked tiredly, “I thought I heard you still up. What are you doing?”

Sunggyu swallowed dryly. “I--”

“Why are your clothes on the counter?” Woohyun fingered the shirt, frowning when he felt that it was still wet. “Are you leaving?”

Sunggyu looked guiltily down at his feet and didn’t respond. Woohyun sighed. “I told you that you could stay here until they dry.”

“I don’t think that I should,” Sunggyu whispered. Woohyun came up behind him and pushed the drawer shut.

“What are you talking about?” Woohyun gently turned him around to face him, but Sunggyu still wouldn’t lift his eyes. “It’s the least I can do for your help tonight.”

“It’s what a friend would do,” Sunggyu mumbled.

Woohyun knitted his brows together in confusion and frowned. He grabbed Sunggyu by the shoulders to get a better look at him. “Are you okay? You’re acting kind of weird.”

“You owe me.” Sunggyu looked up at him suddenly. Woohyun tilted his head in confusion. Sunggyu repeated, “You owe me, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so, but I don’t see what that has to do with--”

Woohyun shut up when Sunggyu took a step closer. His breathing became shallow and his arms dropped from Sunggyu’s shoulders to hang limply at his sides. He didn’t move closer, but he also didn’t back away when Sunggyu gave him a long, searching look.

He tensed when Sunggyu brought his hands up to gently cup his face, and he stopped breathing when Sunggyu leaned in to give him a soft, slow kiss.

Sunggyu pulled away and smiled sadly, looking down at his feet. “Like I said, I think I should go.”

“Sunggyu…” Woohyun grabbed his wrist before he could walk away. “Look at me.”

Sunggyu clenched his jaw and slowly met his gaze. Woohyun tightened his grip around his wrist as they stared each other down. He hardened his face, as if he had decided something, and moved his other hand to the back of Sunggyu’s head, pulling him in to kiss again.

It was a harder kiss this time, all teeth and hunger. At some point, Woohyun let go of Sunggyu’s wrist and placed his hand on his waist, drawing him closer. Sunggyu broke the kiss and grabbed the front of Woohyun’s shirt.

“I don’t want to be just friends,” he whimpered. Woohyun kissed him again, forcing him backwards until he hit the kitchen counter. He kissed him hungrily, drinking him in like a man dying of thirst drinks water, as deeply as he could regardless of whether or not it was good for his well-being.

Woohyun broke the kiss and panted, “I don’t want to either.”

In that instant, all that mattered was that Sunggyu was there and he wanted Woohyun as much as Woohyun wanted him.

Sunggyu wrapped his arms around Woohyun’s neck and pulled him in, savoring the feel of Woohyun’s hard body against his.

Later, as Woohyun hovered over him, appraising his naked body, Sunggyu felt his heart clench. He swallowed nervously and said, “You don’t have to do this.”

Woohyun smiled warmly down at him. “I want to.”

His smile faded and his face became serious as he trailed his fingertips up Sunggyu’s torso until they came to a fading mark on his collarbone. It had been over half a week since he’d been with Junhyung, and it had faded to an ugly yellow color. It was a miracle Woohyun could find it in the gloom of the bedroom.

Sunggyu inhaled sharply at the dull ache as he pressed his thumb into it. Woohyun bent down to press a gentle kiss to the area. Sunggyu felt his lips move against his skin as he whispered, “Mine.”

Sunggyu felt his throat grow tight. As Woohyun moved against him, he choked out, “Yours.”

Afterwards, when everything was quiet and still, they held each other closely. Woohyun could sense something was wrong, so he asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu whispered, curling up tighter against his side. “I’m really, really sorry.”

Woohyun frowned. “What are you sorry for?”

Sunggyu wasn’t sure. He just felt sorry--sorry for dragging Woohyun back into a relationship, sorry for breaking his heart in the first place. He didn’t know how to start to make up for it, so he replied, “Everything.”

Woohyun hummed and pulled him closer. “I missed you.”

Sunggyu traced circles on his chest with his finger. “I was over you, you know?” He curled the hand on Woohyun’s chest into a fist. “I thought I’d moved on, but… I don’t know.”

“It’s not your fault you can’t resist me,” Woohyun teased. They laughed quietly, then Woohyun covered Sunggyu’s hand with his own. “It’s fine. You’re...  _ We’re _ different people now.”

Sunggyu thought about himself at eighteen, and wondered if it was true. His voice was so quiet Woohyun nearly missed it when he said, “I just don’t know if I deserve--”

“Deserve what?” Woohyun shifted so that he could look at Sunggyu. “We both messed up. This isn’t about what we deserve.” He pressed a soft kiss to Sunggyu’s lips. “And if you’re worried about how we broke up, don’t be. I know I can be a bit… much. Everyone I dated in college told me so.”

Sunggyu smiled at that, and he wondered to himself if it was okay to feel happy like this, because right then he wanted nothing else than for his life to freeze in that moment. He knew that could never happen, so he closed his eyes and tried to memorize the feeling of Woohyun’s arms, his body, his bed, so that he could feel their warmth long after he’d grown cold.

Eventually he turned over and Woohyun curled up against his back. He pressed a kiss against the nape of Sunggyu’s neck before they both drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is all fluff, but don't worry it's back to your regularly scheduled angst next chapter. also by then i should know if this is gonna be six or seven chapters :P

Sunggyu awoke with a start. The first thing he felt was that the bed was cold. He was still in Woohyun’s apartment, but Woohyun was nowhere to be found. He glanced around the bedroom nervously.

He took a deep breath to calm himself as the events of last night came back to him. He heard the faint sound of someone singing over the hiss of a frying pan. Sunggyu got out of the bed with shaky legs and threw on some clothes before taking hesitant steps towards the kitchen.

Woohyun had his back turned to him, swaying slightly as he sang along to some pop song that had been on the radio too often lately. He was already fully dressed, with a blue apron tied around his waist.

“Isn’t this the part where you hug me from behind and tell me ‘good morning?’” Sunggyu jumped at the sudden question. Woohyun lifted the frying pan off the heat and turned around. He smiled and said, “Good morning, Sunggyu.”

“G’morning,” Sunggyu mumbled. Woohyun poured the contents of the frying pan onto an upside down frisbee. Sunggyu wrinkled his nose. “What the hell is that?”

“Don’t worry, it’s been through the wash,” Woohyun replied, dumping the empty frying pan into the sink. “My plates and silverware haven’t come in yet. And, yes, I can see you doing the math in your head as to how long I’ve lived here, but in my defense it’s not like I have people over that often.”

Sunggyu smiled, and walked over to where he stood. A perfectly normal-looking omelette rested inside the frisbee, but Sunggyu still eyed it with suspicion. “You’re sure it won’t kill me?”

“I’m sure it won’t, and just to prove it to you--” Woohyun grabbed a plastic fork from one of the drawers and took a large bite. “See? Perfectly edible?”

“You just wanted more to yourself,” Sunggyu scoffed. Woohyun smiled innocently and shrugged, his mouth still full of omelette. “Give me a fork and let me try it.” Woohyun handed him the same plastic fork he had used. “I mean give me a  _ different _ fork.”

Woohyun swallowed and said, “That is  _ the _ fork.”

“It’s plastic!” Sunggyu said incredulously. He looked at it in disgust. “You run a restaurant for God’s sake!”

“It’s a café, actually.”

Sunggyu gave an exasperated sigh.“You literally live above a café with more plates and utensils than you know what to do with.”

“What you’re implying would be stealing, and I’m not a thief.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes and snatched the plastic fork from Woohyun’s hand. He took a small, hesitant bite of the omelette. Still chewing, he reluctantly said, “Good job.”

Woohyun beamed and carried the frisbee-plate into the living room. Sunggyu followed closely behind him until Woohyun dropped his body onto the couch. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, before Woohyun beckoned him closer, patting the cushion next to him.

Sunggyu sat down on the couch and relaxed into Woohyun’s side, letting Woohyun slip an arm around his shoulders. He opened his mouth obediently when Woohyun held a bite of omelette up to his face.

As Sunggyu chewed and swallowed, Woohyun took a bite for himself. Sunggyu furrowed his brows and asked, “Don’t you have to open the café?”

“Already went down to make sure everything went smoothly,” he replied, holding up another bite for Sunggyu to eat.

For the rest of that quiet morning, they ate and they talked about nothing in particular--stupid things, silly things that didn’t matter, except they did, when they were the ones who told them to each other.

When Woohyun couldn’t put off checking on the café any longer, he groaned and pushed himself off the couch. “I need to go.”

“It’s okay, I need to go back to my place to change anyway,” Sunggyu said, standing up.

Woohyun reached out to grab Sunggyu’s arm before he could walk away. “Sunggyu, I--” His expression softened. “If you have time tonight, drop by around close.”

Sunggyu nodded, and Woohyun pulled him in for a gentle kiss. Sunggyu watched as he grabbed his things and left for the café. When the door clicked shut behind him, Sunggyu realized this was his first time being alone in Woohyun’s apartment.

He looked around, a little lost, before deciding to get ready to go.

As he arrived back at the apartment, he thanked whatever stars had aligned to take Sungjong out of the apartment that day. He collapsed onto his mattress and grinned.

He and Woohyun… were dating again.

He was still smiling to himself as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Junhyung’s number.

“Hello?”

Sunggyu’s hand tightened around the phone. “Junhyung? We need to talk.”

He met Junhyung at a coffee shop down the street. He was absentmindedly stirring cream and sugar into his cup when the bell above the door rang. He only looked up as Junhyung took the seat across from him.

“You call; I come,” Junhyung said, leaning back in his chair. “What did you need to talk about?”

Sunggyu set the coffee stirrer aside and took a deep breath. He was sure to look Junhyung in the eyes as he said, “I’m seeing someone.”

Junhyung’s brows shot up and he leaned forward. “I didn’t even know you were interested in anyone.”

“It was kind of sudden.” Sunggyu looked down and smiled. “Or maybe not. We got together last night, so…”

“So you and I are back to being just friends?” Junhyung smiled wryly. “I’m gonna miss those benefits.”

Sunggyu laughed quietly. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Of course, Gyu. That was our agreement after all, but do remember to call me if it doesn’t work out.” Junhyung brushed his hair out of his face and peered at him curiously. “So who’s the lucky lady?”

“Guy, actually.” Sunggyu’s cheeks flushed, and Junhyung leaned even closer in interest. “You know that ex-boyfriend I told you about?”

Junhyung gave an exaggerated gasp. “You didn’t!” He groaned and tugged at his hair. “Now I’m jealous.”

Sunggyu laughed. “So you’re only jealous because it’s a guy?”

“Yes,” he replied seriously, “But don’t ask me to explain why.”

“Then I won’t.” Sunggyu’s eyes twinkled as they stared back at Junhyung over the rim of the coffee cup.

“I’m glad though. You seem happy.” The look Junhyung gave him made Sunggyu’s chest feel warm. Sometimes he forgot about this side of Junhyung, how nice he could be. They were friends before anything else.

Junhyung sighed and shook his head.

“So tell me about him.”

***

Woohyun took a calming breath as he lined up the shot. He kicked, and he scored, causing the other men on his team to go wild. The game was over. He panted as he made his way back to the bleachers to rest.

He leaned his head back to guzzle some water when he was interrupted by a hard slap to his back in congratulations. He sputtered, barely managing to swallow, then turned to glare at his brother.

Woohyun didn’t see Boohyun often anymore, just at these games organized by local teams. Boohyun had a life and a family, so the occasional soccer match was both his stress reliever and his chance to catch up with his baby brother.

“That was an amazing goal,” Boohyun said, grinning as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Looks like you’ve still got it.”

Woohyun snorted. “ _ You’re _ calling  _ me _ old?”

Boohyun threw back his head and laughed. “True enough. How are things?”

“They’re good.” Woohyun thought of Sunggyu and smiled. “Really good.”

Boohyun jabbed an elbow into Woohyun’s side. “Anything in particular you want to talk about?”

Woohyun flushed and took another sip of water. “No way.”

“Alright, I’ll leave it alone.” Boohyun leaned back and sighed. “How’s the café doing?”

“It’s doing alright. Turning a profit, at least,” Woohyun replied. He leaned back and rested his head on the bleacher seat behind him, closing his eyes so he could focus on the feel of the sun.

Boohyun was quiet for a moment. “How are things between you and Mom?”

“Don’t you already know?” Woohyun asked through gritted teeth. “She sent you to talk to me, didn’t she?”

“I would have brought it up even if she didn’t ask,” Boohyun said quietly.

Woohyun rolled his eyes. “Well, things are just fine. I already told her I’d go to the stupid wedding.”

“Woohyun,” he said, “you need to be there for her. She really wants you to be a part of this, you know?”

“I’m not going to be the best man. She’s got you for that.”

Boohyun frowned. “She’s your mother, Woohyun.”

“Yeah, what a mother,” Woohyun spat. “Cheating on Dad, then running halfway across the country to be with her new boyfriend.”

“You know that’s not the whole story,” Boohyun replied softly.

Woohyun squeezed his eyes shut. “There’s no excuse.”

“No,” he admitted. “There’s not. But she’s still your mom.”

Woohyun pushed himself up angrily. “Oh, what would you know? She didn’t run out on  _ you _ .”

“I know,” Boohyun pleaded. “I know. I can never imagine how you feel, but, please, she’s trying, just… give her another chance.”

“I’m done giving her second chances,” Woohyun muttered, and before his brother could protest, he was walking away.

Woohyun slammed the door behind himself as he entered his apartment, but froze when he heard a quiet yelp.

Sunggyu popped his head out of the kitchen. “Don’t slam doors! You scared me.”

Woohyun slowly shrugged off his jacket and knit his brows in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

Woohyun walked into the kitchen to find stacks of cooking utensils everywhere. Sunggyu shrugged helplessly. “My last student for the day cancelled, so I thought I’d come over and unpack some of these boxes you have lying around.” He gestured to the mess on the counter. “I mean I was already at the café, so--”

Woohyun cut him off by pulling him into a tight embrace. He buried his face in Sunggyu’s neck and just… breathed. Sunggyu began to protest, but quickly realized that Woohyun needed this, for whatever reason. His expression softened. “What happened?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Woohyun muttered. He instead let go of Sunggyu and turned towards the mess on his countertop. “Do you even know what half this stuff is?”

“No idea!” Sunggyu admitted, smiling sheepishly. “That’s why you’re here.”

Woohyun sighed and shook his head. “Of course you left all the hard work for me.” He gave Sunggyu a short kiss and said, “Let me handle these, and you can go unpack the box of books in the living room.”

They set to work unpacking all the boxes that had sat there as a reminder that this apartment wasn’t home. It was a funny thing, watching it transform, and Woohyun thought that he might not mind calling the place home as long as Sunggyu was there with him.

Woohyun was putting away the last of the pots when he heard Sunggyu call out from the other room. “Yah! Come and see this!”

Woohyun walked into the living room and over to where Sunggyu sat cross-legged on the cold floor, an opened cardboard box sitting on his lap. He sat down behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “What is it?”

“Look.” Woohyun peered over Sunggyu’s shoulder to the photograph he held in his hands. “It’s us and the band after we won second place at that competition.”

Woohyun smiled and reached around Sunggyu to take the picture into his hand. He held it up closer to see him, Sunggyu, Myungsoo, and Sungyeol posing with a silver trophy in triumph. Their arms were slung tightly around each other, and each wore wide smiles and teary eyes. “We look about two seconds away from crying.”

“We  _ were _ two seconds away from crying,” Sunggyu replied, smiling at the memory. “Don’t you remember going back to my sister’s place and sobbing our hearts out?”

“Of course.” Woohyun pressed a kiss to Sunggyu’s neck. “I remember everything about that day.”

Sunggyu hummed and tilted his head to give Woohyun better access. “I can’t say I want to go back, but things were a lot simpler back then.”

Woohyun grunted in agreement. Sunggyu went quiet as he pressed more kisses into his neck, working his way upwards until he reached a patch of sensitive skin behind the ear. Sunggyu shivered, then asked, “Are you going to tell me what upset you today?”

Woohyun sighed, pulling away. He rested his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder and pouted. “Do I have to?”

“No,” Sunggyu replied, “but I thought we could try this thing called ‘communication,’ maybe you’ve heard of it?”

Sunggyu yelped as Woohyun pinched his side. “You’re such a nag. Fine, I’ll tell you.” Woohyun took Sunggyu’s hand which was rubbing the sore spot on his torso and interlaced their fingers. “I talked to my brother today.”

“Oh.” Sunggyu paused. “And that’s not a good thing?”

“Not when it’s about my mother,” Woohyun sighed. Sunggyu hummed sympathetically. “Or, rather, she sent him to talk to me on her behalf.”

Sunggyu hesitated before asking, “About what?”

Woohyun was quiet for a moment. “She’s getting remarried.” Sunggyu took a sharp inhale and tightened his grip on Woohyun’s hand in reassurance. “And she wants me and my brother to be the best men.”

“Oh,” Sunggyu said quietly. “And you refused?”

“Of course I did,” Woohyun growled. “I can’t--I can’t stand there and pretend to be happy for them. I’ll attend the ceremony for my brother’s sake, but that’s all.”

Sunggyu leaned back against him and stared pensively into space. After a moment, he spoke. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should go.”

“Sunggyu, I--”

“Just listen,” Sunggyu interjected. He took a breath before saying, “I haven’t seen my mom in eight years.”

Woohyun’s expression softened as he tightened his arms around Sunggyu’s waist. “I didn’t know that.”

“She told me not to come back until I got a degree in something,” Sunggyu continued. “We talk on the phone on holidays, but…” He trailed off, and Woohyun pressed a comforting kiss against the nape of his neck. “I think she regrets it, but she’s too ashamed to admit it, and I can’t go back if I think she doesn’t want me there. I couldn’t handle it.”

Woohyun buried his head in the crook of Sunggyu’s neck as his voice grew tight. He felt like if he held Sunggyu tightly enough, he might be able to hold the pieces of him together. His lips brushed against Sunggyu’s neck as he murmured, “Your mom loves you, Gyu.”

“I know she does,” Sunggyu replied, clearing his voice of any lingering sadness. “Just like  _ your _ mom loves you.” Woohyun sighed, but Sunggyu held tight to his hand so that he couldn’t pull away. “She’s trying, Woohyun. That’s… something.”

Woohyun nodded, but didn’t respond. He pressed another kiss to Sunggyu’s neck, nipping at the skin to leave a mark, before pushing himself to stand.

“Yah, where are you going?” Sunggyu whined, “You can’t just get me worked up and walk away.”

“Whose idea was it to unpack everything tonight?” Woohyun asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

Sunggyu groaned. “Yeah, but I’m tired now. Let’s just crawl into bed and order takeout.”

“Takeout again?” Woohyun laughed, offering his hand to Sunggyu. “What happened to letting me cook you balanced meals?”

“Ruined when I found out you  _ still _ don’t have any plates,” Sunggyu replied. He let Woohyun pull him to his feet. “We’re going out tomorrow and buying some, by the way.”

“Alright.” Woohyun smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “So, Chinese or Thai?”

***

“Can’t we just go back to your place?” Sunggyu whined as he unlocked the front door to his apartment.

“You promised to show me where you live,” Woohyun said, snaking an arm around Sunggyu’s waist.

Sunggyu swatted his arm away and growled, “I said not until we get inside.”

It was late, and Woohyun had taken the night off, trusting his staff to take care of everything. He’d been pestering Sunggyu for weeks to take him to his apartment, but Sunggyu always had an excuse like “It’s messy” or “Sungjong will be there.” It was making him somewhat anxious, so Sunggyu finally relented and brought Woohyun along.

Sunggyu yelped as Woohyun pushed him inside as soon as the door was open. He slammed the door behind him, then turned Sunggyu around so that his back was pressed against the door. “Now we’re inside.”

Sunggyu groaned as Woohyun pulled his jacket off while sucking bruising kisses against his neck. “You’re so impatient!”

“I am,” Woohyun mumbled against his skin between kisses, “but whose fault--” Another kiss. “--do you think that is?”

“Yah, just back off! You’re acting like some horny high schooler,” Sunggyu replied, pushing him back by the shoulders.

Woohyun grinned cheekily and said, “You make me feel like a horny high schooler.”

Sunggyu looked at him softly for a moment before leaning in to kiss him. The kiss was achingly tender, and when Sunggyu pulled back, he said, “Let’s just take things slowly, okay?”

Woohyun responded by slipping an arm around Sunggyu’s waist and pulling him in closely. They kissed again, more heated this time, until Woohyun felt Sunggyu tense as the light flickered on.

Sunggyu was frozen for a moment, then slowly extricated himself from Woohyun’s grasp. He laughed nervously, “Hey, Jjongie. I thought you were going out with your friends tonight?”

Woohyun swallowed dryly and turned around, to see Sungjong standing in the door frame between his bedroom and the living room in a pink robe and slippers. Sungjong wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Yeah, they cancelled.”

“Oh,” Sunggyu said. He glanced around the room nervously. “Um…”

Woohyun cleared his throat. “I should go,” Woohyun said quietly, noting the tense atmosphere. He pecked Sunggyu on the lips before opening the door. “I’ll call you.”

Sunggyu nodded and waved him off. When they were alone, Sungjong raised his brows and said, “So you and Woohyun are…”

“Yeah,” Sunggyu mumbled. He scuffed the floor with the toe of his shoe.

Sungjong hesitated, “Well, that’s… good.”

“You think we’re making a mistake?” Sunggyu said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. “You think we’re just rushing into this, and confusing feelings that--”

“I didn’t say that.” Sungjong frowned. “Hyung, you’re almost 27. I think you can be trusted to make grown up decisions.” Sunggyu looked down guiltily. “It sounds like you wanted me to say you were, though. Do  _ you _ think you’re making a mistake?”

“I--No! Of course not,” Sunggyu replied. He rubbed the back of his neck and slowly looked up. “It’s just that none of this feels real.”

“Real as in you don’t love each other?”

“I love him. I do,” Sunggyu said, “And I think I’m falling  _ in love _ with him again.” He began to pace around the room as the gears in his mind turned. “It’s just... weird. It’s weird being together with him again because all I can think of is…  _ that _ night. When we broke up.”

Sungjong frowned. “Does he keep bringing it up or something?”

“No, we haven’t talked about it at all,” Sunggyu said. “It’s like it never happened.”

“Well then, maybe he’s gotten over it? If he doesn’t think about it, neither should you.”

Sunggyu bit his lip and thought about the other night, about Woohyun’s refusal to give his mother a second chance. “I’m not sure that he has.”

Sungjong stared at him pacing for another moment then sighed in defeat. “Well, you already broke up. The worst has already happened, so you might as well go with it for now.”

Sunggyu stopped pacing and paused. He turned to Sungjong and smiled. “You’re right. I should stop worrying.”

“Of course I’m right,” Sungjong replied, moving to sit on the couch. “Just give me a little warning next time he comes over and I’ll make myself scarce.”

Sunggyu sat down next to him and leaned against his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that.”

“No, I’m serious. If I walk in on you two again I’m literally going to kill myself.”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and grabbed the remote. “So dramatic.”

Sungjong gave an exaggerated sigh. “I am as dramatic as the situation calls for,” he said, “My sweet, naïve hyung is back together with his high school sweetheart.”

“Why does everyone keep calling him that?” Sunggyu frowned. “And I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call me sweet  _ or _ naïve.”

“Yeah, that just sounded totally wrong on my tongue. Kinda gave me chills.”

Sunggyu punched his shoulder. “You ass.”

“Just shut up and help me pick out a movie,” Sungjong replied, picking up the remote.

Sunggyu gaped at him. “I can’t believe you told me to shut up.”

“I can’t believe you still haven’t shut up.” 

They stared at each other in silent struggle for a moment before Sunggyu sighed. “Fine! Hand me the remote!”

Sungjong smiled and settled into his spot on the couch. “You’re sure it’s okay for Woohyun to go home by himself?”

“He’s a big boy,” Sunggyu said, scanning the pay-per-view selection, “He can take care of himself.”

“Wah, I feel bad for him!” Sungjong laughed. “He has such an inconsiderate boyfriend.”

Sunggyu frowned. “I am very considerate.”

“Hyung, you,” Sungjong said, grabbing the remote back from him, “are about as sensitive as a bag of rocks. Truly I don’t know what he sees in you.”

Sunggyu scoffed and scooted away from him. He leaned against the arm of the couch and crossed his arms. “You’re such an asshole. I didn’t raise you to be this disrespectful.”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” Sungjong laughed. Sunggyu shot him a glare. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but think about what that says about you,” Sungjong admitted. “Oh! Maybe Woohyun fell in love with you because of the way you pout.”

Sunggyu self-consciously touched his face. “Why, do I look cute? Because I don’t; I look manly.”

“You look terrible,” Sungjong replied, not bothering to look at him, “I’m just throwing out theories here.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes before finally smacking him on the back of his head.

***

Woohyun slumped against his door in relief when he stepped into the safety of his apartment. He had trusted the staff to close down last night so he could go out with Sunggyu, but that had apparently been a mistake since half the work had been left undone, so he had awoken to the shrill ringing of his phone before the sun was even up. Furthermore, fate had unwound itself in such a way that they had been constantly busy, morning through evening. He’d been downstairs in the café since six o’clock that morning, and it was now well after midnight.

Normally, Woohyun would be happy for such a busy day. Business on weekdays normally dwindled to a pathetic crawl during the evenings, so a day like this could make all the difference in how much they made that week. However, he’d woken up with a headache that had only grown to include a dizziness that made him sway and the sniffles.

It had been a very bad day.

He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep off whatever illness he seemed to have contracted, but he registered that the light in the kitchen was on through the fog in his mind. Woohyun rolled his eyes. It would be his luck to get murdered on a day like today.

He crept slowly towards the kitchen, trying to register what he could use as a weapon in case of attack. He heard the robber humming to himself as he went through cabinets. Joke was on him, Woohyun thought, because he didn’t even  _ own  _ anything of value. Then he frowned, realizing that he was about to get killed over a cheap set of dishware.

Woohyun gulped and stepped into the entryway of the kitchen, but was surprised when it was the would-be-robber that yelped.

“Jesus, Woohyun, don’t just creep up on me like that!” Sunggyu scolded him, waving a very non-threatening fork in his direction.

Woohyun furrowed his brows. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too,” Sunggyu replied sarcastically, setting the fork down.

“No, I’m glad you’re here, but… what’s… why… ” Woohyun struggled to find a reason as to why Sunggyu would be in his apartment this late at night when they hadn’t made any plans.

“I just wanted to surprise you!” Sunggyu said, his ears turning red. “You just seemed kind of down today, so I thought, ‘Hm, what would Woohyun like?’”

“Pretty narcissistic of you to think of yourself,” Woohyun teased.

Sunggyu groaned. “I didn’t! I just… thought… you’d like someone to come home to.” Sunggyu rubbed his neck self-consciously.

Woohyun looked at him, stunned. “Why… would you think that?”

“Because,” Sunggyu said, giving an exasperated sigh, “when we were in high school your house was always empty, and you don’t even really have neighbors to check on you!” Sunggyu’s face began to burn. He lifted up the brown paper bag and a bottle of wine. “But I can’t cook, so I brought takeout and wine.”

Sunggyu jumped as Woohyun suddenly wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in his neck. His voice was muffled as he said, “I love you. Thank you.”

Sunggyu gently set the food and wine back on the counter and pulled Woohyun into an embrace. He tried to tease him half-heartedly, “Aw, so emotional. I know, I know, I’m the most considerate lover ever.”

“Yeah,” Woohyun replied, his voice breaking. He felt his throat grow tight.

Sunggyu frowned and pulled away to check Woohyun’s temperature. He gasped as he held the back of his hand to Woohyun’s forehead. “Jesus, Woohyun, you’re burning up!” Woohyun felt his own forehead, dazed, as Sunggyu led him to the living room to sit down on the couch. “Good thing I came by! You could’ve collapsed.”

Woohyun gave a weak laugh. “At least I’ll die happy.”

“Don’t say that,” Sunggyu scolded. As he stood, Woohyun tried to follow him, but Sunggyu forced him to stay seated on the couch by pushing down on his shoulders with surprising strength. Woohyun whined because he was too weak to fight back. “You just stay here while I go and find some medicine.”

“There’s none here,” Woohyun said before slipping into a coughing fit.

Sunggyu frowned again. “Then wait here while I go get some--”

“No!” Woohyun stood and grabbed Sunggyu’s wrist to prevent him from leaving, but slumped back onto the couch when he became light-headed. He closed his eyes and said, “Just stay here with me.”

As Sunggyu sat back down next to him, he grumbled half-heartedly, “Fine, but don’t spend the rest of the night complaining about how sick you feel.”

“Of course not,” Woohyun said, leaning his head against Sunggyu’s shoulder. “That’s your job.”

“Watch it,” Sunggyu warned, resting his cheek on top of Woohyun’s head.

Woohyun grabbed Sunggyu’s hand and played with his fingers for a bit before feeling his eyes grow heavy. This was right, he thought, Sunggyu belonged here with him. All of that time he had spent holding himself back had been worth it.

See, Woohyun knew that he could be overbearing. He knew that. He had been lonely, and he’d asked for more than eighteen-year-old Sunggyu had been willing or able to give. Woohyun had come to accept that.

He’d had other lovers, some men--mostly women. He knew how hard he could push, so after that reckless night he’d decided to back off and wait for Sunggyu to come to him. That would prove to him that Sunggyu was different, because if Woohyun knew anything about Sunggyu it was this: He was not a man that was used to needing or being needed.

So the fact that Sunggyu had come to him, begged for him, and had now become sensitive to when Woohyun needed him too made him feel at ease. He could trust this Sunggyu, or he could at least try. He felt like he could press a little harder and trust Sunggyu to bend, no longer afraid that he would break.

Woohyun was nearly asleep when Sunggyu asked, “Are you hungry?”

“No,” he mumbled sleepily. He shifted until he was curled up on the couch, his head in Sunggyu’s lap. “Just let me sleep here.”

Sunggyu frowned. “When did you last eat?”

Woohyun mumbled unintelligibly, causing Sunggyu to shake his shoulder until he spoke up. Woohyun groaned, annoyed. “I don’t know, I think I grabbed a banana on my way out of here for breakfast?”

“That’s all you’ve eaten all day?” Sunggyu pressed worriedly. “You need to eat something.”

“Don’t wanna,” Woohyun whined. Sunggyu stood up, and Woohyun whimpered pathetically as his head hit the couch. “I really don’t feel well, Gyu. I don’t need anything.”

Sunggyu ignored him and walked into the kitchen. Woohyun sighed as he heard the sound of drawers and cabinets opening, then pushed himself up. Sunggyu returned moments later with the takeout bag and a glass of wine.

“For me? You shouldn’t have,” Woohyun said, grabbing for the glass of wine.

Sunggyu was too quick, moving the glass away before Woohyun could reach it. “Wine is for not sick people.”

“Why? What’s wrong with drinking when I’m sick?” Woohyun pouted, turning towards the takeout bag to find something that appealed to his sick stomach.

“I think I heard it dehydrates you,” Sunggyu commented disinterestedly. “Anyway, there’s soup in there, so you need to finish that before you can sleep.”

Woohyun grumbled under his breath as he curled up against Sunggyu’s side with his sick-person soup. Sunggyu grabbed the remote and began flipping through channels before deciding on some singing variety show.

He settled into the couch, wrapping an arm around Woohyun’s shoulder. Woohyun could already feel the sleep tugging at him, trying to pull him under, but he knew Sunggyu would just wake him up again until he finished the damn soup.

Sometime later, Sunggyu heard a light snore emitting from Woohyun asleep against his side. He moved carefully, taking the half-finished soup from his hands that threatened to spill.

Sunggyu pushed the hair from Woohyun’s face and smiled softly.

“What would you ever do without me?”

***

The next day, Woohyun shooed Sunggyu out of his house by mid-morning.

“As much as I love you taking care of me, I’m not going to do anything but sleep all day, and I can do that better if you’re not here,” he said, blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he practically pushed Sunggyu towards the door.

If he were being honest, he was half-desperate for Sunggyu to leave so that he would stop complaining about how bored he was. Sunggyu was not a natural caregiver, needless to say, but he was working on it. He just had a long way to go.

Sunggyu pursed his lips and sighed. “Fine! I’ll come back after dinner, okay?”

Woohyun grunted his agreement, and Sunggyu pressed a quick kiss against his lips. Woohyun sighed in relief as the front door closed behind him.

Sunggyu was impatient as he went through his lessons that day. He was finally with his last student when his phone vibrated.

It was a text message from Junhyung, and all it said was “we need to talk.”

Sunggyu pinched his nose and sighed. When the lesson was over, he called Junhyung, hoping that whatever it was could wait until tomorrow.

“I don’t have time to meet with you today,” Sunggyu sighed, leaning against the wall outside the café.

“Please, Gyu, it’s super important,” Junhyung pleaded.

Sunggyu pursed his lips. “Are you sure it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Just meet me at the bar down the street from the studio, you know the one.”

Sunggyu growled as the line went dead. He sent Woohyun a message, telling him that he’d be late. Casting one last longing glance at the door that led to the apartment above the café, he turned in the opposite direction towards the subway station.

As Sunggyu pushed his way past a crowd of people at the bar, he spotted Junhyung sitting by himself in a booth near the back.

“Thanks for coming,” Junhyung said as Sunggyu sat down across from him.

Sunggyu ran fingers through his hair and gave an exhausted sigh. “What do you need to tell me Junhyung?”

“So you already know that in about a month, I’ll be going on tour,” he began. His eyes were downcast, watching as his fingers drew circles on the wood grain of the table.

Sunggyu looked at him through narrowed eyes. “Yes, I seem to recall us having an argument about it.”

“Yeah, and we both moved past it,” Junhyung replied. He took a breath before continuing, “The group that was supposed to open for me just dropped out. Something about an illness in the lead singer’s family.”

Sunggyu frowned. “That’s sad.”

“Sure, it’s sad for him,” Junhyung said, “but maybe not for you.”

“Junhyung, what are you saying?” Sunggyu’s insides began to crawl in dread as the dawning realization of what he was implying washed over him.

Junhyung exhaled deeply, then looked up at him, straight into his eyes. “Sunggyu, I want you to open for me on tour.”

“I--” Sunggyu swallowed, stunned. He blinked, struggling to find the words to say. “That’s… that’s a huge deal.”

“It is,” Junhyung agreed. “You’d be touring the country with us for about five weeks, then if all goes well, we’ll have a ten day break before a two-month tour in Japan.”

Sunggyu stared at the table in shock. Junhyung watched him carefully. “You’ll say yes, won’t you?”

“I…” Sunggyu realized he didn’t know. Years ago--hell, a few  _ months _ ago--he surely would have said yes.

Junhyung sighed. “This is a no-brainer, Gyu. If the company likes you, if the audiences like you, they could offer you a contract. This is the real deal.”

“A contract?” Sunggyu whispered. He clasped his hands together when he realized they were shaking.

“Yes, a contract, and a real recording studio and a real album pressing and real gigs.” Junhyung reached out and clasped Sunggyu’s hands in his. “Please say yes. Look, Gyu, I--” Junhyung swallowed nervously. “I know I fucked up. I screwed the band over for my shot, and I don’t regret it, but--but I’m giving you this chance. Please take it.”

Sunggyu felt his throat grow tight. It was everything eighteen-year-old Sunggyu ever wanted.

“Opportunities like this don’t just fall into your lap. This is your last shot.”

It was everything twenty-seven-year-old Sunggyu should want.

Junhyung sighed in frustration. “Damn it, Sunggyu, just say something!”

“I…” Sunggyu withdrew his hands from Junhyung’s grasp. “I need to go.”

Sunggyu slipped out of the booth and ignored Junhyung’s angry calls for him to sit back down. He stumbled out of the bar and to the subway station.

He was terrified.

Sunggyu wasn’t a coward. He wasn’t scared of the commitment, or the long hours. He wasn’t scared of Junhyung, of working with him, and he certainly wasn’t scared of being away from home that long.

He was terrified of how much he wanted it.

He had Woohyun, he had students, and he had his friends. Hell, he was performing music every week and earning decent money from it. He had decided it was enough.

But there was some part of him, some small, dark part of him, that whispered that Junhyung was right. He would never get another chance like this. Never.

If he didn’t do this, he would be giving up on the reason he’d left his home, and Woohyun, behind in the first place. If he didn’t do this, his mother might never let him come home. Those were her terms, after all: don’t come back unless you bring home a degree or a record deal. She had always been such a stubborn old hag.

Sunggyu quietly unlocked the door Woohyun’s apartment, praying that Woohyun was already asleep.

He wasn’t, of course.

Woohyun was curled up in bed, the lamp on his bedside table still on as he played some game on his phone. When he heard Sunggyu approach the bed he tore his eyes away and smiled at him. “Welcome home.”

“What are you playing?” Sunggyu asked, nodding his head towards the phone in Woohyun’s hands.

“Oh,” Woohyun said, turning back to look at the screen as Sunggyu crawled into bed next to him, “it’s this soccer game that lets you manage teams and stuff.”

“That sounds like something you’d like,” Sunggyu laughed quietly, trying to hide the guilt in his voice. He felt like, deep in his bones, if he said one wrong word Woohyun would  _ know _ .

“How was your day?” Woohyun asked sleepily. He shifted on the mattress so that his back was pressed firmly against Sunggyu’s chest.

“Good,” Sunggyu whispered. “How was yours?”

Woohyun groaned. “Boring as hell. I downloaded like ten of these games to keep myself sane when I wasn’t sleeping or coughing my lungs out.”

“You sound better though.”

Woohyun turned his head to look at him and smiled. “I feel better.”

“Good.” Sunggyu pressed a kiss against his neck before pulling back. “I’m going to shower. It’s been a long day.”

Woohyun hummed in contentment as Sunggyu pushed himself off the mattress. Sunggyu gave him a searching look before turning towards the bathroom. When he exited, Woohyun was already asleep. Sunggyu felt another pang of guilt for being relieved at the sight.

He decided not to tell Woohyun. Nothing was certain, not yet anyway. There was no reason to upset Woohyun when he wasn’t even sure if he would take Junhyung up on his offer. The fact that he hadn’t already accepted was another can of worms entirely, one that Sunggyu was not eager to address.

He needed time--time to figure something out, to decide on what he really wanted. He knew what Woohyun would say. He didn’t need that argument because he knew how it would end.

He had to decide: his dream, or this? This--Woohyun there, in his arms, waiting for him to come home, a life and a job and an apartment and students who relied on him to teach--that was what was at stake.

Sunggyu swallowed his guilt and shut his eyes to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can see, only one more chapter after this. then the entire series will be done T___T i can't believe it.... it's been like 3 months since I started working on it and the end is nigh. i don't really have any desire to write a continuation after this, so i hope you guys end up satisfied with the ending ;;;; honestly, i'm a bit worried! this chapter is longer than usual, and the next chapter will be of a similar length, i think. i worked really hard to push this out before ifnt's comeback!!! and i'm going to work hard to finish the last chapter really fast too... i've already sort of set my mind on what stuff i want to write after this. i think no more angst for a while... i need to recharge! i have something short & seasonal & fluffy and not even 1% sad in my drafts from foreverrrrr ago that i suddenly got re-interested in so look forward to that sometime during october :)

Woohyun’s eyes tracked Sunggyu’s form as he paced back and forth across the floor of his bedroom. Every so often he stopped and his mouth opened as if he were about to say something, then he shut it and resumed pacing. It was slowly driving Woohyun crazy.

“Sunggyu, you’ve been wearing a hole in my bedroom floor for five minutes straight,” he sighed. “Can I go shower now, or…?”

Sunggyu paused. “I have something I need to ask you.”

“What is it?” Woohyun gulped nervously, then straightened himself up where he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I…” Sunggyu paused, as if the words pained him. “I need you to take these.”

He handed over a crumpled pack of cigarettes he’d been hiding in his palm. There were still three left. Woohyun stared at them in distaste. “Why do you want me to hold on to your cigarettes?”

“I’m quitting,” Sunggyu muttered. He moved to sit next to Woohyun on the bed. “You can flush them down the toilet, hide them, whatever. Just don’t give them to me, even if I beg.”

Woohyun looked at him quietly. “Okay, Gyu. Not even if you beg.”

“I’m serious,” Sunggyu said, “Even if I try to bribe you with sex, you can’t give them to me.”

Woohyun laughed. “ _ Especially _ if you bribe me with sex. Then you’ll just have to try and tempt me with more.”

Sunggyu nudged Woohyun’s shoulder with his own. “Even when I deprive you of sex, don’t give them to me.”

“That’s not fair,” Woohyun began to whine, but was silenced by a sharp glare from Sunggyu. “Fine, even when you won’t put out, I, Nam Woohyun, swear to never give you a single cigarette.”

“Thank you,” Sunggyu sighed, leaning his head on Woohyun’s shoulder. “I’ve been meaning to quit for a long time, you know.”

“Have you?” Woohyun said quietly.

Sunggyu hummed in agreement. “It’s expensive, plus it ruins your voice, and… and you don’t like the smell, so…”

“I don’t,” Woohyun agreed, smiling broadly. “Thanks, Gyu.”

Sunggyu scoffed and elbowed him in the side. “I’m not doing it for  _ you _ .”

“Sure,” Woohyun replied.

“I mean it. It’s for my health.”

“I know.”

Sunggyu scrutinized him for another moment before flopping down onto the mattress, exhausted. “I already miss them.”

“Maybe you should find something to distract you,” Woohyun said, laying down next to him. “Something to take your mind off of it.”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes at the insinuation. “And what should that ‘something’ be?”

“I don’t know,” Woohyun said, rolling onto his side and trailing a hand up Sunggyu’s stomach. “How about knitting?”

Sunggyu snorted in laughter as Woohyun rolled on top of him. “No way in hell.”

“Okay then,” Woohyun said lowly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “What about cooking?”

“That’s your thing,” Sunggyu replied. His breath hitched as Woohyun moved on to his neck, then his collarbone.

Woohyun pushed Sunggyu’s shirt up roughly and gripped his side to keep him from moving. Sunggyu squirmed as his breath tickled his skin. “Then join a book club.”

“You know my taste in books is--” Sunggyu’s voice cracked as Woohyun took a nipple into his mouth. “--eclectic at best. Aren’t they for--” Sunggyu gasped as Woohyun pinched his other nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “--middle aged women anyway?”

Woohyun pulled back and admired his handiwork. Sunggyu was flushed and panting, looking up at Woohyun with a confused expression. Woohyun smirked. “I still think it’s worth a try.”

Woohyun got off the bed and headed towards the bathroom. Sunggyu stared after him in shock. “Where the hell are you going?”

“To take a shower,” Woohyun called from inside the bathroom.

Sunggyu groaned. “You can’t just leave me like this.”

Woohyun chuckled and turned on the water. “You’re not thinking about the cigarettes anymore though, are you?”

“No, I’m thinking of ways to murder you for being a terrible person,” Sunggyu pouted.

“Somehow, I’m not that worried,” Woohyun laughed. “If you want to continue, the least you could do is wash my hair while I take care of you.”

Sunggyu nearly stumbled as he pushed himself off the bed and ran to join him.

***

Woohyun sank lower into the uncomfortable white couch as he waited for his mother to exit the dressing room.

He’d been tricked into coming dress shopping with her. Boohyun had texted him, asking to meet him for lunch, but now Woohyun was hungry  _ and _ forced to sit there with his brother and his future aunt-in-law (are those even a thing? Woohyun wasn’t sure) for the next few hours so he could watch his mom try on dresses.

“Woohyun, sit up,” Boohyun muttered.

Woohyun sneered at him, but sat up. “What’s the point of us being here anyway? She’s got her matron of honor for that.”

The woman sitting to Boohyun’s right glowered at him for speaking as if she weren’t there. Boohyun groaned. “Just get over yourself, would you?”

“Get over myself? How the hell am I supposed to--”

The sales clerk scurried out into the lobby and grinned at them. “She’s about to come out. The first dress she’ll be trying on is a strapless ballgown.”

Woohyun avoided the urge to roll his eyes as his mother stepped out of the room. The dress had a fitted bodice and an absurdly large, poofy skirt. She had to gather the delicate material in both hands as she climbed onto the pedestal.

“It looks great, Mom,” Boohyun said, smiling as she spun around in front of the mirror. 

Woohyun snorted which earned him a glare and a jab in the side from his brother. His mother sighed. “Do you have anything to add, Woohyun-ah?”

“You look like you’re trying too hard to be seventeen again,” he retorted.

His mother’s face fell, but before she could respond, Boohyun interjected, “I think what he means is that you’d look even better in something more classic.”

“Ohh, like lace!” the matron of honor squealed.

His mother attempted a smile. “You’re right. Let’s try one of the lace dresses.”

As she returned to the dressing room, Boohyun grabbed Woohyun’s arm and pulled him up roughly from his seat. He turned to the matron of honor. “Please excuse us for a moment.”

He dragged Woohyun back into the main lobby of the dress shop.

“Will you stop being such an ass?” he hissed through gritted teeth.

Woohyun jerked his arm out of Boohyun’s grasp. “Or what? You’ll make me leave? I’ve been trying my best to get out of this in the first place.”

“You’re such a fucking child,” Boohyun spat. “Can’t you even  _ pretend _ to be happy for her? Just pretend.”

“I wouldn’t have to pretend if you two would just give up on the ‘best man’ thing!” Woohyun glanced around to see people staring at him.

Boohyun dragged him further into a corner and lowered his voice. “You need to grow up and accept the fact that you’re going to be asked to do things you don’t want to do, and you don’t get to throw a tantrum every time that happens.”

Woohyun glared at him for a hard moment, but Boohyun refused to back down. “Fine,” he hissed. “I’ll shut up and tell her what she wants to hear. Let’s just go back already.”

They returned to their place on the couch just as their mother was walking out in a new dress of fitted lace. Woohyun forced a smile on his face. “That looks much better.”

Hours later, many more hours than Woohyun had ever hoped to spend dress shopping with his mother over the course of his entire life, he arrived back to the comfort of his apartment.

Sunggyu was already there. He was there a lot lately, and it was sort of confusing to Woohyun, this Sunggyu who liked to greet him when he got home after a long day at work or drink at home with him instead of at a large drinking party with friends, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like it. It was nice, having someone to come back to.

As he walked through the door, Sunggyu pinned him to the wall, pressing his lips against Woohyun’s in a heated and eager kiss.

When he pulled back, Sunggyu said, “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”

“Aw, I missed you too,” Woohyun chuckled.

“It’s the damn cigarettes,” Sunggyu whined. “I have all this pent up stress and frustration and no other way to vent it.”

Woohyun’s eyebrows shot up. “I never thought I’d say this, but I love your cigarettes.”

“Ugh, shut up. Just…” Sunggyu pressed another, gentler kiss to his lips. “Are you going to help me relax or not?”

Woohyun’s lips twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. “Have you tried yoga?”

Sunggyu’s hands dropped from him instantly as he turned around. “I hate you, and I’m never having sex with you again.”

“No, wait!” Woohyun laughed, stumbling forward in his haste to grab Sunggyu’s wrist and stop him from leaving. He laced their fingers together and pulled him into another kiss, their teeth clacking together when they tried and failed not to smile. “I’d be happy to be your nicotine patch.”

Sunggyu grinned and attacked his neck, nipping gently at the skin as he made his way down to Woohyun’s collarbone. “Fine, but let me fuck you tonight.”

Woohyun gave an exaggerated groan. “You can be so difficult sometimes.”

Later that evening, after Sunggyu had fallen asleep, Woohyun wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s middle, huddling close into his warmth.

He didn’t really like to talk about it, though he guessed that Sunggyu somehow suspected, but the evenings after dealing with his mother were bad. Woohyun knew he was a needy person in general, but spending time with her just caused a stone of anxiety to settle in his gut. Those were the nights where he fell into an uneasy sleep, not sure if Sunggyu would still be there when he woke up.

Sunggyu’s father had left before he could form any real memories of him, and his mother and sister had always been busy with work or school. Sunggyu wasn’t a needy person, and he had never really learned what it felt like to be needed, but he seemed more patient than he was when they were eighteen, more giving. When they had found each other again, after all those lonely years, Woohyun thought it might be fate. This older Sunggyu was like Sunggyu with his edges worn down, his teeth worn dull against the passage of time. It was a good change, he thought. He retained his old confidence, though now less reckless, and most importantly he was  _ there _ .

Lately though, it sometimes felt like he was very far away, even when Woohyun held him close like this. 

The thing Woohyun remembered the most about those last few weeks before they had parted was how distant Sunggyu had grown. Even when he was with Woohyun, next to him or under him or screaming out his name, it was like his head was somewhere else, somewhere Woohyun wasn’t allowed to go. Woohyun was like a satellite, peripherally orbiting a world that was Sunggyu’s and Sunggyu’s alone.

So, when he felt like this, he held Sunggyu a little closer, loved him a little bit harder, in the hopes that this time it might reach him.

***

Sunggyu sat tuning his guitar backstage when he heard the door to the dressing room open. Woohyun smiled and walked over to him. “Just wanted to wish you luck.”

“How many times have I done this?” Sunggyu laughed. Woohyun bent down to kiss him. “Thank you though.”

Woohyun smiled back at him. “You’ll be great.”

Sunggyu stared at him with an unreadable expression. “After this set, I need to talk to you.”

“Oh?” Woohyun tilted his head in amusement. “About what?”

“It’s a secret,” Sunggyu replied, smiling weakly.

Woohyun looked at him curiously for a moment, as if trying to figure something out. After a moment, he shrugged in defeat and bid him goodbye.

Woohyun leaned against the bar as Sunggyu took the stage. If the night wasn’t too busy he liked to stay and watch. His sets stayed mostly the same, but Sunggyu had taken to making small, subtle changes to his set list depending on his mood.

Woohyun wondered how he was feeling this week.

Woohyun hoped he was feeling happy, because Sunggyu feeling happy would make him feel a little bit better about his own terrible week. He’d been tricked again that day, this time into getting fitted for a tux and helping to pick out cake toppers. The wedding was only a week away, and everyone had to pitch in to make sure everything got done in time. Luckily even Boohyun admitted the tedium of what they were doing was mind-numbingly dull, so Woohyun had been given a free pass to sit there and not say anything.

Halfway through the first song, he heard Bora, who was bartending that night, scoff in disgust. She sneered, “Look what the cat dragged in.”

“Always nice to see you too, darling.” The stranger winked at her. Woohyun studied him curiously. He was of an average height, his clothes dark and tight fitting. His hair was messy as if he had just woken up and he had dark circles under his eyes, though it did not make him any less handsome.

Bora narrowed her eyes. “Just order your drink and get out of here, Junhyung.”

Junhyung chuckled. “Relax, will you? I’m here to see Gyu.” He took a cigarette out of his pocket and held it up to his lips as he searched for his lighter. “We have unfinished business.”

“We have a no smoking policy,” Woohyun warned, now interested in the stranger who seemed to know Sunggyu. The cigarettes were the same brand Sunggyu smoked.

Junhyung took the cigarette out of his mouth and held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, boss man. I’ll have whatever’s on tap then.”

“Fine,” Bora muttered, grabbing a glass.

Junhyung took his time to admire his surroundings. “So this is where Gyu’s been hiding all this time?”

“Hiding? You’ve been free to come see him all this time, so why haven’t you?” she spat.

Junhyung narrowed his eyes. “Easy there. I’ve been busy too.”

“Yeah, I bet you’ve been easy,” she hissed, “Must be  _ so _ hard having everything we ever worked for.”

“Yeah, it’s a fucking nightmare.” Junhyung smirked. “So how’s Soyu doing--”

She snarled, “Keep her name off your fucking lips, you son of a--”

“Bora,” Woohyun said quietly. He glanced at her in warning.

Bora sighed and poured him his beer. Junhyung said, “God, you’re such a bitch.”

Woohyun scrambled behind the counter, but couldn’t stop her in time from throwing the contents of the beer glass in Junhyung’s face. That entire section of the bar froze in shock for a few seconds before uneasily turning their attention back to the stage.

Woohyun snuck a glance to see Sunggyu staring worriedly in their direction. He shook his head almost imperceptibly, then turned back to Junhyung and Bora. Through gritted teeth he said, “Bora. Five minute break. Now.”

“But, Woohyun, he--”

“You need to cool down,” Woohyun growled. She rolled her eyes and walked to the other end of the bar to serve other customers. He turned towards Junhyung who was wiping the beer from his face. “I’m so sorry, she just--”

Woohyun froze as Junhyung began to laugh. He doubled over in laughter, clutching onto the bar counter for support. When he could breath again, he said, “She’s wanted to do that for about three years I think.”

Junhyung smiled fondly after her for a moment before turning back to Woohyun. He winked at him. “Nice to meet you, Woohyun-ssi.”

Woohyun stared at his back in confusion as Junhyung left the bar to reenter the crowd. He pushed his way towards the stage, and when Sunggyu caught sight of him, he gave a small smile and nod. Woohyun frowned.

Bora returned to his side after a moment. “I hate that guy so much.”

“Who is he?” Woohyun asked, furrowing his brows. He never took his eyes off Junhyung except to glance occasionally at Sunggyu.

“The bassist in the band Sunggyu and I were in years ago,” she said as she began to wipe the spilled beer of the countertop. “We were busting our asses just to get noticed, but he ditched us for some indie label the moment they offered him a contract.”

Woohyun’s frown deepened. “He seems pretty close to Sunggyu.”

“Yeah, because Sunggyu’s the only one who still talks to him voluntarily. Yongguk’s over it, I think, but Junhyung’s got this way of speaking that just riles you up.” She sighed. “Gyu can forgive pretty much anything, though, so they stayed friends long after we broke up.”

“I see,” Woohyun said quietly.

Bora glanced at him knowingly. “Really, really good friends.”

Woohyun’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem, boss.” She sighed and gazed wistfully at the stage. “Gyu seems kind of down this week. Any idea why?”

“No idea,” Woohyun mumbled. He crossed his arms and furrowed his brow as the gears in his mind began turning.

“He never tells me anything!” Bora whined. “He talks to Junhyung more than to me or Yongguk. He’s so weird.” She looked up at Sunggyu thoughtfully as he began to play the final song in his set. “I think he feels bad for Junhyung. Sunggyu’s like his only friend left.”

“Would you just shut up about Junhyung?” Woohyun snapped. Bora threw her hands up in surrender and went back to work as Woohyun drilled holes into Sunggyu’s frame, willing him to make eye contact. Sunggyu wouldn’t though; he kept one eye trained on the crowd and another on Junhyung, Woohyun was convinced. A pang of anxiety squeezed at his heart.

After the set was over, Woohyun pushed his way to the crowd, trying to reach Sunggyu first, but Junhyung intercepted him on his way back to the dressing room. Woohyun tried to voice his protestation as Sunggyu beckoned him in to talk, but could only watch helplessly as the plain white door swung shut.

Sunggyu set his guitar aside and collapsed into the foldable chair, guzzling down water as fast as his stomach could handle it. Junhyung leaned against the plain white countertop and watched him in amusement.

“That was a nice set you played. The crowd loved it.”

“Why are you covered in beer?” Sunggyu asked, furrowing his brow.

“Bora,” Junhyung laughed.

Sunggyu nodded in understanding. He shrugged. “Well you probably deserved it.”

“I did.” Junhyung grinned widely and Sunggyu rolled his eyes.

“When are you going to stop saying rude shit just to piss her and Yongguk off?” Sunggyu asked. “Bora already loathes you and Yongguk doesn’t talk to you.”

“Not any time soon it seems,” he replied.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Sunggyu spat. “You just want them to hate you so you can assuage your own guilt. That doesn’t make you a fucking hero or some tragic martyr.”

“I know,” Junhyung said sadly.

Sunggyu screwed the cap back onto his water and continued ranting, “It’d make you feel so damn good if you could just believe we all hate you for abandoning us. That’s why I can’t. You don’t get to feel like some silently suffering anti-hero.”

Junhyung’s voice was so low it was nearly a whisper. “When did you get so perceptive, Gyu?”

“It only took me three years.” Sunggyu leaned back and closed his eyes. “Just tell me what you have to say.”

“What, can’t I come and see my best friend perform if I want to without some ulterior motive?” he asked defensively.

Sunggyu gave a short laugh. “That’s really sad if  _ I’m _ your best friend.”

Junhyung’s expression darkened, but he ignored the comment. Instead, he asked, “Are you going to take me up on the offer or not? I need an answer soon.”

Sunggyu sighed. “I knew you were going to ask me that.”

“Then you should have an answer by now.”

“I don’t know,” Sunggyu said. He groaned and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “I need to talk it over with Woohyun first.”

Junhyung frowned. “Woohyun? The owner guy?” Dawning realization overtook his expression. “Gyu, you sly fox--”

“I didn’t sleep with him to get a gig here!” Sunggyu growled, pushing himself out of his chair. His hands unconsciously balled into fits. “Just shut up about it.”

“Oh, now I totally wanna mess with him.”

“He’s not something for you to play with!” Sunggyu snarled. “Just leave him out of this. It’s none of your--”

“None of my business, I know.” Junhyung shrugged. “Why do you need to talk to him first though? It’s  _ your _ decision.”

“It’s not just  _ my _ decision,” Sunggyu replied, “We’re together. We’ll decide  _ together _ . I’m not going to spring it on him a week before I leave.”

Junhyung scoffed. “Your boyfriend isn’t the one going on tour, you are.” He began pacing the small room. After a moment he sent Sunggyu an accusatory glare. “What are you gonna do when he asks you to stay?”

“We’ll talk about it. We’ll work things out, we’ll--”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk about it? You either go or you don’t go, Gyu. You can’t just tour for a week and then come home when he feels lonely.”

Sunggyu glared at him. “You think I don’t know that?”

“I’m not sure that you do,” Junhyung admitted. “Gyu… take it from me: this life isn’t made for happy, peaceful relationships.” He stopped pacing and sighed. “Other people just don’t get it, you know? This is everything to us; music will  _ always _ come first. A lot of people just can’t handle that.”

Sunggyu swallowed dryly. “You don’t even know Woohyun.”

“I don’t have to. Who wants that, Gyu?” he asked, his voice growing desperate. “Who wants to live like that? You’ll be on tour for months at a time, and when you get a break from that, you’ll be busy composing or recording or interviewing.  _ Maybe _ you’ll have a week off between packed schedules every few months. The company will strike while the iron’s hot right after the tour, so that’ll be your life for at least the next two or three years. It’s an all or nothing commitment.”

“I haven’t even decided if I’m going yet,” Sunggyu protested weakly.

Junhyung looked at him sadly. “But I know you.”

Sunggyu wondered if that was really true. Did Junhyung know him? Sunggyu wasn’t even sure he knew himself anymore. He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. “I’m going to talk with him about it tonight.”

“Okay,” Junhyung said quietly. He turned to leave, but paused as his hand rested on the doorknob. “Sunggyu? Just make sure when you tell him that you’re not letting him make your decision for you.”

Sunggyu opened his mouth, but the door slammed shut before he could respond.

Woohyun had been pacing up and down the hallway for the past five minutes, debating whether he should break down the door or knock first. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was deeply wrong.

His head swung towards the door when he heard it open. Junhyung stepped smoothly out and gave him a knowing smile that Woohyun wanted to tear from his face. “He’s all yours.”

“Just get out of here,” Woohyun muttered, brushing past him and into the room.

Sunggyu sat on the foldable chair with a dazed expression on his face. He didn’t even glance up at Woohyun as he stormed into the small, white room. “Who was that?”

Sunggyu spared him a glance before looking back at the wall opposite from him. “A friend.”

“A friend.” Woohyun snorted. “Right.”

Sunggyu frowned. “He  _ is _ a friend, Woohyun.”

“Just a friend?”

Sunggyu finally looked up to meet Woohyun’s hard gaze. He gritted his teeth. “Yes, he’s just a friend.”

“Liar.”

“What do you want me to say?” Sunggyu shouted, moving to stand so that his face was level with Woohyun’s. “We used to fuck, but there were no feelings involved. We were and always have been  _ friends _ .”

Woohyun’s chest hurt with the knowledge that he was right. He had known something was going on. There was always something going on with Sunggyu.

“You’re still friends with someone you used to fuck and I’m supposed to feel happy about it?” he asked incredulously.

“Jesus, you want to bring that up  _ now _ ?” Sunggyu pinched the bridge of his nose. “What, do you want me to submit a copy of my sexual history to you for approval?”

“That’s not what I said,” Woohyun said lowly.

Sunggyu crossed his arms over his chest. “You don’t get to judge me about what I did during the eight years we were apart. We weren’t together.”

“Oh, believe me, I know we weren’t together,” Woohyun spat. “You made that much clear.”

Sunggyu ran fingers through his hair and shrugged helplessly. “I can’t believe we’re discussing this right now.”

Woohyun asked quietly, “When was the last time?”

“What?”

“The last time you fucked him,” Woohyun said through gritted teeth. “When was it?”

Sunggyu threw his hands up in disbelief. “I don’t know, like a week before we got together? Why does it matter?”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I sure?” Sunggyu groaned. “Woohyun, you are acting like a crazy person. What, do you want me to pull out my dick so you can check that I wasn’t fucking him right before you walked in?”

Woohyun grabbed Sunggyu by the biceps and shoved him against the wall. He wasn’t thinking at this point. He let the fear take hold of him, make him lean in to kiss Sunggyu roughly, in a way that wasn’t like him.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against Sunggyu’s, his breaths heavy and rapid. Sunggyu hesitantly reached up to clutch his shirt. “I love you, Woohyun. You know that. I love you.”

Woohyun looked at him in pain. He knew Sunggyu was telling the truth; he knew that Sunggyu wasn’t cheating on him. He would never. But Woohyun could still feel some wrongness between them that squeezed at his heart.

He leaned in to kiss Sunggyu again. His teeth tugged harshly at Sunggyu’s lip as he pulled away to move to his neck, his collarbone. Woohyun pulled off his jacket roughly and tugged the neck of Sunggyu’s t-shirt over his shoulder, so that he could kiss there too.

Sunggyu laughed nervously. “Seriously? This was all just some ploy to have angry sex in the dressing rooms?”

“Shut up,” Woohyun growled, gripping his hips harshly and pinning him to the wall.

Sunggyu whimpered as Woohyun nearly tore off his shirt in his haste to remove it from Sunggyu’s body. His breathing was becoming rapid, though he wasn’t sure if it was from fear or excitement. “Woohyun, we can’t. People will hear us.”

Woohyun did away with Sunggyu’s belt and unbuckled his pants. “These rooms are soundproof.”

Sunggyu swallowed dryly. He was still uncertain, but before he could voice his concerns, Woohyun shoved three fingers into his mouth.

“If you don’t want this to hurt, wet them properly.”

Sunggyu obediently began to lather Woohyun’s fingers with his spit. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done this kind of play before. And usually Sunggyu was really into it, but then it had always been fake. Now he wasn’t so sure.

After a moment, Woohyun removed his fingers from Sunggyu’s mouth and gave no warning when he shoved the first finger in. Sunggyu jumped and pounded weakly at his shoulder. “Give me some warning next time.”

Woohyun ignored him and shoved the second finger in. The slide was a little rougher than he liked, but Sunggyu thanked all the gods in heaven that they’d had sex earlier that morning, so he was still relatively loose.

Sunggyu wrapped his arms around Woohyun’s neck and pulled him in close at the third finger so that Woohyun’s head was buried in his neck. Something was wrong with Woohyun, but since Woohyun wouldn’t talk about it, all he could do was hold him close, let him take what he needed. Sunggyu would do anything if it helped Woohyun stop hurting.

“Turn around,” Woohyun whispered. Sunggyu shuddered at the dark look in his eye and froze. Impatient, Woohyun waited only a couple of tense seconds before spinning him around roughly. Sunggyu braced himself against the wall with his hands as he heard Woohyun pull down his zipper.

Sunggyu gasped at the initial pain, his fingers curling into fists. Woohyun was at least present of mind enough to let him adjust, to breathe until he could handle the friction. When he gave a short nod, Woohyun began to move. They were short, rapid thrusts, and Sunggyu wasn’t sure when they transformed from pain to pleasure.

Maybe the never did.

Maybe the whole time, they were a little of both. His mind was hazy and desperate to comfort Woohyun. When Woohyun was close to coming, he said hoarsely, “Say my name.”

“Woohyun.” Another hard thrust and Sunggyu whimpered. “Woohyun, I love you. Woohyun.”

He kept repeating Woohyun’s name because he knew he had to hear it. Woohyun wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s chest and laced their fingers together as he came. His other hand, which had been jerking Sunggyu off to the rhythms of his thrusts, picked up speed until Sunggyu came too with a muffled cry.

Woohyun caught Sunggyu’s release in his hand so that it wouldn’t stain the walls. As Sunggyu slumped against the wall in exhaustion, Woohyun muttered, “tissue,” and began to look around the room for one.

Sunggyu looked at him with heavily lidded eyes, then grabbed his hand. He slowly brought it up to his face and gently licked the cum from it in long laps, never looking away. Woohyun swallowed dryly.

“I love you.” Woohyun’s voice cracked as he pulled Sunggyu close to bury his face in his neck. He breathed in Sunggyu’s familiar scent of cheap cologne and the faint smell of cigarettes that still clung to all his clothes.

Sunggyu stroked the hair on the back of his head and closed his eyes. “I know. I know.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

Sunggyu inhaled sharply. It was hard to speak past the lump in his throat as he said, “Idiot. Who said anything about leaving?”

After a quiet moment like that, Woohyun pulled back. He sniffled, and Sunggyu pretended not to see the wetness in his eyes. “I need to get back to the café.”

“Go,” Sunggyu said softly. “I’m going to stay back to clean myself up, then I’ll head upstairs. I’ll be waiting for you when you get home.”

“Sunggyu, I--”

“It’s okay, Woohyun. Just go. I’ll still be here.”

Woohyun gave him one last doubtful look before re-doing his zipper and exiting the room. Sunggyu stared sadly at the closed door.

They’d talk about it some other time.

***

The next evening, Sunggyu went out drinking with Bora. He had to get away from Woohyun’s guilty conscience before it drove him insane. He flagged the bartender down for two whiskeys. He needed a drink badly that night.

“Woah, take it easy Gyu,” she said as Sunggyu drained half his glass in one go. “What’s up with you tonight? Is it Junhyung?”

Sunggyu sighed. “I guess you could say that.”

She rolled her eyes and took another sip of whiskey. “I knew he was up to no good when he came to see you last night. Did he say something stupid?”

“No, he--” Sunggyu laughed quietly to himself. “He gave me an offer I can’t refuse. Or shouldn’t refuse, I guess.”

She turned towards him in interest. “And what was that?”

Sunggyu stared into his glass as he said quietly, “He offered to let me open for him on tour.”

“Sunggyu, that’s--” Her eyes widened. “That’s amazing.”

“I know,” he said. He looked at her sadly. “His label could offer to sign me afterwards. I could be a soloist. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the top 40s, but people would know me. I’d get to play all across the country.”

“Then why haven’t you said yes?” she asked, furrowing her brows. “It’s the least he could do for ruining our chances as a group.”

Sunggyu smiled softly. “That’s what Junhyung said.” Bora frowned to herself. Sunggyu continued, “I need to talk it over with…  _ someone _ first. The thing is though… I don’t even know if I want to say yes.”

“What the hell are you talking about? This has been your dream since you were eighteen,” she said angrily.

Sunggyu sighed. “I know, but I’m not eighteen anymore. I don’t know if I want it because I actually want it or if I want it because it’s what I  _ should _ want.”

“Oh. That’s a tough one then,” she said, leaning back in her seat. She looked at him thoughtfully. “So you’re going to talk it over with this  _ someone _ , and then decide?”

“Yeah,” Sunggyu replied. “I have obligations here, Bora. I can’t just… walk away. I have students who would need to find a new teacher. I... I’d be away for months at a time.”

“I know you and Woohyun are fucking,” she said bluntly. Sunggyu sputtered, spitting out his drink and going into a coughing fit. She laughed, “Don’t act so surprised. I’ve known you for six years, Gyu, and I had to watch you and Junhyung pretend you weren’t fucking for pretty much all of them.”

Sunggyu groaned, hiding his scarlet face in his hands. “You could have said something.”

“I was  _ hoping _ you’d just tell me,” she said. “It’s fine though. You’re Sunggyu the soloist who doesn’t need anybody--except his boyfriend now, apparently. What more did I expect?”

“Not funny,” he muttered, willing his cheeks to cool down. He groaned. “So yeah, I’d be away from Woohyun for months at a time. Some people can handle long distance, Bora. Woohyun isn’t one of them. What do I do?”

Bora swirled the contents of her glass as she thought. “I really don’t know. It’s not my decision to make anyway. It would change your whole life, Gyu.”

Sunggyu sighed. “I keep thinking about what I’ll do if Woohyun says no--what  _ we’ll _ do. He… he’s sensitive to these kinds of things.”

“What if he says yes?” she asked. Sunggyu looked at her in astonishment. “I’m serious. What if he says yes? What will you do?” Sunggyu furrowed his brows and looked down at the counter. “You keep saying that like it’s inevitable.”

“It is though,” Sunggyu insisted, “Woohyun will feel like I’m running away. He’s afraid of me leaving him. I already left him once before.”

“Maybe he would have felt like that in the past,” she said, “but the fact that you’re even letting him in on the decision is proof that you’ve changed. Maybe he’s changed too.”

“People don’t change that easily.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think they do,” she said, resting her chin on her open palm. “I think we’re changing all the time. It’s accepting the change that’s the hard part.” Sunggyu was quiet at that as he turned her words over in his head. After a while, she continued, “You know what I think? I don’t think you’re running from Woohyun. You just don’t want to make a choice.”

Sunggyu scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If Woohyun says no, you’ll just give up and stay with him,” she said, jabbing a finger at his chest. “You’ve grown soft like that. You  _ want _ him to say no so that if you regret your decision later, you can just blame him.”

“I’d never do that,” he growled. “I love him.”

“I’m sure you do. What about ten years from now? Twenty?” She gestured vaguely in the air. “One day you’ll be arguing, and it’ll slip out, even if it’s not true. You’ll say it because you know it’ll hurt him.” Sunggyu felt his throat grow tight with the truth of her words. “And from what you’ve told me about Woohyun, he’ll believe it. Once you’ve said it, he’ll never stop being paranoid.”

“That doesn’t help me figure out what I should do,” he said, growing frustrated. None of this was helping, not at all.

“No,” she admitted, “It doesn’t. But you can’t let Woohyun or me or Junhyung or anyone else decide for you.” She turned towards him in her seat. “I don’t care which you choose Gyu. Just make sure it’s  _ your _ choice.”

Sunggyu sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe… maybe we could work something out. Woohyun’s not good with long distance, but, I don’t know, we could video call and I could move in with him when I’m not on tour.”

Bora tilted her head, but didn’t respond. Instead, she asked, “Why do you want to stay? That’s the one thing I don’t understand.”

“It’s… it’s something I can’t put into words,” Sunggyu said. “I just know that I want to, at least just as badly as I want to go.”

Bora threw back her head and finished off her drink. “I guess you better figure it out.”

***

Woohyun poured himself another drink as he listened patiently to his father retelling some story on the phone one evening. It was late, and Sunggyu hadn’t returned home yet, but had said that he and Woohyun needed to talk when he did.

Woohyun pushed down his nerves and forced a cheerful tone. “That’s hilarious, Dad. I’m glad your new neighbors quieted down, even if you did have to call the police.”

His father laughed once again. Woohyun could hear the smile in his voice when he asked, “How have you been, Woohyun?”

“Been better.” Woohyun tightened his grip around his glass. “The rehearsal for Mom’s wedding is tomorrow.”

“Tell her I wish her luck,” his father replied.

Woohyun gritted his teeth. “How can you even say that?”

“Fine!” he admitted. “I forgot the gift until the last minute, but it should be there by mail the day after the wedding!”

Woohyun felt a terrible frustration grip at his heart as he raised his voice. “That’s not what I meant!” He made several unsuccessful attempts to calm himself. “How can you be okay with this? She’s marrying  _ that man  _ and you’re acting like everything’s okay!”

“What do you want me to say, Woohyun? We’re not married anymore.”

“She left us!” he shouted. “Why does everyone else think that’s okay?”

His father was quiet for a moment, then he asked, “Woohyun, are  _ you _ okay?” His voice grew concerned as he hesitated to say, “You’ve been acting rather strange lately. Is something bothering you?”

“I’m the only one acting  _ normal _ about this,” Woohyun groaned. “I just thought you of all people might understand.”

“It’s just… This was never an issue before.”

“Am I not allowed to get mad about this?” Woohyun scoffed and rolled his eyes. “She never planned to get  _ remarried _ before.”

“You’re allowed to be uncomfortable with change, son, but you’re being awfully defensive.” His father paused for a moment. “Are you sure this isn’t about something else?”

“I’m sure,” he said through gritted teeth. “You know what? I don’t know why I expected this conversation to turn out differently. Maybe I’m just crazy for feeling like she shouldn’t just be given a free pass for everything.”

“It’s called forgiveness, not a free pass.” His father sighed. “Woohyun-ah, people fall out of love. That doesn’t mean I can’t feel happy for her that she’s moving on.”

“She cheated on you! You didn’t deserve that; you did everything for her!”

Woohyun’s father snorted. “I’ll decide what I did or didn’t deserve, thank you very much. And she didn’t just abandon you, remember? She offered to let you come with her, but you chose to stay with me.”

“What choice did I have?” Woohyun stood up to pace the kitchen, tugging at his hair in frustration. “I was already doing poorly in school, and I had friends and a band and soccer and a  _ life _ there. How could I even consider moving to fucking Busan and being the third wheel with her and her new boyfriend?”

“Which is why you  _ chose _ to stay with me,” his father chided. “Woohyun-ah, you keep saying that it’s all her fault, but do you think you’re at fault too?”

Woohyun pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we not talk about this?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not to blame for this--”

“I know!” Woohyun snapped. “And she left anyway!” He rubbed his temples where he felt a headache coming. He downed the rest of his drink and sighed heavily. “I’ve got to go, Dad.”

His father paused for a moment, unsure. “Okay, Woohyun-ah. Call me if you need to talk.”

“Okay, Dad,” he said quietly. “I will.”

Woohyun stared at his phone in silence until the screen went black. His reflection in the darkened screen was dim, but he could see the disorderly mess of his hair and the tired lines on his face. He closed his eyes and sighed, hitting the edge of the phone against his forehead.

Woohyun felt like he was slowly going crazy. Sunggyu had been right, but knowing one was crazy and being able to stop it from happening were two totally different things.

He just felt so angry, and scared, all the time, and it was like the truth of the matter was shrouded in some dark cloak, its true form constantly mutating so as to obscure itself from him. It was a mirage, and some days it took the form of his mother, her marriage, the café, and of Sunggyu.

It was like a dark monster gripping at his heart, causing the loss of all rational thought. He knew it was there, but like childhood monsters the source of it was still unknown.

Woohyun looked up as he heard Sunggyu enter. Sunggyu put his jacket away in silence and walked over to him, resting a hand gently on his shoulder. His voice was soft. “How was work today?”

Woohyun looked at his glass which he’d refilled since hanging up with his father and drank deeply from it. He laughed humorlessly. “Fine. Where have you been?”

“Meeting up with some friends from my army days.” Sunggyu frowned. “You’ve been drinking.”

It wasn’t a question, so Woohyun didn’t treat it like one. He ignored it, and said, “The wedding rehearsal is tomorrow.”

Sunggyu hesitated. “And you and your brother will be the best men?”

“Do I have any choice?” Woohyun replied, gripping his glass harder.

“Yes,” Sunggyu sighed, taking the glass from him. “You could just not show up, but that would be rather cowardly, wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t want to forgive her,” Woohyun croaked. He brought his hand up to squeeze Sunggyu’s where it still rested on his shoulder. “Why did she have to do this? Just showing up again and forcing me to forgive her.”

Sunggyu winced. His voice was gentle as he said, “I still think you should.”

“You and everyone else,” Woohyun said sadly. “It still hurts.”

“I know it does,” Sunggyu said, moving his arms to wrap them around Woohyun’s shoulders, “I know, but you have to try.”

Sunggyu looked at him with an unreadable expression. Woohyun stared back, a little sad and confused. He seemed small, like the world that day had forced him to become small. He asked shakily, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sunggyu sighed. “Woohyun, we need to talk.”

“You sound so serious,” Woohyun said, laughing nervously. Sunggyu led him over to the couch and sat him down.

“Woohyun, I--” Sunggyu paused and tried again. “I--”

“Sunggyu,” Woohyun said, his chest filling with dread, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he said quickly, grabbing Woohyun’s hands in his. “Not yet, anyway. I just…” He turned to look more fully at Woohyun. “I got an offer.”

Woohyun breathed out a sigh of relief. “An offer? What kind? You know I don’t care if you play at other venues.”

“That’s the thing, Woohyun,” he said, “It’s a bit bigger than just playing another venue. Do you remember Junhyung?” Woohyun tensed, bile rising in his throat. He nodded tightly. Sunggyu continued, “He’s going on a national tour, and he wants me to open for him.”

“Gyu, that’s… what did you tell him?”

“Nothing, yet,” Sunggyu replied. “I told him I wanted to talk it over with you.”

Woohyun smiled softly. “Thank you.”

Sunggyu didn’t return the smile. He said quietly, “It would be a five week tour. Then, if everything goes well, his company will ask me to tour with him again in Japan for two months about ten days after we get back.”

Woohyun inhaled sharply. “That would be--”

“That’s not all,” Sunggyu said. He squeezed Woohyun’s hands and looked him in the eyes, willing him to not freak out. “Woohyun, he said that if the crowds like me enough, they’ll sign me. They’ll make me an solo artist.”

Woohyun’s expression faltered. “W-What would that mean?”

“It means--” Sunggyu swallowed dryly and tried again. “It means that I’d come back, and I’d go straight to the studio to re-record all my original stuff, so they can throw an album together. They’d print and release it, and then I’d have my own tour, and interviews, and…” His eyes flickered down. “It’d mean I’d be on the road at least nine or ten months out of the year for at least the first few years.”

Woohyun frowned and withdrew his hands from Sunggyu’s. “You’re going to decline, right?”

“Woohyun--”

“You can’t go!” he shouted, pulling back completely.

“You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” Sunggyu pleaded.

“All I’m asking is that you tell him no,” Woohyun spat, “and for once in your life put someone besides yourself first!”

Sunggyu’s expression darkened. “You don’t get to just tell me what to do.”

“You don’t get to just leave!” he yelled. “You can’t do that to me again.”

Sunggyu’s face fell. “This isn’t like back then.”

“This is exactly like back then! You haven’t changed one fucking bit.” Woohyun stood up and began angrily pacing the living room.

“I haven’t even said yes,” Sunggyu snapped. “You’re acting like I’m leaving tomorrow!”

“So you  _ are _ leaving?” Woohyun asked quietly.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Sunggyu replied. They were both quiet for a moment. He said, “I wanted to talk it over with you, not have you make my decision for me. It’d only be bad for a few years, then things will calm down, and--”

“And what?” Woohyun looked at him with a pained expression. “You’ll only be away for six months out of the year instead of nine or ten? Are you asking me to wait for you?”

“I’m asking you not to give up on me,” he pleaded. “Don’t give up on us.”

Woohyun looked at him sadly. “That’s the problem, Gyu. I never will.” He sighed and shook his head. “Sunggyu, I have loved you since I was sixteen years old. Even when you left me in that shitty town, I loved you. Even now, when you’re asking permission to leave me again, I love you. If you ask me to wait for you, I will, but, please,” Woohyun sat back down on the couch and grabbed his hands, “please understand that it’s a lot to ask of me too.”

Sunggyu sat there in silence, stunned. He exhaled heavily. “So what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” Woohyun said quietly. He withdrew his hands back into his own lap and looked down. “Just don’t ask me to wait for you anymore.”

“So that’s it?” Sunggyu tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. “You want to break up?” Woohyun didn’t respond. “If I leave, we’re just done? You don’t even want to try?”

“I’ve seen this road, Gyu, and I know how it ends,” he said. “Please don’t make me go down it. I know you; you’ll get so engrossed in what you’re doing because you love it that you’ll forget to call me once.” Woohyun’s voice cracked, and Sunggyu felt like he’d been punched. “Then once will turn into twice, and I’ll always be thinking about those  _ what if _ s in the back of my mind.”

Sunggyu’s chest grew tight at the implication. “Woohyun, I’d never cheat on you.”

“You say that now,” he said, “but you’ll be with Junhyung, and he’ll be  _ easy _ and  _ there _ , and we’ll have been apart for months and you’ll both be drunk...” Woohyun’s voice grew tight. “Or maybe I’ll be the drunk one, and I’ll do it just to spite you.”

“You can’t know that,” Sunggyu said, voice dangerously low. He curled his hand into a fist in anger. “You’re not a fucking fortune teller!”

“No, but I’m  _ scared _ , Gyu.” Sunggyu looked and saw that Woohyun’s hands were shaking. “I’m terrified! I don’t want us to hurt each other, so it’s better we make a clean break like this than to spend years trapped in a relationship that’s going nowhere.”

“Going nowhere?” Sunggyu scoffed. He shook his head. “Maybe you’re right then.” He pushed himself up to stand and looked down at Woohyun, who had his head hung in shame. “You know, I still haven’t decided, but--” He took a deep breath. “I’m not going to force a relationship on someone who thinks it’s ‘going nowhere.’”

Woohyun was silent as Sunggyu angrily grabbed his things. He threw on his jacket and stopped at the door. He looked back at Woohyun. “You don’t get to say I’m the one running away this time.”

Woohyun didn’t flinch as Sunggyu slammed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah, if you guys wanna talk i'm also on twitter @eufoeria ! i don't really know/follow that many inspirit aside from fansites, so it gets a little bit lonely lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe this is over. I'm just... stunned and emotional right now AHAHA. I'm also REALLY nervous about posting it, so I really hope you guys like it ;;; I've been working on this series since late-June, and hardly a day has gone by that I wasn't thinking about this in some capacity. I'm glad it's over though; I'm excited to move on to new things! I hope you guys are satisfied with the ending... beware of the long, sappy, reflective author's note at the end

Sunggyu breathed deeply into the night air, heart still pounding after his confrontation with Woohyun. Honestly, what had he been thinking?

He knew he and Woohyun didn’t work as a couple. He knew that. He knew they were no good together, but he hadn’t been satisfied with just being friends. Like a child, he’d thought he could have it all--Woohyun the friend, Woohyun the boyfriend.

It was just--Sunggyu had thought, was all, that things might be different. Despite self-aggrandizing claims to the contrary, he knew he wasn’t the most sensitive guy on the planet, but he was trying. Attempting to pinpoint blame was useless. Sunggyu just wondered why the universe had deemed fit to lead them to each other again, knowing they were destined to fail.

Sunggyu leaned heavily against a brick wall, not sure where to go next. When he heard the familiar ringing of his cell phone, he cursed and answered it.

“What do you want, Junhyung?” Sunggyu snapped.

“Hey, take it easy,” he warned. “I just wanted to see if you had an answer for me.”

Sunggyu laughed breathlessly. “No, I don’t-- I don’t have an answer for you, fuck.” Sunggyu clenched his eyes shut to keep his tears from falling. “I don’t know anything, apparently.”

Junhyung was silent at the other end of the line. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Sunggyu sighed heavily and scuffed his shoe on the pavement. “I want a smoke.”

Shortly after, Sunggyu found himself in Junhyung’s apartment being led to the window overlooking the neighboring building’s roof. He lived in the upper level of one of the older houses in the outskirts of the city, where the high rises hadn’t reached yet. The window led out to a nearly flat rooftop with uneven shingles, tucked neatly behind the taller building so that the space couldn’t be seen from the well-lit street, and it was the ideal place for a smoke.

Junhyung grabbed a bottle of something strong from the kitchen counter. They climbed quietly out the dirty window and sat cross-legged on the uncomfortable rooftop. Junhyung held the cigarette up to Sunggyu’s lips and held it in place as he lit it. 

Sunggyu sighed a smoky exhale as he closed his eyes and felt the nicotine flood his body. He laid down flat on his back, causing Junhyung to laugh lowly and pass him the bottle. “Rough day?”

“You have no idea,” Sunggyu said quietly. He took another deep drag and let his muscles relax.

“What happened?” Junhyung contemplated him in the darkness as Sunggyu drank the liquor a little too fast. “Did you tell Woohyun?”

Sunggyu peeked at him wordlessly from beneath heavy lids. He gave a small smile. “How did you know?”

“I had a hunch,” Junhyung shrugged. Sunggyu passed the bottle back and he took a swig. “Not much gets under your skin, but he’s apparently the exception. I’m guessing he didn’t take the news well?”

“There wasn’t even any news,” Sunggyu groaned. “I told him I hadn’t decided yet, but he freaked out and gave me an ultimatum.”

Junhyung hummed sympathetically and passed the bottle back. “You should look at this as a good thing, Gyu. Take the deal. Tour with me.”

Sunggyu took another long drink and thought about it, what his life might be. A new city every day, different people every day--except for Junhyung. Junhyung would always be right there, goading him on to some irresponsible act or other. It would be like old times, except it wouldn’t, because Sunggyu knew what else was out there.

He’d tasted a life with Woohyun, with a place and person to come home to, the comforting monotony of normality. With Junhyung’s offer within his grasp, it felt wrong to want that too.

Sunggyu felt Junhyung’s hand cover his where it held on to the neck of the liquor bottle. Sunggyu noticed with a daze that it was half-empty, and he wondered vaguely where the rest had gone. Junhyung removed it carefully from his grasp.

“So you two are over?” Junhyung asked, setting the bottle aside.

Sunggyu stared sadly up at the night sky. “I don’t know, I--” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. He sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. “He said we were ‘going nowhere.’”

Junhyung tentatively put an arm around Sunggyu’s shoulders, and Sunggyu leaned into the touch. He closed his eyes and breathed, feeling himself growing sleepier due to the combination of alcohol and mental exhaustion. He wouldn’t have minded another cigarette.

Junhyung’s voice was low and quiet when he said, “Just come with me, Gyu.”

Sunggyu furrowed his brows, but said nothing. He didn’t know what to say, and it was so hard to think clearly at the moment. He felt Junhyung’s hand slip lower down to his waist. He sensed a certain wrongness in the air, but didn’t catch on until Junhyung pinned him down by his shoulders and climbed on top of him.

Sunggyu didn’t resist as Junhyung pressed open-mouthed kisses against his neck, starting from the junction just behind his ear. He frowned, noticing that the sensations that had once felt like a pleasant escape only made him feel dirty now, and slightly sick to his stomach.

Sunggyu sobered instantly as Junhyung slipped a hand under his shirt. He squirmed, trying to get away, but his body was slow to respond through the haze of intoxication. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Stop,” he gasped. “Please stop.”

Junhyung whispered into his ear, “You’re not together anymore, so it’s fine, right?” He pressed another kiss against his neck and gently ground his knee against Sunggyu’s crotch until he heard him groan in automatic response. “You need to relax, Gyu.”

Sunggyu stopped struggling for a moment, and Junhyung took that chance to push Sunggyu’s shirt up to his chest, letting his thumbs brush against his nipples. Sunggyu tried to close his eyes and relax, to let himself enjoy this like he’d enjoyed the countless other times he’d come to Junhyung for break-up sex, but it was like Woohyun’s face was tattooed on the inside of his eyelids. He felt despair at the realization that he didn’t feel like he’d broken up with Woohyun--some small, traitorous part of him wanted to go back to him.

Sunggyu felt anger claw at his chest. He shoved Junhyung off of him and pushed himself up. “Just back off,” he spat. “I told you nothing was decided yet.”

“What isn’t decided?” Junhyung said, pushing himself up as well. “Are you going to give up your dream to go teach snotty little kids and wannabe idols how to sing, all so you can be with some guy you think you’re in love with?”

“Will you stop belittling everything I fucking do?” Sunggyu pleaded. His chest hurt, everything hurt, like Junhyung was trying to drive an ice pick into the deepest part of him.

Junhyung scoffed. “It’s not belittling you when I know you could do better.” Sunggyu rolled his eyes and began to walk away. Junhyung groaned in frustration and grabbed his wrist to keep him from leaving. “You’re better than this! You’re better than playing a crowd of less than a hundred at some shitty little café every week while you barely make ends meet teaching brats and pathetic adults how to play the piano.”

“What if I’m not?!” Sunggyu replied. “You know, over the past few months, I’ve never once thought ‘Why do I need to live like this?’ I was  _ happy _ , Junhyung. Really happy.”

“You were complacent,” he said. “You found an easy way out, just gave up and decided to live a boring little life with your boring little boyfriend.”

Something inside Sunggyu’s chest squeezed painfully. It wasn’t like him to be affected by Junhyung’s words like this. He got angry, yes, but rarely hurt. He knew Junhyung could be mean or prickly, and he had grown used to it, but this was something else--something uglier. Or perhaps Junhyung had always been this ugly, Sunggyu thought, and he had only come to realize that in his absence.

“That’s not it,” Sunggyu said. “That’s not it at all.”

He shrugged out of Junhyung’s grip and climbed back through the window. Junhyung tried to stop him, but he shrugged off his pleas wordlessly.

Sunggyu ambled down the night street, wondering what to do next. The trains had stopped running, and he was a long way from his apartment.

He wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking, going back to Junhyung’s place. He knew now that Junhyung made him act strangely, and he became someone he didn’t like--someone who was reckless, with body and soul.

Sunggyu’s head began to hurt, so he decided to stop thinking and call a cab back home.

***

Woohyun awoke the next morning with a dull ache in his head and a heaviness in his chest. The bed next to him was cold. Some part of him had hoped Sunggyu might come back that night, but the bigger part of him knew that would never happen.

It was the day before the wedding. After he and the other groomsmen and bridesmaids sat through a rehearsal that was guaranteed to bore them out of their skulls, there would be a dinner to celebrate the bride and groom. It sounded like a complete nightmare to Woohyun, but he had very little say in the matter.

He trudged to the kitchen to start breakfast before realizing there was no one else to cook breakfast  _ for _ . The  _ clang _ of the frying pan as he threw it back onto the stove top made him flinch. Woohyun sighed and slumped against the oven, slowly sliding down until he sat limply on the cold, tile floor. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, willing himself not to cry.

Sunggyu was really gone, wasn’t he?

Woohyun regretted the ‘going nowhere’ part, but not anything else. He didn’t want to wake up one morning years from now and realize he was trapped in a doomed relationship. He didn’t want to hurt anymore.

He groaned and pushed himself back up. He was restless, so he began to pace. He’d taken the entire day off for the rehearsal, but it didn’t start until the evening anyway, so he was left with very little else to do besides staring at the walls of his too-quiet apartment.

He had the sudden urge to leave and go somewhere, anywhere. He got dressed and grabbed his keys, leaving the drafty apartment behind. The old, beat-up truck parked in the alley behind the café that they used for the occasional supply run beckoned to him.

Woohyun got on the highway and just drove, as far away from that city--from his mother, his brother, from Sunggyu--as he could. After an hour, he realized he was on the highway that led back to his old house. His father’s house.

When Woohyun pulled into the driveway, it was already afternoon.

“Woohyun?” his father asked, squinting at him as if he were a mirage as he answered the door. “What are you doing here?”

Woohyun cleared his throat. “Just visiting, Dad.”

His father looked at him skeptically, but after a moment nodded his assent and let him inside. He led him to sit in the living room.

The downstairs had been remodeled. It was cozier now, more lived-in, but Woohyun supposed that’s what happens when you stop working eighty hour weeks. His father shuffled to the kitchen to start some tea.

“So what really brings you all the way out here?” his father called.

Woohyun’s eyes tracked his father’s figure as he walked back into the living room. “I told you I’m just visiting.”

“You sounded upset on the phone last night,” his father replied. He grinned at Woohyun. “I may be old, but I’m not stupid.”

Woohyun looked down at his lap. “I really don’t want to go to the wedding.”

“What else is new?” his father snorted. “Now tell me what’s really bothering you. You’ve been upset about the wedding for months, but this is the first time you’ve felt compelled to run away.”

“I’m not running away,” Woohyun said angrily. “And it’s the day of the fucking rehearsal. Why wouldn’t I be upset about that?”

“Fine,” his father replied. “If you want to keep lying to yourself, that’s not my problem, but you better show up to the damn wedding.”

“Whatever,” he muttered. He clenched his jaw as he stared at the opposite wall. Woohyun could feel his father’s eyes on him, waiting for him to say something. He sighed. “Why did you and Mom break up?”

His father’s brows shot up. “You’re asking that  _ now _ ?” He shrugged and sank down into the armchair. “We grew apart.”

“She cheated,” Woohyun insisted stubbornly.

“Woohyun.” His father looked at him seriously. “We were done long before your mother cheated.”

“But she--”

“We were over around the time you entered high school,” his father continued. “We wanted to stay together until you graduated, at least, but your mother fell in love. I can’t blame her for wanting to be with him.”

“What?” Woohyun asked breathlessly. He felt like he’d been punched.

“We didn’t break up because she cheated, and we didn’t break up because we were working long hours.” His father looked thoughtfully at some point in the distance, remembering days long past. “We just… gave up.”

Woohyun sat there quietly, unable to respond. His father looked at him sadly. “At some point I guess we decided it was too time consuming to keep up the relationship. That, plus the distance--We really did just drift apart, Woohyun.”

“Just… like that?” Woohyun looked at his father in confusion.

“Listen, kid,” his father said, “I know I’m not exactly an expert in love or anything, but I at least have the benefit of experience. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that love isn’t something you do just once.” He leaned forward in his armchair. “You don’t just go ‘oh, I think I’m just going to love this person for the rest of my life.’ Love is a choice.”

Woohyun swallowed around the tightness in his throat. His father continued, “It’s something both people decide to do every single day. It’s hard, and it’s exhausting, and sometimes we’re just better off without it, but--” Woohyun felt a terrible aching in his chest. “Sometimes, it’s worth it, right? I mean, loving your mother may not have worked out, but it gave me you. I know I haven’t always been there for you--”

“No, Dad, it’s fine,” Woohyun interjected, quelling any apologies from his father.

“If you can forgive me for that, why can’t you forgive your mother?” his father pleaded. “Yes, she should have waited until the divorce was finalized, but, Woohyun-ah, it was one mistake, one for which you’ve been punishing her for ten years now.”

Woohyun stared guiltily down at his hands which were folded carefully in his lap. He hunched his shoulders in a way that made him appear small. “Okay,” he said quietly, “I’ll try.”

“Good.” His father leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face. “Since I’m in a generous mood, is there anything else you need my sage wisdom in?”

Woohyun’s eyes darted downwards nervously. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “Um, it’s just--” He cleared his throat. “There’s this… person.”

“Oh?” His father’s eyebrows shot up in amusement.

“Why am I even talking about this?” Woohyun groaned suddenly, tugging at his hair in distress.

Woohyun’s father laughed. “Don’t be embarrassed! I missed all these conversations when you were in high school. It’s refreshing.”

Woohyun scowled. “It’s just… I really like this person, but I’m afraid, I guess.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of growing apart,” he said. “Of cheating, of distance--I don’t know. I’m kind of scared of everything.”

His father’s face softened. “You don’t want to end up like your mother and me?”

“It sounds awful, but--” Woohyun looked at him sadly. “I don’t want to grow apart and have to go to their wedding ten years from now.”

“You can’t know what’s going to happen, son,” his father said quietly. “You and I aren’t the same person. You can do better.”

Woohyun nodded thoughtfully as he considered his words. At that moment, the kettle sounded.

“Looks like the tea is ready,” his father said, pushing himself up out of the armchair. “Stay for a cup, then you need to book it back to the city if you want to make the rehearsal on time.”

Woohyun’s chest felt a bit lighter when he nodded his head.

***

“Get up.”

Sunggyu scowled at Sungjong who was standing over him from where he lay on the couch. Sungjong rolled his eyes and repeated, “Get up already.”

“No,” Sunggyu replied, turning onto his side so that he faced the back of the sofa.

Sungjong shook his shoulder roughly. “You are being  _ such _ a baby! Stop sulking.”

“I’m not sulking,” Sunggyu snapped, shaking the hand off. “I’m thinking.”

“You can think outside,” Sungjong said, “or in your room, or in the kitchen, anywhere else really.” When Sunggyu didn’t respond, he groaned in frustration. “Fine! I’ll move you myself.”

Sungjong wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s shoulders and tried to lift him up, and Sunggyu went limp like a dead weight. After a minute or two of struggle, Sungjong managed to get him to sit up. “Sometimes I really can’t believe you’re older than me.”

“Stop being disrespectful,” Sunggyu chided, eyes narrowed. He went to lay back down, but Sungjong yelped and scrambled to sit on that side of the couch so that Sunggyu simply slumped against his shoulder.

“You’re so high maintenance.” Sungjong pushed his hair back and relaxed into the couch. “No wonder Woohyun dumped you.”

Sunggyu’s eyes went wide. “What the hell do you mean?”

“Oh, please, you’re about as subtle as a billboard,” Sungjong snorted.

Sunggyu reached over to pinch his side. “Be nice.”

“You be nice,” Sungjong replied sharply. “So what did you do to make Woohyun pissed at you?”

“Nothing,” Sunggyu muttered, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Aw, don’t worry, hyung,” Sungjong said, “you’ll always have me.”

“Is that supposed to reassure me?”

Sungjong nudged his shoulder playfully. “Oh please, you’re hopeless without me.”

“Just leave me alone to think, will you?” Sunggyu groaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

He slumped lifelessly against Sungjong’s side as Sungjong stared at him in amusement. “Fine, then tell me what you’re thinking about.”

Sunggyu hummed thoughtfully. “I’m thinking about… time travel.”

Sungjong laughed. “Fine, don’t tell me,” he said, reaching for the remote, “but if you want to stew in your cryptic little answers, you’ll have to move or put up with me and my shows.”

Truthfully, Sunggyu  _ was _ thinking about time travel, or something like that. Leaving Woohyun’s apartment had caused him to become overwhelmed by an immense feeling of déjà vu.

He’d been dumped before, and he had a routine. He’d get drunk, cry about it, then sleep with Junhyung to make himself feel better. After that, he could start picking up the pieces of himself again. This time it was different, because things with Woohyun were always different.

He’d strayed from the natural course of things, one of those inevitable cycles of life, and now he felt himself enveloped in a sense of stillness. It was like time had stopped. The world around him continued as normal, but things were muffled somehow, dulled, and Sunggyu didn’t feel like he was a part of it. He was, for lack of a better word, stuck. The world as he knew it had frozen around him, caught in a perpetual state of limbo as it waited to see what he’d do next.

Sunggyu was lost.

There was no roadmap for him to follow, no patterns he could fall back into. He knew if he went back to Junhyung, things would go back to normal. History would repeat itself and in that way continue on. If he didn’t… Sunggyu didn’t know what would happen, and that scared him.

He jerked out of his stupor when his phone rang. He dug around for it in the couch cushions and answered it just before it went to voicemail.

“Sunggyu?” His sister’s voice crackled at the other end of the line. “Are you there?”

“Yes, I’m--” Sunggyu shook his head to clear it. “What’s up?”

“You need to come home, Gyu,” she said quietly.

Sunggyu frowned. “You know Mom won’t let me in the apartment. It’s not even a holiday.”

“It’s not that, Gyu, it’s…” She sighed. “Mom’s in the hospital.”

“What?” Sunggyu felt panic grip at his heart. He tried to keep his voice from shaking. “What happened?”

“The doctors said it’s a really bad case of pneumonia,” she replied. “And she’s getting older, Gyu. And the cigarettes… they don’t know if she’s going to make it.”

Sunggyu’s hands trembled as he clenched the phone harder. He nodded shakily.

“I’ll get on the next train home.”

***

Woohyun stumbled into the chapel, panting and out of breath. All eyes turned to him and the ambient chatter stopped.

After an uneasy moment, the other participants returned to their previous conversations. Boohyun caught his eye and nodded, heading over to him.

“How gracious of you to join us,” he spat, “We can finally begin.” He looked Woohyun up and down, and Woohyun realized he was severely underdressed. “Is this some new form of protest?”

“I’m sorry,” Woohyun blurted. Boohyun’s eyebrows shot up. “I mean it. Really.”

Boohyun’s face softened. “We haven’t been waiting that long,” he said softly, “I’ll go tell Mom we can start.”

Woohyun sighed in relief and went to find his place in front of the pulpit. As his mother walked through the front door, she smiled brightly at him. Woohyun couldn’t help but smile back.

The rehearsal took about half an hour total. It wasn’t a particularly elaborate ceremony, and Woohyun wasn’t really required to do anything besides stand next to his brother at the front of the room. Woohyun couldn’t hide the light flush in his cheeks as his mother kept sneaking glances at him.

He was saved from having to go all the way back to his apartment when his brother let him borrow his clothes for dinner. They had reserved a private room at the expensive restaurant at the top level of the hotel where the reception would be held after the ceremony the next day. The bride and groom were to be seated together near the head of the table, with Woohyun and his brother at either side.

Woohyun gently grabbed his mother’s wrist as the rest of the dinner guests took their seats. Boohyun looked at him strangely but he waved him off to go take his seat by the groom. His mother nodded at her fiancé as he passed.

“What’s wrong, Woohyun-ah?” she asked, concern evident in her features as her eyes searched his face.

Woohyun swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.” Her eyebrows shot up, clearly not expecting his answer. Woohyun stepped closer to her, raising his arm to gently grip her bicep. “I… I went to see Dad.”

“Oh…” She exhaled heavily, then hesitantly asked, “And how--how is he?”

“He’s good, Mom,” he replied, smiling. “He wishes you luck.” Those words put a slight smile on her face. “You can have it.” She knitted her brows together in confusion at his words. “My blessing, that is.”

Her expression softened immediately. “Thank you, baby. I know this is hard for you.”

“It’s been hard on everyone,” he said quietly. “I didn’t have to make it so hard on you. You’re happy, right?”

“I’m very happy. I’m so,  _ so  _ happy,” she said, eyes welling up with tears. Woohyun began to panic as he looked around for a tissue of some kind.

He grabbed a handkerchief from one of the wait staff and held it up to her face for her to dab her eyes dry. “Jeez, Mom, you’re gonna make me feel bad.”

She sniffled and nodded. “I hope you find someone, Woohyun-ah, someone who makes you feel this happy. I hope you find them and never let go.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he said sadly, “but how will I know when I’ve found them?”

“It’ll all feel worth it,” she replied softly. “You’ll realize every bad thing or good thing that has happened in your life has led up to this, and you won’t regret a single one of them.” She reached out to straighten his tie. “I’ll always be thankful to your father. He gave me you, he gave me a few happy years, and he gave me  _ this _ .”

Woohyun swallowed dryly. “And you think you’ll be together forever? You’ll always be this happy?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “and I do know that things won’t always be this happy. We can’t predict the future, Woohyun-ah, but we can go after what we want and hope for the best. If things don’t work out, well,” she shrugged, “you’ll find another something eventually that will have made it worth it.”

Woohyun nodded, throat tight. He coughed awkwardly. “We should take our seats.”

His mother took his arm as he offered it to her and took her seat at the head of the table. Boohyun looked across at him and gave him a subtle nod of approval. Woohyun cleared his throat.

“I’d like to propose a toast.”

***

Sunggyu broke into a jog when he finally reached the ICU. He spotted his sister waiting outside the door to their mother’s room, her shoulders slumped in exhaustion.

“Noona!” Sunggyu waved as she lifted her head. “How is she?”

“Not good,” she said quietly, “but if she makes it through the night, the doctors are really optimistic.”

Sunggyu nodded and reached his hand out carefully to rest on his sister’s arm. She sobbed once, then pulled him into a tight hug. Sunggyu wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder. His chest felt heavy.

“You need to get some rest,” he murmured.

She sobbed again and sniffled. “No, I’m fine. I’m fine. Do you want to go in and see her?”

Sunggyu nodded silently and took her hand as she led him into the room. He felt his lip tremble at the sight of her hooked up to so many machines. He took a hesitant step forward and grabbed her hand. It was warmer than he’d ever remembered it being before.

He squeezed it tightly. “Mom, I came home. Well, I haven’t been back to the apartment because I know you don’t want me there--” He paused as his sister sobbed again, his own voice threatening to break. “--but I’m here if you need me.”

Sunggyu prayed for some sign she had heard him, he waited for her to squeeze his hand back, but nothing happened. He felt his sister slip her arm around his shoulders. “Let’s step out for a bit, Gyu.”

She took him downstairs to the cafeteria, but neither were particularly hungry. They picked at a tray of unappetizing food and sat there in silence.

Sunggyu cleared his throat. “So how are things?”

“Good,” she said. “Really good. Changwoo is with the kids at home. They’re doing well.”

“I’m glad,” Sunggyu said softly. “I want you to be happy here.”

She smiled. “It took a while to get there, but yeah. I’m really happy.”

“Do you ever regret it?” he blurted. Her eyes widened at the question. “Not staying in Seoul, I mean.”

She hummed thoughtfully, tapping her nails on the table. “I do and I don’t. You can’t help but think about the path not taken, you know?” She sighed and smiled to herself. “But here is where I met my husband and where I had my kids, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

“But if you could go back,” Sunggyu insisted, “would you choose to do it again?”

She shrugged helplessly. “We can’t go back in time, Gyu. It’s pointless to think about. There’s no such thing as a right or wrong choice. There are just… the things that happen to us and what we decide to do about them.”

“But if you were given the choice right now to run back to Seoul and work in an important position in a massive company, what would you do?”

“I’d stay, of course,” she replied simply. “I have two kids and a husband here, Gyu.”

“I know it’s selfish,“ he said, “but what if you start to resent them later? How do you know that  _ this _ is what you really want?”

“Because I’m happy here.” She looked at Sunggyu in confusion. “I’d stay because my family here makes me happy in a way Seoul never did. Is there something wrong?”

“No,” Sunggyu said quickly. “No, I just… wanted to know. Thanks for telling me.”

She looked at him skeptically but let the issue rest. Sunggyu went back to picking at his food until she asked, “How are you doing?”

“What?”

“How are you doing?” she repeated. “I realized I never asked you how things are.”

“Oh.” He set down his plastic fork, but didn’t look up. “Fine, I guess.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You guess?”

Sunggyu shrugged helplessly. “Things are… complicated right now.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sunggyu laughed humorlessly. “Things should be great, but they’re not. I got… I got offered an opportunity to do something amazing, but I can’t decide whether or not to take it.”

She looked at him in sympathy. “What’s holding you back?”

“A person,” he said hesitantly, “Well, not just a person--it’s a lot of things. I have a whole life there already, you know? It’s not like when I was eighteen and had nothing to lose.”

“Those decisions get harder as you get older,” she replied.

Sunggyu nodded silently. “I just… don’t want to not take it because of something that’s not going to work out.”

His sister hummed in sympathy. “You should consider all the ways your life will change then--not just the ways that relate to that person.” She hesitated for a minute. “And, Gyu? You’re only twenty-seven. You’re not really young anymore, but you’re not old either. Whether you stay or you go--that doesn’t have to be the end everything.”

Sunggyu gave her a hard look and nodded thoughtfully. They went back to picking at their food until the silence was broken by a small child’s shout a moment later.

“Mama!” A little girl ran across the cafeteria, almost stumbling twice, to throw her arms around Sunggyu’s sister’s waist. “I missed you! When is Grandma getting better so you can come home?”

Sunggyu’s sister smiled down at her and pulled her onto her lap. “I don’t know, baby. Soon I hope.”

The little girl looked up, her eyes going wide. “Uncle Gyu!”

She clambered off of her mother’s lap and ran to the other side of the table to give Sunggyu a hug. Sunggyu lifted her up onto his lap as her father arrived at the table, panting.

“I  _ told  _ you not to run,” he scolded, causing her to duck her head into Sunggyu’s shoulder. He set the baby carrier containing their infant son down on the table and turned to his wife. “I’m sorry. I meant to get here earlier, but  _ someone _ couldn’t decide which stuffed animal to bring and got upset when I said she couldn’t bring them all.”

“What are you even doing here?” she asked incredulously, breaking into a wide smile.

“Taking you home,” Sunggyu said suddenly. They both turned to where he sat across the way, letting his niece crawl all over him. “Go. I can stay here with Mom overnight, and you need to rest.”

“He’s right,” her husband said. “You need to sleep.”

She looked at Sunggyu doubtfully. “After the train tickets, I can’t afford a hotel room anyway, and your place has no space,” he joked. “Go. Mom and I will be just fine.”

She sighed in defeat. “Fine! But call me the  _ minute  _ she wakes up or if anything changes…” She swallowed thickly. “For better or worse.”

“I will.”

After several more minutes of prodding, Sunggyu’s sister left with the rest of her family, and Sunggyu returned to his mother’s room. Nothing had changed in the time they were gone. She was still asleep, the monitors beeping steadily. Her hands were still too warm.

Sunggyu wondered what Woohyun was doing at that moment, and suddenly remembered that it was the day of the rehearsal. He was probably back in his hotel room by now, but he hoped he was asleep. He’d seemed exhausted the last days before they had fought. Or maybe he wasn’t asleep--he wouldn’t be, if he was with someone. Sunggyu’s stomach twisted unpleasantly at the thought.

He wanted Woohyun. That much was undeniable. He wanted to hear his voice, he wanted  _ Woohyun _ so much it physically hurt him to think about how, even if he were to reject Junhyung’s offer and beg on his knees, they still might not come back from this. And it was pointless to think about, really, because Sunggyu didn’t beg. He wouldn’t. And Woohyun knew that, but he still--Sunggyu shook his head.

He really wanted to talk to him--to call him, text him, anything. He missed Woohyun the friend even more than Woohyun the boyfriend. Sunggyu pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it miserably. He must’ve been delirious from the lack of sleep, because he found himself going to Woohyun’s contact and pressing  _ call. _

Sunggyu cursed himself for his stupidity, and was ready to hang up after the first couple of rings. His finger hovered over the  _ end call  _ button when he heard the familiar click of the line.

“Hello?” Sunggyu stared at the phone in horror. Woohyun’s voice filled the quiet hospital room. “Sunggyu? Are you there?”

Sunggyu held the phone back up to his ear quickly. “Yes, yes, I’m--I’m here.”

“Oh,” Woohyun said. A tense, silent second passed. “Well what did you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“You called me. I assume you called to tell me something?”

_ Oh _ . Sunggyu’s mouth went try. “Uh, I just wanted to know how the rehearsal went. Did you get through it alright?”

“Yeah,” Woohyun said, his voice surprisingly optimistic. “It went really well. My mom and I sort of worked things out.”

“That’s great,” Sunggyu said, throat growing tighter. He really was glad. Woohyun deserved a family, but he wondered why it also hurt a little.

The conversation stopped for an awkward moment, and Sunggyu was ready to tell him goodbye, but Woohyun cut him off. “Gyu, when the wedding is over, we need to talk. Can you meet me at the apartment?”

“Oh.”  _ Oh.  _ Sunggyu knew that couldn’t be anything good. He must want him to move his stuff out. He was going to break up with him. “Okay, I--” He swallowed around the burning in his throat. “I can’t do tomorrow though; I won’t be back in Seoul until late. Um, I’ll need to check departure times--”

“Departure times? Where are you?”

“I went home,” he said quietly. “My mom, she--she’s really sick. I just got to the hospital a few hours ago.”

“Oh my god, is she okay? Forget what I said; you should be with her then.” Sunggyu smiled sadly at the genuine concern in his voice.

“She’s--I don’t know,” he admitted. “We’ll know one way or another by morning, so don’t worry about it. I don’t have anywhere to stay here anyway. I’m sleeping at the hospital tonight, but I doubt they’ll let me stay for another night.”

“God, Gyu.” Woohyun sighed. “Okay, just--when you get back to Seoul, you should still come by the apartment. It doesn’t matter how late it is.”

Sunggyu’s chest constricted. He must really be desperate to get Sunggyu’s stuff out of his place. Or maybe those kinds of conversations were easier to have in the dark. It’s harder to hate someone in the daylight. He whispered, “Okay. I will.”

Sunggyu didn’t want to hang up, but the call was over all too quickly. He stared miserably at his mother’s sleeping form. He desperately wanted her to wake up and tell him what to do.

She’d probably tell him to take the deal. He knew they could use the money. If he became really successful, he’d be able to buy her the nice things they’d never had as he grew up. They could live in a house together in a nice part of Seoul.

The prospect of losing Woohyun was finally hitting him. Woohyun was going to leave and then… what other reason would he have to say no? He should be on the phone with Junhyung already, or writing an email to his students telling them of his impending departure.

But something held him back. It wasn’t hope, exactly. He was prepared for Woohyun to end things. Even if he stayed, he knew they were over. It was something small and dark that Sunggyu did not want to identify. He realized it was a voice telling him to stay anyway.

He didn’t want to email his students. He didn’t want to say goodbye to them. It would be easier for him if Woohyun was his only reason to stay, but it wasn’t like that anymore. It wasn’t like the choice he’d made eight years ago.

He sighed heavily and leaned back in the uncomfortable hospital chair. He was exhausted, and despite the discomfort of his surroundings, he was determined to get at least a little sleep. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of Woohyun or Junhyung or his mother or anything.

Hours later, he jolted awake at the sound of the door opening. The doctor smiled and nodded at him silently.

Sunggyu groaned sleepily and wiped at his eyes. “Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing wrong,” the doctor explained calmly, checking her vitals. He smiled as he compared it to her earlier charts. “Actually, I was thinking she could be taken off the ventilator now.”

“What?” Sunggyu sat up straighter at that. “You’re sure?”

“She’s much stronger than she was hours ago, and it’s almost dawn.” The doctor smiled at him. “Congratulations, looks like she’s going to make it.”

“Oh, God.” Sunggyu’s voice broke as he buried his head in his open palms. His voice was muffled when he spoke. “Thank you.”

“We’ll keep monitoring her, and if her vitals take a turn for the worse she’s going right back on the ventilator,” the doctor explained, “I’m not making any promises here, but if she keeps improving, she could wake up soon.”

Sunggyu thanked the doctor again and watched as the nurses extubated her and left her with one less machine to be plugged into. Sunggyu reached out to grab her hand. He fell asleep again like that, with the first rays of dawn spilling in from the blinds, and didn’t wake until his sister burst through the door hours later.

“Why didn’t you call me?!” she demanded, shaking him awake by the shoulders. Her beleaguered husband followed closely behind, toddler in one arm and baby carrier in the other.

Sunggyu groaned tiredly. “Nothing happened!”

“The hell it didn’t! They extubated her, and you didn’t think to call me? I told you to call me if something happened--”

“Sweetie, just calm down,” her husband said soothingly, “He probably didn’t want to wake you.”

“Well he should have!”

Sunggyu opened his mouth to defend himself, when they heard a quiet coughing sound coming from the bed.

“Mom!” His sister rushed over to where his mother had opened her eyes. Sunggyu stared in shocked silence. His sister continued to fuss over her, saying, “Oh, God, let me call a nurse. I should--”

“Come here,” their mother croaked.

Sunggyu’s sister’s eyes widened. She leaned closer towards where their mother lay to hear her better. His mother reached up a shaking hand and used it to tug on her ear with what little strength she had left. “You should give me some damn peace and quiet is what you should do.”

His sister yelped at the pain. “But, Mom, I--”

“Go on, shoo! Stop picking on my baby,” she said, her voice growing a bit stronger. She turned to Sunggyu and smiled, beckoning him closer. “Come here, baby. Let me get a look at you.”

Sunggyu swallowed thickly and looked at his sister, who looked almost as surprised as he did. She furrowed her brows, “Mom, are you sure you want me to--”

“Go!” she urged. She reached out and took Sunggyu’s hand in her own. Sunggyu’s sister nodded, and she took her family and left them alone. His mother turned back to face him. “It’s nice to see you again Sunggyu-yah.”

Sunggyu tightened his grip around his mother’s hand. “It’s nice to see you too, Mom. I--” he faltered, suddenly nervous. “I didn’t know if you wanted to see me.”

“Of course I do,” she said sadly, “I miss you.”

Sunggyu looked down at the floor, his free hand that was resting on his knee curling into a fist. “When noona called and said you were in the hospital I took the next train here, even though you said not to come back until--” The words died in his throat. He tried again. “So I slept here instead.”

“Such a good son,” she cooed, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand reassuringly. She was quiet for a moment, giving him a hard stare, then sighed. “Sunggyu-yah, I take back what I said.”

Sunggyu looked up and furrowed his brows together in confusion. “What?”

“I want you to come home,” she said, “whenever you feel like it. I was wrong to kick you out, and--” She paused to keep her voice from breaking. “--I’ve regretted it for too long.”

“Mom.” Sunggyu exhaled sharply, like a weight had dropped from his shoulders. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“Besides,” she said, “I heard from your sister that you’ve found a place to perform regularly.”

His throat grew tight. “Yeah, a little café in Hongdae.”

“We’ll have to come visit sometime.”

“Please,” Sunggyu said, nodding furiously to hide the emotion on his face. “Please come. That would be nice.”

“I was just worried about you,” she continued, “I didn’t want to see you struggle like I did. No mother wants to see their kids struggle to make pittance. But you’re fine, aren’t you? You’re doing just fine.”

Sunggyu smiled weakly. “Yeah, Mom. I live with Sungjongie and everything.”

“Good. That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I am,” he nodded.

Sunggyu could see his mother struggling to keep her eyes opened. He was about to urge her to sleep when she spoke again. “Are you lonely, Sunggyu-yah? Do you have anyone you could call family in Seoul?”

Sunggyu thought of Sungjong, and then of Woohyun, and his heart hurt. He smiled weakly. “Yeah, Mom, I do.”

He then realized why it had hurt earlier when Woohyun had told him he’d reconciled with his mother. He’d been jealous--not of Woohyun, but of Woohyun’s mother. It was one less thing for which Woohyun relied on him. All Sunggyu had wanted was to be his family.

“Good,” she replied tiredly. She closed her eyes to sleep again, and Sunggyu held tight to her hand. His sister reentered the room a little while later, more relaxed than she had been before.

“I’ll stay until dinner,” Sunggyu said, “but then I’ve got to head back.”

His sister nodded silently and took the seat next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, and they both watched their mother sleep, more peacefully than she had in years.

***

Sunggyu stood outside the door to Woohyun’s apartment, his stomach filling with dread. He fished in his pocket for the key to unlock the door.

He hadn’t handed it back to him yet. He hadn’t felt the need to, but he figured this may be the last time he holds it in his hand. He pushed the key into the lock and entered quietly. A light was on in the living room.

He found Woohyun slumped on the couch, still in his tux with his bowtie undone and hanging from his neck. He stirred as Sunggyu approached. “Mmm Gyu, is that you?”

Sunggyu stepped into the room hesitantly. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s not a problem,” he replied, stretching and yawning. Woohyun pushed himself to stand. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, we should talk.” Sunggyu felt the despair filling his chest like a black hole. He swallowed thickly as Woohyun studied him.

“Oh.” Woohyun’s eyebrows shot up as if he’d suddenly remembered something. “How’s your mom? Is she alright?”

Sunggyu gave him a small smile. “She’s gonna make it.”

“Good. That’s great.” They stood there in silence for a moment. Woohyun cleared his throat awkwardly. “Sunggyu I--I love you. You know that, right?” Sunggyu nodded, throat growing tight. “You know that… I want you to stay.”

Sunggyu crossed his arms slowly, as if to make himself smaller. “Woohyun--”

“But I know,” he continued, voice growing stronger, “I know that if you did, you’d only resent me for it. I can’t make you stay. I know that.”

Sunggyu lifted up his chin and gave him a hard look. If Woohyun was going to end things, he at least ought to show some dignity. “Just say it then.”

“Sunggyu, I… I don’t know how you feel, but--” He faltered at Sunggyu’s miserable expression, then tried again. “I regret what I said the last time you were here.”

Sunggyu furrowed his brows. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying… I want to try.” Woohyun bit his lip nervously as Sunggyu absorbed the meaning of his words.

“You don’t meant that,” Sunggyu said quietly. “You can’t.”

“I do, Gyu. I mean it. Let’s try and make this work.”

“Really?” Sunggyu’s voice didn’t rise above a whisper. He was almost afraid that if he said the words out loud, he would wake up and find himself still on the train back to Seoul.

Woohyun stepped forward and reached out his hands to grip Sunggyu’s shoulders. “Listen to me,” he said, forcing Sunggyu to meet his gaze, “I want this. People change, but they don’t change, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting you.”

Woohyun pulled him into an embrace, and Sunggyu’s hands slowly wrapped around his waist. His voice was hoarse with emotion. “Are you saying you’ll stay?”

“We don’t know the future,” Woohyun said quietly into his ear, “But I want to try. Whether you go or stay--even if it hurts later, I don’t want to lose you because I was afraid.”

Woohyun pulled back and cupped Sunggyu’s face in his hands. He leaned in and kissed him, and nothing had ever felt so right in his life. Sunggyu deepened the kiss and let his hands roam Woohyun’s body, assuring himself that Woohyun was real and there and that all this was really happening.

Sunggyu felt like something more than himself in that moment. Even without Woohyun, Sunggyu knew he was whole. He would survive, just as he always had, but the thing was--he didn’t really want to survive without Woohyun. When he was with Woohyun, he felt like he was a part of something bigger, and it made him feel alive in a way few things in his life did.

Sex with Woohyun had always meant something. He knew what it meant this time: it was a promise. It was a promise that this was real, that Woohyun needed him just as badly as Sunggyu needed Woohyun. Sunggyu didn’t believe in soulmates; he never had. This was something else--it was faith. It was giving one’s heart over to another person completely and trusting them not to break it.

Sunggyu’s body jerked as he came. A single tear escaped from his eye, and Woohyun brushed it away with his thumb and kissed him. Sunggyu laced their fingers together as he felt Woohyun getting close, drawing their bodies closer together.

Woohyun buried his face in Sunggyu’s neck and chanted  _ I love you _ as he came. Sunggyu held his head close and stroked his fingers through his hair. He smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Sunggyu awoke to dim, blue light filtering through the blinds of the room. He wrapped his arm tighter around Woohyun’s waist, drawing him closer before falling back asleep.

When Woohyun awoke, his room was illuminated with the bright, golden glow of dawn. He pushed himself to sit, careful not to wake Sunggyu, who still slept next to him with an arm wrapped around his waist. Sunggyu frowned in his sleep and snuggled closer to his side. Woohyun smiled and slowly brushed the hair from his eyes.

Sunggyu stirred awake, blinking blearily at the sunlight that burned into his eyes. He smiled sleepily up at Woohyun. Woohyun leaned down to kiss him, wrinkling his nose slightly at the morning breath.

Sunggyu pushed himself up to sit, combing his fingers through his messy hair. He yawned, and Woohyun burst into laughter. “What an ugly face.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, scowling at him. His expression morphed into a serious one as he looked at Woohyun with eyes still rimmed red with sleep. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Woohyun replied. They fell into a comfortable silence after that, each contemplating the events of the previous night and what it all meant.

“So I was thinking,” Sunggyu said after a while, “I have a decision to make, and I’m glad you’ll support me either way, but--but I can’t think clearly when I’m around you, and I  _ definitely _ can’t think clearly when I’m around Junhyung.”

Woohyun nodded slowly. “You want to think about it alone.”

“A few days,” he replied. “That’s all I need, no talking to you or Junhyung or anyone about it. Then, I’ll tell you two know what I decide.” Sunggyu shifted closer to him on the bed, grabbing his hand in his own. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

“I believe you,” Woohyun said as he squeezed his hand back. “I trust you.”

Sunggyu smiled again and leaned in to kiss him. They lay in bed for a while longer, then he got dressed and left Woohyun’s house to think.

***

Sunggyu took three days to decide.

He saw Woohyun around the café as he went about his lessons, but they didn’t communicate beyond a friendly nod or wave. Woohyun kept his distance as promised, and Sunggyu was grateful for it. He needed to find out how he felt without the constant distraction; he needed to find out what he wanted when he wasn’t around Woohyun, but still knew that he would be there.

Sunggyu wasn’t sure what had changed his mind so radically in his absence. Woohyun had told him he’d reconciled with his mother, but he wondered if that was all it was. Whatever it was, Sunggyu was grateful. He hadn’t known how much he needed Woohyun’s support in whatever he decided before he had lost it.

On the third day, he was supervising Minseo as she played through a rather difficult piece. It was a level above what she had been learning, but Sunggyu wanted to push her a little to see where her limits really lied.

She hesitated on a few notes, but didn’t make any major mistakes. As she played the last note, Sunggyu grinned and broke into applause.

“You did great,” he said as she stood from the piano bench and bowed. 

She beamed back at him. “I did it!” she said excitedly. “I practiced a lot just like you said, and I did it!”

“You’re practically ready to be a concert pianist,” Sunggyu said in amusement, watching her bounce up and down on her toes energetically.

She shook her head emphatically. “I don’t want to be a pianist, Mr. Kim!”

“Oh?” Sunggyu’s eyebrows rose. “Then what do you want to be?”

“I wanna be a rockstar!” she yelled. “Just like you!”

Sunggyu laughed. “I’m not a rockstar, Minseo-yah.”

She stopped bouncing and looked at him quizzically. “But you play music here right?” she asked. “I know because my daddy brought me here one time to watch even though it was, like, waaayyy after my bedtime.”

“Oh really? Should I tell your mom that you were there after bedtime?”

Minseo blanched. “No, don’t! Please!”

“I won’t then, if you practice enough this week.” Minseo nodded and sat back down on the piano bench.

She placed her fingers on the keys, but paused. “But you  _ are _ a rockstar, right? I mean, you play on a stage and people clap for you and everything.”

“If that’s your criteria for being a rockstar,” Sunggyu smiled, “then yeah, I guess I am one.”

Minseo smiled, pleased with herself, and began to run through her scales. Sunggyu turned on the metronome so that she could keep time as she played. He spent the rest of the practice in thoughtful silence, only pointing out corrections here and there or telling her to run through pieces again.

He found himself tapping his finger against his arm in time with the  _ tick tock _ of the metronome, and suddenly felt that whatever limbo he had been stuck in had thawed, and time was once again moving inexorably forward. Sunggyu closed his eyes and counted the half-seconds that went by, and knew what he had to do.

After his lessons were over that day, he called Junhyung to meet him at a park nearby. He sat in a swing and waited, and Junhyung took the swing next to him as he arrived.

“You have an answer for me finally?” Junhyung asked. “I need an answer for the tour coordinator like... yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Sunggyu said quietly. “I think I do.”

“And you’ll accept, right?” Junhyung pressed.

Sunggyu sighed. “Junhyung...” He turned his head to look at him carefully. “I took a lot of time to think--about what I want, what makes me happy.” Junhyung stared back at him, trying to read an answer from his face, but got nothing. It had been a long time since Junhyung had truly been able to understand him. Sunggyu took a deep breath. “I’m saying no.”

“ _ Seriously _ , Gyu? What the fuck?” Junhyung’s voice began to rise, his grip around the chains to the swing tightening until his knuckles were white. “What, did Woohyun decide to take you back?” he sneered. “Fucking pathetic.”

Sunggyu absorbed his jabs in silence. “I didn’t decide this because of Woohyun.”

“The hell you didn’t,” Junhyung scoffed. “You’re giving up your fucking dream for some guy that you don’t even know if you’ll still love in a year.”

“That’s just it, Junhyung.” Sunggyu stared at him desperately, willing him to understand. “It’s not my dream anymore. My dream is to play my own music. I’m doing that! I play on stage every week.”

“That? You think  _ that _ was worth leaving everything behind for?”

“Yes,” Sunggyu stated firmly. “I do, because it led me to a life I love. I  _ love _ teaching, Junhyung, and I love playing on the same small stage every week for a crowd that knows my name, knows  _ me _ . You really think that’s nothing?”

“It might as well be,” he spat. Junhyung shook his head in frustration. “What are you going to do if you wake up, years from now, and realize you chose wrong?”

Sunggyu gave him a hard look. “Then I start over again.”

“It’s not that easy. None of this is.”

“I know.” Sunggyu was silent for a moment, head bowed. “Things would be different if we were twenty. If this were like back then, I’d--I’d choose differently.” He stared across the park, towards some unknown point in the distance. “But we’re not twenty anymore, Junhyung, and I need to grow up. So do you. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m eighteen again, but not in a good way.”

“So that’s it?” Junhyung asked through gritted teeth. “You’re just going to become a boring adult, and I’m the loser who can’t grow up?”

“That’s just what I mean!” Sunggyu cried. “You make me feel like shit about everything I do if it’s not what  _ you _ want me to do. After you took the deal, you pushed us all away because you were afraid to apologize, and I let you throw your little tantrums.” Sunggyu looked at him sadly. “When we’re together, you just goad me into doing reckless, stupid shit because you’re a reckless, stupid person, and none of it makes me  _ happy _ . I don’t like who I become when I’m around you.”

Junhyung sighed heavily. “So it’s my fault you won’t take the deal?”

“No, you’re not that important to me,” Sunggyu replied simply, shaking his head. “I’m not sure I can give you a reason you’ll understand. When you told me about it, I was excited, because who wouldn’t be? And then you and everyone else convinced me it’s what I wanted because it’s what I would’ve wanted years ago. I’m not that person anymore, though. I was afraid to admit it, because admitting it felt like giving up.”

“You  _ are _ giving up,” Junhyung said quietly.

“Yeah, I am.” Sunggyu scuffed the ground with his shoe. “And that’s fucking terrifying, but I don’t feel like I’m losing anything. I just don’t feel like I’d be any happier than I already am if I went with you.”

Junhyung stared miserably ahead of him. “You’re really happy here? Teaching a bunch of little kids and shit?”

Sunggyu chuckled. “Yes, I am.” They sat there in silence for a minute or two, neither really knowing what to say. At last, Sunggyu spoke. “I think we should stop seeing each other, for a while at least.”

Junhyung laughed humorlessly. “It sounds like you’re breaking up with me.”

“We make each other feel awful, Junhyung. It’s not healthy.”

“Whatever,” he muttered. “I don’t care anymore.”

Sunggyu looked at him, but Junhyung refused to meet his gaze. At last, Sunggyu gave up. He sighed and went to stand. Junhyung looked up at his outstretched palm. “Good luck,” Sunggyu said, “I mean that. I hope your tour goes well.”

Junhyung stared at his hand for a moment, then reached out and shook it. Sunggyu left him there in that park.

He turned towards the road that led back to the apartment he shared with Woohyun. He kept walking.

He was surprised to find Woohyun already inside when he unlocked the door. He was singing as he chopped up ingredients for a new stew he’d thought of. Sunggyu cleared his throat, causing him to jump and turn around. “Oh, it’s you. So you finally decided? Did you tell Junhyung already?”

“Yeah.” Sunggyu leaned against the doorframe. “I did.”

“Well, what did you decide?”

Sunggyu smiled at him. “Let’s talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! First of all, if you've read this far, thank you! Thank you for every kudos, comment, and kind word from the first chapter of "sixteen" until now! I almost lost my nerve when I started on this last chapter because I felt this immense pressure to write an ending that would satisfy everyone, so I sort of had to block out what I thought people wanted and focus on the story that I actually wanted to write before I could really... properly begin to write this. I hope I did a good job? I think some of you would have preferred Gyu to take Junhyung's offer, and I don't think there would've been anything wrong with it if he had, but it's just not the kind of resolution I wanted to have. I feel like if he had chosen that, it would have felt like a bit of a regression for him, in terms of this narrative, and I also wanted the end of this to sort of be a mirror image of "Call & Response." I also wanted it to be kind of open-ended though. The future's really uncertain, so anything can happen, but it's important to enjoy the present moment! There are a few things I'd change about this series, and maybe one day I'll go back and edit a bit to clean it up, but right now I'm really happy with myself! I don't know yet if I like this series more than "for miles to come," but it's certainly a more ambitious project! Anyway, sorry for the long end note, and thank you again for reading until the end!


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